Random 1-0-1

I do believe all of us feel the need periodically to purge our cranial (and computer) storage systems of those sweet little tidbits of crap that we don't imagine contain enough interesting information to create an entire post...but we also stubbornly don't want to just toss away.

So, hey! Why not compile them into a single, non-comprehensive post and just call it a day? Sounds good to me!

Sometimes when I'm really procrastinating bored, I'll spy the description on the back of...say, the air freshener bottle that says, "Febreze Air Effects is like a breath of fresh air any time because it actually sweeps away those stale and stifling odors and leaves a fresh scent." And I'll think, "Who writes this stuff? I could do this job. "Febreeze Air Effects: You know why you bought it. I'll leave you to it, then." And what would your title be if you were employed with this auspicious responsibility? "VP of Flowery Descriptive Products"? Not to be confused with the lowly "VP of Directions for Use", of course...

I was reading an article in Reader's Digest (May, 2010) the other day. It was about people who are unbelievably frugal...and bordering on being ethically-challenged. Did you know that there are legions of people out there that keep an empty McDonald's coffee cup in their car, so they can run in and get a "refill" any time? I mean, is their coffee that good? Or there's a guy who gets into the movies for free by striding in, holding his eyeglasses aloft and announces, "I found them in the car!" Then he keeps on walking. Cocky SOB, don't you think? Another character re-uses their garbage bags, by manually emptying the contents directly into the truck...then using the bags for another week. I can just imagine what the sanitation guys are saying about these people behind their backs.

There were some helpful tips included, though: 

• Separate your bananas to keep them yellow longer. Evidently, they produce a gas to make them ripen and separating them will slow this process down.
• Seal lettuce in a ziplock bag with a moistened paper towel to add days of freshness
• Shake the excess water off your disposable razor, then dip it in rubbing alcohol and store it in a dry place (do not leave in your shower). This will clean the blade, stave off rusting and add weeks of shaving life. 
• Halve the amount of soap, toothpaste, shampoo and detergent you use. They say you probably won't notice a difference. (Of course, when I first read this, I thought they meant that we should fill the containers halfway with water. Ya know....water 'em down, so to speak. Then I realized this wouldn't work with the toothpaste. Then I got it. Sometimes, I'm such a knucklehead.) They also say that your clothes should feel just as fluffy with only 1/4 of a dryer sheet, so get out those scissors...you won't look stupid, I promise!

Lest anyone think I'm now all about practicality and useful tips and stuff:

Last night whilst brushing my teeth, I turned around and came face to face with a HUGE centipede:

(I've imported a small-ish photo, so as not to completely gross you out, as I was. You're welcome.) I screamed (as best I could with a mouth full of toothpaste), ran from the bathroom and stood in the hallway yelling, "GUG! OHHHHH! EW! EW! DO GWOSS! IG A GUG! OHHHHH....DO GIG! EWWWWW" whilst simultaneously hopping from one foot to the other and continuing to brush my teeth. (Oral hygiene first, people.) Connor (13) ran in to investigate and ran out (a bit paler, I believe) and then ran back in dragging the vacuum cleaner. He tried to suck it up through the hose but the bastard wouldn't go and he landed on the floor and scurried under the metal baseboard for the heat. When I realized this I yelled, "DON WE EM GO! I'M DETTIN DA PRAY" and I ran for the "Crawling & Flying Insect Spray" I'd picked up at the hardware store. I gingerly stepped back into the bathroom (Connor was guarding the door so he wouldn't escape into the master. Say it with me now, "EWWW!!!") and I managed to haphazardly spit and rinse my mouth. Then, I whipped off the top of that can and sprayed a toxic stream underneath the heater baseboard and ceremoniously popped the top back on the spray can with a self-satisfied *snap!* About three seconds later, we saw the creature slither out from under the baseboard...it was staggering a bit and Connor excitedly yelled, "HE'S BEEN HIT!" But that wasn't enough for me...I whipped off the spray can top and let him have it! Right in the kisser! Or the tushy...I'm really not sure. It would have been a real Rambo-moment if I hadn't been screaming the whole time. At this point, it went into some pretty serious convulsions and that's when I realized I'd still have to pick the damn thing up and so, still shouting, "EW, EW, EW" I emptied half a roll of toilet tissue to gingerly scoop up the remains and flush 'em, Dano. Connor said that second spray was overkill....I think he got off easy.

Finally, I leave you with a photo-op of the truck in front of me the other day:

Gotta love a good sense of humor. Happy weekend, all!