Sunday, September 5, 2010

Broken Taylor

The theme for the last five days (and the reason for my sudden disappearance) here in Kathrynville has centered around things that are broken:

First and foremost is Taylor’s (18) broken hand. I mentioned that it might require surgery? Well, it did….sort of. Is it still considered surgery if you’re in the hospital…and have general anesthesia…but they don’t wind up cutting into you, but instead knock you out for one of two reasons:

a) The doctor’s behind on his Jaguar payments and has his eye on a 22-foot gently pre-owned yacht aptly named “Over My Head”…or

b) The kind medical staff don’t want to permanently traumatize the patient when they forcefully **SNAP!** the two bone-ends back into place…and then successfully wiggle the hand to see if they’ll magically stay pushed together…which they do, so they’re done

Whoopsie. I mean, “, so they’re done??” I’ve just realized that waaaay back in the second paragraph, I’d begun with a question. My bad. Now I shall travel further down this grammatical hell-road by answering my own question: The answer is yes.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re like, “WTF?? What is she talking about?? She’s not making any sense…and she always makes sense, dammit!”

Maybe a photo would help…they say a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

(stage whispers) CUE PHOTO!!

Okay. Say it with me now: “Awwwwwwwww!”

Hospital? Check. General anesthesia? Check. Huge, inflated doctor’s bill for services? I’m sure it’s in the mail. Loud, dramatic snapping of bones back into alignment? Check. Actual surgical procedure, involving blood and stitches and stuff?? Nope. Turns out, his bones fit back together salt & pepper....or hot dogs and baseball...or Sonny & Cher (before the break-up, of course).

So, on Wednesday at around dinnertime, I was informed that his procedure would take place on Thursday at 8am. Three and one half hours away. Evidently, they had to move fast or the bones would heal incorrectly…because this is what young bones do.

Oh, Gawd.

Connor (13) and I began to pack while I debated about whether to drive up that night, (which would require me to find a place for us to stay) or set my alarm for 4am and do the drive in the wee hours of the morning. Personally, I don’t like anything with the word “wee” in it, so I was leaning towards the former. I couldn’t seem to make up my mind. It was freakin’ awful. I waffled back and forth….back and forth. You’d think I’d been asked to make a life or death decision by the way I was agonizing. It was pathetic…and kind of scary. Finally, after calling the 5th hotel, (most were booked for the long weekend) I caught a break and we hit the road at 11pm…me armed with my extra-large bottle of seltzer and Connor with two bologna sandwiches for the ride. The drive was uneventful…I plugged in my iPod and sang enthusiastically to every single song that came on whilst Connor dozed in the passenger seat, which slowly found its way to a reclining position within the first 30 minutes of our trip. My navigation got us there flawlessly and the only bru-ha-ha came when several massive bugs committed suicide on my windshield, causing me to swerve slightly whilst cursing quietly, right in the middle of a rousing rendition of Who Says You Can’t Go Home, by Bon Jovi.

In the end, all is well. We visited, I nursed...and we drove back home. I arrived to find my router on its last leg…and by the next morning, we had no internet. That tale will have to wait for another post.

For now, I’d just like to announce that Broken Taylor (Thank you Alan for this nickname. It's a keeper!) is broken no more…at least, for now. I think he’ll be okay…some may say that the 500 feet of gauze I wrapped around him was overkill…but I think it’s Just. About. Right.

Unknown said...

Bubble wrap. I'm thinking bubble wrap is the way to go. Wrapped all around our babies so as to not have these broken bones happening. You with me?


Glad the "surgery" went well and he looks to be recovering nicely.

Mark Price said...

Glad Taylor is, no longer broken.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Saw somebody in a hospital bed when I pulled up my dashboard-cue heart attack.

Thank goodness he's alright...and he wondered why you were panicking about him leaving for college!

Vince said...

Delighted to hear it.

Anonymous said...

its never nice to be broken

damn it doctors

Alan W. Davidson said...

No problem...I'm happy to brighten up the drama as long as it's in someone elses life! Glad to hear that the hand snapage went well. I'm sure the cost of the guaze will be built in with the bill from the MD~ Cheers, Alan

Gigi said...

Poor Broken Taylor - he looks so pitiful! By the way, does Broken Taylor realize he's got a new name?

Áine said...

Broken Taylor is now fixed Taylor. HURRAH!

Unknown said...

Glad to hear Taylor's all put back together again. And you probably did save a little money since they didn't cut him open, since there probably would've been separate bills for the person who cuts, the person who puts pins in, the person who sewed him back up, etc. (or at least it seems like that's how the medical system works!).

I hope you get a break soon! (Just not of the bone variety...)

Carol said...

Ummm, snapping it back into place? I'm not sure I like the sound of that, or should I say the thought of the sound of that! Poor little boy, hope the hands heals good as new!

Susan F said...

He DOES look cute! Hope he has a speedy recovery.

Alicia said...

Poor Taylor! Poor Kathryn! But I see just giving Connor a couple bologna sandwiches and a place to sleep and all is well in his world.

I'm glad all is well and that Taylor didn't require surgery. Hope his hand heals well and that he doesn't re-break it when he smacks you to taking that picture :-)

Anonymous said...

Awww. hope he feels better. Will he all better before school?

wendy said...

So good to know all went well. I love the name you chose for the yaht. Too funny and too true.
Hmm, the bones snapping into place doesn't sound to great. Even though it was a success. Nice to know they knock a person out for that. I've never broken anything. Was it so obvious?
I would like to ask you a very personal question, Kathryn. And if you don't answer, I promise I won't stop reading your blog :)
You do A LOT for your boys and with your boys. I was thinking that in one of your blogs you mentioned something about your husband? Where is he when all of this serious stuff happens? Does he help out? Please forgive me if he has passed away. I am a curious person by nature. Some times I have wondered about his existence before. Whew! That wasn't so bad :)
Once again, I am glad all is well in Kathrynville.

TC said...

Glad he is fixed, Taylor looks like an angel btw but you know that. If he's truly asleep I'm sure I can hear what he will say if/when he discovers his picture on the blog? LOL
I would have driven up @ night too! wee and I don't speak the same language @ all....

Lauren said...

I'm glad Taylor is no longer broken. Did you at least take the opportunity to draw on him or make him sign something incriminating? I mean... give him a get well soon card?

Heather said...

Well at least it was a easy fix and no surgery needed, that is always a good thing.

500 ft might not be enough, you might want to double know, just in case!

Lou said...

What a handsome boy/man Kathryn, so glad to hear he going to be OK.

brite said...

Fixed Taylor is sooo much better than broken Taylor!Glad he's on the mend.

sage said...

Sounds like life is busy for you, glad the break is fixed and hoping the bill gets lost in the mail :)

kathryn said...

Kimberly: I think bubble wrap is an excellent idea! I am totally on board. I'll go halfsies with you on the rolls. Now, shall we roll their arms separate from their bodies, or is that too marshmallow-man-like??

Mark Price: HA! Between your suggestion on Tay receiving a bionic arm (YES, I brought this up while the doctor was examining him) and this one, you've given Taylor a much-needed laugh. You, mister...are the male comic perspective...personified!

Oddyoddyo13: Um, sorry about that. It didn't even occur to me! And see? My Mom-Spidey-Sense KNEW he'd break some part of his anatomy! I promise I'll only use my powers for good.

kathryn said...

Vince: Thank you, sir. Never a dull moment.

Sir Thomas: I agree. Being broken is not the preferred method for life...esp. when you've just started college.

Alan W. Davidson: Ha! You've definitely brightened up this drama...and we needed all the brightening we could get. Next, I'd like to try for "A+Student Taylor", m'kay?

Jen said...

I'm happy they were able to snap it back into place without the extra risks true surgery brings. Hope he's all better soon.

kathryn said...

Gigi: (snickers) Yes, Taylor is aware of his new name....but it was kind of a sad, ironic smile when I told him. I was secretly surprised and pleased when I saw him track through here on Sunday, so I'm hoping he's seen some of the comments.

Smileyfreak: YAY! Now, he just has to get his hand working again, so he can take notes and tests at school!

ValleyWriter: HA! Yeah, he's my Humpty-Dumpty...only much cuter and not nearly as round. (Get it? "Put back together again...?") I can't wait to see if they charge something for having the surgeon "on standby". I wouldn't put it past them.

kathryn said...

Carol: I hope so too...thank you, sweetie. I didn't hear the evidently happened in the operating room. But the doctor told us that's what it sounded like. They use an ongoing x-ray to snap it back into place. I'm just glad it's over.

Susan F: Thank you, sweets! And of course, I agree. I especially like the little dimple in his chin.

Alicia: Ha! Yeah, well...I had other photos I could have used, so Taylor got off easy! And yes, Connor's a pretty easy going kid. But he did bring his X-Box to the hotel. (Rolls eyes)

kathryn said...

WannabeVirginiaW: Actually, school already started...about 10 days ago. He can't write for the next 4 weeks, so you can imagine how much he's struggling. I can't stand it.

Wendy Blum: Aw, worries. If I'm gonna share my world with you guys, there's naturally gonna be some questions. We divorced in 2005 after almost 20 years of marriage & now live about an hour away from each other. Ex is very involved with da boys...and we do share responsibility...esp. when stuff like this happens. I insisted on going to take care of Taylor. It's a can take care of him like I can! It's sweet of you to take an interest. I appreciate it!

TC: I'm glad you totally understand. You and I definitely think the same! The drive up and back was really much better than it would have been during the day. (I personally think my singing improves when it gets dark as well!)

kathryn said...

Lauren: HA! Funny you should say that. You've just reminded me that the doctor was telling him not to make any important decisions for 12 hours after the anesthesia. I wanted him to vow his eternal love, so I could videotape it. He wouldn't take the bait, dammit. What fun is that??

Heather: I know! I liked Kim's idea of the bubble wrap. Kind of an early warning system...when you hear the *POP!* you know you're getting too rough. Yes, I'm thankful that he didn't need any actual surgery.

Lou!: Look everybody! It's Lou! I've missed you, sweetie! How are things in New Zealand? Did you get my email? I was worried about you. So glad to see you! Thanks for stopping by.

kathryn said...

brite: Thank you, sweetie. I totally agree. The doctor wants him to keep his hand elevated as much as possible over the next week...something I believe he keeps forgetting to do. It's hard when I'm not there to remind him.

sage: Ha! I like the way you think, my friend! Here's hoping for some serious billing computer glitches...that would be even better.

Jen: Thank you, sweets! I'm sure he'll heal very know how fast kids bounce back. I only wish we could bounce back the way they do.

Dreamfarm Girl said...

awwwww is right. poor guy. ouch.

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Yikes. I don't think I could have been in the same room while they snapped it back in to place.

I'm on board for the bubble wrap. Funny, we were just discussing last night that my oldest probably needed to wear a helmet when he was younger with all the falls he took and now my youngest needs a kevlar body suit, or at least gloves. He's burned himself twice! Hope Taylor heals quick.

snoble24 said...

im glad hes nephew did the same thing over the summer and had the same proceder done.they heal quickly.just try and convince your son not to go fourwheeling or rock climbing while its broke cuse up itll mess stuff up

Jen said...

This was a hilarious post. Loved the rhythm of it. I feel bad for your son as he just started college. Not a great way to get the whole collegiate thing going.
If it's not one thing it's another I guess. Glad all is well now and your little boy is broken no more. Get some rest.

ClimbtoNowhere said...

Way to go Mom! Your son will get a ton of women just because they'll all want to ask him what happened. And he's cute to boot!

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