Sunday, August 8, 2010

Taking Sides

Like most of us, there are two distinct sides to me.

There’s the no makeup, bad hair, retaining water, hot-mess-Kathryn:


…and then there’s the smoking-hot, sexy, model-Kathryn:


Yeah, I know. (You do realize the above is not me, right? I mean, it’s obvious with the troll and all…but…hell, I mean, I wish…)

Hey, I don’t choose to be one or the other…and I’m never sure when my feet hit the floor that day which version I’m going to be. And no, there doesn’t seem to be any middle ground.

It’s either sexy bike-chick….or bloated troll. Oh, joy.

If I’m really lucky, I’ll be SBC on a day when I need to get things done…or when I need a favor….’cause SBC has a lot more confidence than Troll-K. Even if I’m working the phone, there’s a difference. I’m more upbeat…almost flirty. I prefer to be SBC when taking the dog to the vet…or when I need to convince someone over the phone to give me an extension on a due date, ‘cause SBC gets things done. Frankly, T-K is a little whiny.

I may be out of line here…but I do believe that SBC has a distinct advantage over T-K…and the difference shines through whether there’s a visual or not. It’s all in the attitude.

On Friday, SBC talked her way through one extension and one request for a last-minute scheduling…all before getting dressed. Suh-weet. Later on in the day, SBC visited the super-busy deli to pick up sandwich fixings for the weekend’s company. This is the place where you take a number and wait a while, so SBC decided to pass the time checking her Blackberry for messages, tweets and texts. Imagine her surprise when one of the guys asked her what her number was! Turned out, he meant her ticket number…but still. She even had a second guy ask if she needed anything else. SBC rocks.


After doing a major grocery shop, SBC made eye contact with a guy that opened up another check-out lane! This particular supermarket is handing out scratch-off, lotto-type tickets where “YOUCANWINUPTOFIVETHOUSANDDOLLARS!!!” …but to the best of my knowledge, no-one has ever won anything, so it’s not very exciting anymore.

Upon arriving home, SBC checked her receipt and discovered that check-out guy had given her TEN scratch-off tickets! She knocked on Connor’s (13) door to share her good fortune.

Connor: “Woah. WHY did he give you so many?”

SBC: “What do you mean ‘WHY’? He liked me. In some circles, I’m considered HOT.”

Connor: “Ew. No, you’re not…gross. You’re my MOM…”

Kathryn: (Sighs deeply) “It’s fine. But I am a person too, ya know…”

Connor: (Doesn’t take eyes off video game screen) “I know, Mom. But you’re not….like, a girl. The phone’s been ringing like crazy. Did you buy my gum?”

Troll-Kathryn: “Whatever. Maybe. I don’t care. I’m getting ready for bed.”

Connor: “It’s 6:30! Do you feel okay? Hang on...I’ll help you put the food away.”

Kathryn: (Smiles) “Thanks. But first, let’s find a quarter. We’ve got some serious scratching to do. I'm feeling lucky.”



PS: Nope. Didn't win a thing.

Lynn said...

It's always the case that Troll-L is on when I see someone I know when I'm out in public. Murphy's Law rules in my world.

KellyGrrl said...

SOOO true... Too bad about not winning the scratchers!!

Dorn said...

This is how plastic surgeons make bank! I definitely feel more confident when I'm having a hot day. Here's to more Sexy Bike Chick days!

Sir Thomas said...

that is to you.... I would know you anywhere...

ok I will keep your secret

sage said...

My luck, I'd ask for the ticket number and some SBC would slap me, thinking I'm being a bit too forward by asking for her phone number... but then, I don't ever win either.

Gigi said...

Ha! Conner & Man-Child would get along famously, as we have had a similar conversation in this house. He's still not convinced I'm a girl.

Jess said...

Loved the conversation with Connor. Too funny!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

That conversation between you and Conner (13) sounds kind of like me and Eddie...cre-epy.

LoL Loved the pictures! As always, you crack me up Kathryn. :)

Lauren said...

I am envious. On a bad day I look like Mia Thermopolis (pre makeover). No, I'm not exaggerating. On a good day... pre-makeover Mia Thermopolis with less frizz. I think nerds are hot... WHAT?

Wendy Ramer said...

Funny how much your hot, sexy side looks a lot like Jennifer Lopez :-)

Nance said...

I'm afraid I left SBC behind at about 50 and Troll-N has taken over my spacesuit, stretched out, hauled in the Mountain Dew and Cheetos, and is SQUATTIN' FOR DA LONG HAUL! Dang it.

Boonsong said...

Cute photos. The second one looks a lot like me.
Cool post.

All the best, Boonsong

Tinkerschnitzel said...

I've been trying to bring SBC back here. It's difficult even a year after having a baby, but I will get there! lol

JD at I Do Things said...

No adolescent son should ever be forced to acknowledge the fact that his Mom, however cool she may be, is at any time, any place, an (a?) SBC. It's like looking into an eclipse.

ValleyWriter said...

Wowzers! How could anyone say no to those boots?! ;-)
I'm convinced it's all about the shoes, BTW. Give me a pair of heels or some knee-high boots and I am instantly confident and beautiful (even if I feel like a troll on the inside...).

Mark Price said...

I wanna WINUPTO5THOUSANDDOLLARS. Not entirely sure what I would buy though...maybe some more scratch tickets. I'll show em'. Or maybe some new shoes so that I could look like sexy-bike-guy. Eww never mind. Funny post...being a woman must really be tough.

TC said...

I'm older than you are, the troll often visits and even it isn't so pleasant looking. SBC comes in flashes and then guys realize that they could be ogling their MOTHER and quit....I did make one jump last week and I don't think he was frightened though, it was more WHOA what is a good looking WOMAN doing standing behind ME in line, WHOA...or I might have scared him?

Carol said...

Listen to Mary chapin Carpenter, I feel like- today just might be your day.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Har! Cute post, Kathryn. Man, that's really bad luck if there is no middle ground between SBK and troll thingy.

Connor: “Ew. No, you’re not…gross. You’re my MOM…” He's such a sweetie.

In my case, you could say on a good day I'm like Sean Connery (you know, with hair in 'Entrapment' or 'Hunt for Red October') and on a bad day I'm probably Steve Buscemi or Joe Pesci...

John McElveen said...

I'm Bi-sexual-- I LIKE you both.

WAIT--that DID NOT come out right.... ----Oh never mind! I'd just dig myself a deeper grave!

John

Straight Guy said...

Just make sure you use your super powers for the good of humanity, SBC.

kathryn said...

Lynn: I KNOW! Ain't it the truth! You never see anyone important when you're coincidentally out and looking amazing, right? Leaves us ducking behind things...just so we won't be seen...

KellyGrrl: Eh. I wasn't expecting much. It just goes to show...the odds of winning are not good. But, who expects to win anything from a supermarket scratch-off? Not SBC, that's for sure!

Dorn: So true! I do believe we deserve to have many SBC days. She gets so much more accomplished than any one of my other personalities...!

Heather said...

Oh man..I need to find my SBC, she's been packed away for years!

Nice manipulation there T-K, mom, not a girl!

kathryn said...

Sir Thomas: Shhhhhh.....no-one's supposed to know....I mean, seriously. I've got to be able to walk down the street...

sage: Aw. I don't think anybody gets slapped anymore, so you'd be fine! It was just weird to have someone say, "What's your number?" He threw me (I mean, ?her for a minute.

Gigi: I know they would, sweetie....that's what's so scary. You and I....C and MC...it's kismet, I tell ya.

carissa said...

haha I totally relate to this. I definitely have two sides. Unfortunately my troll side appears much more frequently.

Alicia said...

Hahaha, I read this post on my cell & the photos don't download so I didn't see they sexy smoking-hot Kathryn; althought I kinda new what the troll K looked like.

I honestly think that there are certain days when everything goes your way just cuz you "think" you look great. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and somedays I be-holdin myself as boootiful!

kathryn said...

Jess: Yeah...he's a riot. Always has an opinion...on everything. I wonder where he gets that??

Oddyoddyo13: I'm not at all surprised that we sound like you and Eddie, sweetie. It's that family dynamics at work...that, and you & Connor always have something to say!

Lauren: HA! No diff...just less frizz? God, I wish we could abolish frizz! Do nerds have frizz?

kathryn said...

Wendy Ramer: Um. Yeah....funny. I get that a lot. I think I have better legs than she does, though. I'm just saying...

Nance: HA! Ya gotta love the Mountain Dew and Cheetos! There's absolutely no doubt that SBC takes a hell of a lot more effort than Troll-?. Sometimes, it's simply difficult to dredge up the energy!

Boonsong: Well, there you go. I hope you don't mind that I borrowed your likeness...but it was for a very good cause.

kathryn said...

Tinkerschnitzel: You will get there, sweetie. I have no doubt! Just give that little one another 6 months or so....he'll be running you ragged!

JD at I Do Things: No?? Are you sure?? Okay...fine. I'll accept the role of maid, chauffeur and cook and I shall have no gender whatsoever. I suppose this means I can stop wearing makeup and don't need to shave my legs??

ValleyWriter: I know! Killer boots, right?? How could anyone feel like a troll on the inside whilst rocking those boots on the outside? Simply not possible. Besides...have you looked in the mirror, sweetie? You're gorgeous!

kathryn said...

Mark Price: You have NO IDEA how difficult it is....(pauses and swipes hand over forehead for emphasis)...and how much do you want to bet that FIVETHOUSANDDOLLARS is in supermarket-money? If it even exists at all. Do I sound bitter? Maybe a little. TEN scratch-offs....NO wins. You do the math!

TC: Aw. I'm absolutely sure you didn't scare him, sweetie! I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. YOU may be thinking you're old enough to be their mother...but I have a strong suspicion that they're not.

Carol: Now, there's a nice thought! Honestly, for SBC...every day is ripe with possibility. Now, if we could just find a way to abolish the grey and stop the hair growth on our legs, we'd be SET.

kathryn said...

Alan W. Davidson: HA. Nice to hear the male perspective on the good day/bad day...although, I personally believe you guys always get to look the same. Unless you forget to shave...or condition your hair...or wear clean clothes. Never mind....

John McElveen: HA! I'm going to interpret that comment to mean that you will appreciate me no matter which form I take. (Although that troll is pretty out there, don't you think? How about that blue hair?)

Straight Guy: Aw. SBC likes this remark...and promises to avoid blinding anyone by whipping her long locks into someone's face...and will take the precautionary steps to prevent tripping and falling on anyone with her legs that go on for miles. Isn't that thoughtful of her....

kathryn said...

Heather: Well, you know she's gotta be in there somewhere! But God...it does take a lot of work to bring her out. But I like her...she's spunky. I think she smiles more, too!

carissa: Yeah? Well, you and me both. Troll-version is much easier...and seems to stick like glue...she just doesn't get the hint. Here's to seeing less of the troll and more of our inner SBCs!

Alicia: Well, that's the attitude! I totally agree...it's absolutely in the way we feel about ourselves. Now, if only we could bottle that and just sip it all day long.

Wendy Blum said...

Don't know how I overlooked this post. But you're right. We all have two sides. Usually, I am my own troll version. Why dress up to go work in a hotter-than-hell-dirty-warehouse? Then there are the days when I feel, well maybe not sexy. I can honestly say I don't think I have ever hit sexy, lol. But good hair, clothing and makeup days-or good skin non-makeup days-can really be a positive boost to this gal's almost 39 year old ego. Yeah, I wish I looked smokin hot like the model in your blog. *wistful, sad sigh*

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