Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Sanity, Where Art Thou?

It’s only Wednesday and already this week is kicking this gal’s derrière. (For the record, I’d asked Word’s thesaurus to display alternatives for the word “ass” and according to it, there are none. Really, Word? I beg to differ.)

Anyway, it’s always going to be something…and I suppose the most we can hope for is that we can somehow handle whatever crap is thrown our way. (Huh. I’m noticing that a lot of the expressions associated with trying times are related to the buttock area. Interesting…)

I don’t know that I believe that we’re only given as much as we can handle…’cause somehow we need to handle whatever it is that we’re given….you know what I mean?? Of course you do…that’s because you and I are simpatico.

I’ve spent the last two days helping out my dad, who had cataract surgery. He’s recovering nicely…thank you for asking. You guys are the best! One eye down, one to go. Highlight of the two-day ordeal: Dad’s asking the doctor at the post-operative appointment what his limitations are.

Dad: “Can I drive?”

Doctor: “Sure. Tomorrow.”

Dad: “Can I fly?”

Doctor: (Deadpan)“In a plane?”

At this point, I started to laugh…and I had a mouthful of coffee at the time. I felt bad that I got coffee on his drab-brown examination-room carpet, so I got up to look for a paper towel to blot it up. The doctor told me not to worry about it and then added, “I’ll just have to move to a new office. This one’s soiled forever.”

Everybody’s a comedian…

After a long second day, I dragged my sorry butt to the supermarket and then arrived home. Immediately upon entering, Metro (the wonderdog) did his usual prance-under-my-feet. This is his way of telling me that I owe him a treat. Upon receiving said treat, he finished it and promptly collapsed.

Taylor (18) was standing next to me and we both watched him go down…and I don’t think either of us believed our eyes. We simultaneously called his name…he eyes were open but he was just lying there…all splayed out…dead weight. I’m yelling, “What do we do? WTF?!” and Taylor’s saying, “I don’t know!” and I’m yelling, “I have to call the vet!” as I’m turning in circles. I then walked back into the kitchen and started unpacking the frozen foods and putting them away. It was surreal…all I kept thinking was that when it’s a human-emergency, you call 9-1-1….the vet’s a good 30 minutes away…and I just got home…and I’ve got to put these groceries away...

Fortunately, my temporary insanity only lasted about ten seconds and then I said to Taylor, “The hell with that. We’ve got to take him over there NOW” and I scooped him up and called whilst en route to the vet’s office. As we pulled out of the driveway, Metro stood up on the back seat and seemed to have recovered.

We’re still not sure what happened. They took blood and said they’d have the results in the morning. (As of this writing…1:49pm…they still do not have the results. I’ve called twice.) I do believe the vet would’ve thought I’d made the whole thing up…but I had Taylor to back up my story. Metro seemed so normal at the vet’s that at one point Taylor said to me, “We did see that happen, right?” Freaky.

Metro has many health issues. I’m addressing them one at a time…and to the best of my ability. I’m grateful that he didn’t collapse when I wasn’t home…and Taylor says to expect some ribbing for the foreseeable future about me turning in circles and returning to put away the food.

Not one of my finer moments…but it had been a long day and sometimes the brain just can’t process another single thing. That’s my story…and I’m sticking to it.

I’ll keep you posted.

Unknown said...

Hang in there sweetie - I hope everything works out OK for you dad and the pup. Dealing with pet sickness is so hard because they can't tell you what's wrong. Maybe he just fainted from the excitement of the treat? Hope that's it!

BTW - if you find your sanity, can you check for mine while you're there? Much appreciated!

Runnergirl said...

I think this week is kicking everyone's behinds. I went into the back of another car, put clean washing out to dry outside and came home to it fallen everywhere and getting rained on and it's only Wednesday.

I hope things get better for you, just one question - is the doc single, cos it sounds like he was flirting with you?!

Vince said...

King Arthur: Old woman.
Dennis: Man.
King Arthur: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I'm 37.
King Arthur: What?
Dennis: I'm 37. I'm not old.
King Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man".
Dennis: Well you could say "Dennis".
King Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out did you?
King Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...
Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
King Arthur: Well I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.

Share this quote
King Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays... ]
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Share this quote
Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

Share this quote
Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.

Share this quote
Dennis: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
King Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, Didn't you?

Vince said...

Sorry. I could have edited, but it's just to good

Hugs en kisses

diane rene said...

oh wow! hope dad and pooch are okay.

oddly, I can relate the turning in circles and going to the groceries ... sometimes doing something that requires little thought keeps part of my brain busy enough to process the other things going on.

hubby calls me a spaz for this ... I like to think I have so much brain power that it requires multitasking in order to work most efficiently. you know, too many hands stirring the pot kind of thing? we need to delegate, even in our own minds.

yes, hubby has an answer to this one too ... multiple personalities. apparently it is often found with 'spaz'.

Lynn said...

Oh dear. so sorry about Metro. I can completely see the turning in circles bit. and why ISN'T there a vet 911? There should be. Doesn't it just seem that things DO happen all at once?

Kelly@MentalGarbage said...

Oh wow... I hope he's ok! How scary!

kathryn said...

ValleyWriter: HA! Yeah, there's no sign of our sanity....anywhere! I guess we're going to have to figure out how to get along without it for a while. Let's both keep an eye out for it!

Runnergirl: Oh, man! That positively stinks. I agree...I think it's a pretty crappy week for a lot of people. Hopefully, we can salvage what's left of it, though. And it's funny you should mention the flirting....'cause when he was going over the information, he was sitting next to me and his knee was touching MY knee. I recall thinking it wasn't very professional. And YES, he WAS wearing a ring.

Vince: Wow....where did this come from?? I'll assume you needed to get this off your chest. Maybe this was meant to distract me from my troubles...

kathryn said...

diane rene: Well, I like your idea...the excess brain power, delegation and all that. We know for a fact that hubby's version makes absolutely no sense.

Lynn:'s that "when it rains, it pours" thing...and I don't like it one bit. I'd barely caught my breath and couldn't seem to wrap my brain around what was happening. I'm all for a doggie 9-1-1!

kathryn said...

KellyGrrl: was scary. I worried all day today that it would happen and the boys would have to deal on their own. It's so stressful not knowing what's wrong.

Gigi said...

Poor Metro! (Are you sure he wasn't faking it in hopes of getting another treat?) Hopefully, he'll be fine soon.

As for your sanity - I think it may be hiding out in my closet with mine plotting ways to take over the world. I'll go see if I can coax them to come back.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Mom says (she's standing behind me SPYING (even though she says she's not)) that we hope Metro is okay.

Praying for him.

Unknown said...

Kathryn - I sincerely hope your dog is okay! I would have been freaking out also. And, yeah, I've wondered the same thing about not being given more than we can handle. Some days there's just too much crap piled on top of other crap.

Kate said...

Hang in there. I love the title of this post.

Lauren said...

We are definitely not given "only what we can handle". We're given what we get along with a dismissive sing-songed "Good luck!" Then again, handling a zillion things at once does make handling five seem laughable.

TC said...

I hope you find out what is wrong with Metro. Maybe I shouldn't mention this but Dispatch the bichon, you know the one? If he is puzzled as to what to do he freezes and swings his head back and forth..not that your actions in any way reminded me of a dog but......
I've never had a dog just collapse so I have NO ideas.

Alicia said...

Poor Metro. How scary. I hope he's ok and I hope it never happens when ya'll aren't there to take care of him. He's such a cutie!

Just wanted to let you know that I received my book today Kathryn and I was thrilled. Can't wait to dig in. Thank you again! (And I'm so glad you remembered the wineries and breweries...geesh, where was my head?)

Vince said...

The troubles bit. That is from Monty Python.
There is one for everyone. Me, it's the Holy Grail. Others the Life of Brian.
Anyhoo, if you do not have a shit-eating Cheshire Cat grin on your face after watching there are errors in the makeup that might require St Vincent and copious amounts of sweet 40proof.
Only watch yourself in the latter scenario. For there was many a vaguely down chick found herself baking a bun. Well beyond the time and when she thought her clitoris was under the control of her head.
A friend of mine on her last of four, had a coil, the pill and insisted her squeeze had a rain coat. Then they went to Spain !!!!!!!.

Anonymous said...

Is metro ok?

Bill and Liz said...

Kathryn - So sorry to hear about Metro's "episode"! I am an emergency vet - any chance Metro has a heart condition? Just an idea...

Hang in there!

wendy said...

Poor Metro. Maybe nothing is wrong with him. He could just be his owner, LOL! Kidding. Just kidding!
Seriously, I hope all goes well with your "puppy". Pets are like kids. Our cat, Maisy, had to have a splint put on last Saturday. She has a hairline fracture on her left foot. The splint comes off in another week. Hope she's learned her lesson and won't do whatever she did to get hurt again.
Completely understand what you mean about the brain not being able to process another single thing. Some days it seems as if there's never going to be a day when everthing will get tended to...Mama said there'd be days like that ;)

ClimbtoNowhere said...

I hate when a pet is sick because they can't speak! I hope he will be okay. Keep writing and do things that make you feel good. Like drinking, chocolate etc! Hang in there!

Heather said...

Wow, a sudden collapse? That would have had me going in circles too! Freaky! I sure hope it is nothing serious.

Glad your dad's surgery went well. You are a good daughter to take care of him.

Selina Kingston said...

I totally get the going round in circles. It sums up how I have been feeling recently. Really hope your dad and your dog are OK. It's really stressful I know. Good thoughts go out to you x

Mark Price said...

I forgot to comment when I read this post. Hope Metro and your Dad are both doing well.

Dreamfarm Girl said...

Maybe he's developed narcolepsy? An allergic reaction to treats? A possum's pension for playing dead? Whatever, I hope he's okay and your dad is too, and you are under a little less stress. Sometimes we just can't process one more thing....I completely understand that. we're not given more than we can handle, my butt. you are right, we just have to somehow deal with what we've got, but sometimes that is just one step in front of the other. or one bag of frozen goods into the freezer. hope you and yours are all doing well today!

Alan W. Davidson said...

I hope that you got some good feedback on Metro. Was the treat large enough that if he swolled it whole it could get lodged in his throat?

That was a funny story about your dad at the doctor's office. Funny as in the doctor's comments, not in the fact he needed surgery. Hope he's doing well. Perhaps Dr. Funnypants should guest blog here with a few one-liners.

Kristy @Loveandblasphemy said...

Hugs to you! Some days just won't quit. Argh to days like that.

kathryn said...

Gigi: Yeah....good luck with that! I've no long-term hope for my sanity returning anytime soon. And if yours and mine are in cahoots, the world had better LOOK OUT!

Oddyoddyo13: Thank you, your mom, too! It seems that Metro had a seizure. I know this 'cause I looked it up and then he had another one right in front of me a few days later. He's on meds now. It's always something, right?

Kimberly: Uh-huh....that's exactly right. I appreciate it making us stronger...yada, yada....but really?? I mean, c'mon! Sometimes, a lot of crap is just a lot of crap.

Jerry said...

I'm really happy for your father and I like his doctor and Metro's ailment has me stumped (unless he was faking it). Now as for you...

Aw hell, you're Kathryn!

kathryn said...

Kate: Thanks...I appreciate it.

Lauren: I totally agree. I think we get what we get...and sometimes it feels like way more than I want to handle.

TC: Thank you. It seems he'd had a I'm adding that to the list of issues he's had. Our regular vet comes back tomorrow (Monday) and I can't wait to get him back over there. I have way more questions than answers.

Anonymous said...

Oh poor Metro! I hope the results were okay. Of course he could just have been messing with you, to see what you'd do. He probably had his little doggy nanny-cam set to record you running around in circles...

I do hope he feels better though.


snoble24 said...

i hope your doggy will be allright

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