Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Results Are In & a SpamAlert

My junk mail dutifully snagged this one. Gee…are we sure it’s spam?

Subject: New tastes – new feelings! Enjoy Greece for free

Dear Sir/Madam,
Well. I never. As a bona fide, card-carrying member of The Sexy Biker Chick club, this salutation is simply unacceptable. I am neither a “sir” nor a” madam”. I am a hot biker chick. That qualifies me as a “Miss”, or at least a “Ms”.'re not off to a good start here.

We apologize for being using the e-mail as the way of contact and hope for understanding. Your e-mail address was delivered to us by the program established by Consumer Product Safety Commission founded by the US Government, Greece Government and a number of Greek leading external commerce companies.
Well, that sounds about right…since the head of the Consumer Product Safety Commission and I are *like this* (demonstrates…holding two fingers tightly together).

The Program, that aims the organization of trade relations between our countries, represents the market research to support the Greek companies as well as to allow the US citizens to check the products of high quality produced with the tastes and demands of the US costumers.
That’s ‘cause we Americans are a very picky bunch...and our costumers are the worst!. But they can’t help it…it’s just who they are. They’re probably grumpy ‘cause they’re really only employed once a year at Halloween. I’m intrigued by your association with such a specific demographic. And how did you know about my costume obsession affiliation??

In order to implement the Program we are employing the Focus Group representing all the main brunches of the US society.
I am very happy to hear you’re addressing the brunches…as opposed to only the breakfasts…or say, lunch. Brunches have been overlooked long enough. I like bacon and sausage, btw.

Each member of the group will be given a chance to test the products of Greek exports: olives, wine, olive oil, sea staff etc,- as well as to compare them with those that are nowadays represented in the US market.
Well, I can’t remember the last time I tasted really good sea staff. It might have been in ’07…and if I recall correctly, he was sort of gamey and definitely lacked that boffo flavor I anticipate from well-aged sea staff. Here in the US, we’re only allowed to eat hotel staff…and only in months that end with the letter “B”.

If you are interested in this suggestion, please e-mail us and our company will be glad to see you among our competitors on the checker vacancy. If you are not interested – we apologize for being disturbing you.
Well, you are disturbing to me! Of course I’m interested in the checker-vacancy position, amongst your competitors! I’ll kick their ass!

Your e-mail address will never be given to the third parties.
Hey. I totally trust you on this. You’re considered a first party, right? Should I give you my cellphone number, just in case you forgot something?

Sincerely yours
Nikas Kharisteas, HR manager expected
Um. Does “expected” mean you’re with child…or that you’re not technically in the position just yet? Will you be my boss? I’m gonna need a few weeks off in October for the big costumer convention in Vegas…just so you know...

Da boys have picked the winners of the book giveaway! Please offer up a big round of applause for the winners of an autographed copy of Walk like You Have Somewhere to Go by Lucille O’Neal:

Gay Guy

If you get the chance, check out the original post here. Under the comments, I’m thrilled to report that we have one from Ms. O’Neal herself! It’s very sweet…and I know she appreciates all your kind words.

Big thanks go out to all who entered…I wish I had enough copies for everyone. Who knows…maybe someone will contact me to do this again…(hint, hint)

Lauren said...

HA! I can't believe you don't trust them. They sound totally reliable to me. I would just be weary of second parties. They say nothing about not giving your email to them.

Anonymous said...

This Greece thing looks slippery.
Or perhaps I've misunderstood. Maybe you're the one that he wants on those summer nights - or is that a different Greece?

Well I must slide off now.
Thanks for an entertaining post.

All the best, Boonsong

injaynesworld said...

Well, damn! All I get are offers for Viagra. I'm a big fan of Greek olives so you can give them my e-mail address if you like. ;)

kathryn said...

Lauren: Oh, riiight....I forget about those sneaky second-parties! They're the ones that get cha, too...with their fancy talk and promises of a katrillion dollars that's just waiting for your credit card to claim.

Boonsong: Ya think? Gee...if John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John are involved in this thing, maybe I should give it a 2nd look. (I do believe this is how rumors get started!) Sliding off myself...!

Alicia said...

I'm a winner! I'm a winner! (insert me doing dance of joy here)

I am so thrilled and honored and I accept this prize on behalf of all the little people out there. My fellow giveaway enterers!

It was a long hard battle, typing away greedily how badly I wanted this book. Then the sleepless nights waiting, wondering how many other greedy fingers were out there entering this awesome giveaway thereby lessening my chances of winning!

And now...thanks to "da boys" and their magical fingers I've won an awesome book to add to my library and to add to my side bar as books read in 2010! (insert orchestra playing signaling that my moment of glory is at the end and I have to end my acceptance speech here)

Thanks Kathryn and thanks to Mrs O'Neal! And I hope many other authors, car makers, gourmet chocolate companies, perfumers and fashion designers offer to let you interview them and give you goodies to share with your loyal readers!

Alicia said...

By the have lovely penmanship and I bet you look awfully stylish in that hat as well!

sage said...

I've received enough emails from Africa telling about sad stories of rich folks who die in plane crashes and want to get their money out and if I just help them, I can get a cut, to make me wonder if plane crashes don't kill more folks in Africa than AIDS, lions and wars put together.

Good comments, LMAO!

kathryn said...

injaynesworld: HA! Ew...Viagra?? Don't those people know who you are? I'll let them know to forward the olives your way. I wonder if that comes with a side of sea staff...

Alicia: You are a RIOT, girlfriend! LOVE your acceptance speech...even if they did rush you at the end there with their musical-signal! Ya like that hat? I borrowed it from Taylor (18). It's an Australian Outback-kinda hat. I felt I needed it...since I'd told everyone they were IN a hat. (PS: Thanks for those good vibes towards someone else asking me to promote. You forgot the wineries and distilleries. It's I've put it out there!)

sage: Gee. We'd better get moving, if we're gonna help all those African-rich-folks! What do you think they need? Will 10k cover it?
(Does anyone actually respond to these things??

Carol said...

You get all the good spam. I get Russian Brides, usually, today I got senior life insurance- they think I'm still in high school LOL!

Kelly@MentalGarbage said...

I WON!! I WON I WON I WON!!! Hooray!!! I cannot wait to read this book! :-)

And I don't know about that being spam... I think you can trust them. They seem legit. ;-)

Mark Price said...

Congratulations to your winners!! Barkeep...a round of sea staff for everyone please! Oh don't worry about the tab, as you can plainly see I am a Nigerian prince.

If in fact they send wine please forward it to me...the wine, not the e-mail. Funny post, thanks for the giggles. OOH gotta go I may have won a new Ipad.

Spam is fun. Not!

Dorn said...

My brain fixed their errors, it wasn't until I'd hit the commentary that I'd noticed Costumers and Brunch. My wife, who edited most of my college papers, can't work through it so easily. She stalls on the typos and misspellings where I just keep moving on. I guess ultimately I'll enable the educational demise of our children.

Missed Periods said...

So, you're a costumer. I always suspected.

Runnergirl said...

As always, you have made me snort with laughter!

I am still at a loss as to what they were asking of you though.

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Too funny! I've gotten a lot of emails from Nigerian princes as well. I've considered responding back, but how many princes do you think I could deal with before I had a harem? It's just too much work. lol

kathryn said...

Carol: What? "Senior life insurance" for the average high-schooler? WTF?? I'm sure when high school kids are polled, that's their #1 concern..."Do I have enough life insurance? I wonder..." The "Russian brides" one would make for an....interesting post.

KellyGrrl: YES, YOU DID! I'm happy for you, sweetie! And I agree...this email totally sounds legit. I mean, they know people in such high could it not?

Mark Price: Wait. I get olives...and you get an iPad?? No freakin' fair! What is a Nigerian prince gonna do with an iPad, anyway? You probably have crappy reception in Nigeria. You should give it to ME.

kathryn said...

Dorn: Ha! Well, it sounds like you and your wife kind of balance each other out, don't you think? I'm about in the middle between you two...on the first run, I caught some...but not all. We can still take it with the good spirit that was intended (I'm sure).

Missed Periods: (Snickers)Yeah...I guess my secret's out. I wonder how they found out about it in Greece??? Must've been my buddy at the Consumer Product Safety Commission. I never liked him.

Runnergirl: I think they wanted me to taste some of their products? I'm supposed to email them back if I'm interested. It's probably only a nominal fee (to me) for shipping and handling...

kathryn said...

Tinkerschnitzel: Ha! You're the second person to bring up the Nigerian princes! I'd no idea there were so many ONLINE! When do they get any of their prince-ly chores done??

Anonymous said...

I received this email also however mine included Furs and grapes along with the olive oil and sea staff. I wasn't aware that it got that cold in Greece. Perhaps the Sea Staff come wearing furs and olive oil you know like bear greece while eating grapes. I can visualize this like Cleopatra. Wow I think these folks are kind of kinky.

Gigi said...

Because of this post I went to check out my spam folder. Nothing interesting there - except I did find a few comments to my blog that got caught in there (I set them free) and offers for Viagra and Rolexes.

I always suspected that the costumers were an under-targeted demographic (especially those costumers that brunch) - now I know who we need to target when Hubby starts his own business.

Sea staff or sea stuff - either way doesn't sound appealing to me at if they were offering seafood - I might be interested.

TC said...

I thought I was the only one who got these, seriously this one was mild but I'd like to know how he knew about your costume obsession? LOL

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Gee, I wonder why your computer thought that was spam...

Congrats to the winners!!

Gay Guy said...

I am so incredibly honored and fortunate. Can't wait to read.

Yet another benefit of "From the Inside Out."

kathryn said...

Anonymous: Wow! You've got a fertile imagination! I LIKE that. I wonder why you got offered grapes and furs and not me? I do believe I may be a little bit insulted.

wendy said...

Sea Staff?? Well, if they are good looking SBD'S (Sexy Biker Dudes) And want me to sample them by tasting... I'm not THAT picky of an American costumer ;) LMAO
Seriously? This was Spam?

kathryn said...

Gigi: HA! "Especially those costumers that brunch".....LOVE IT! Yeah, I couldn't figure out a way for "sea staff" to work out well for any of us costumers out there. (Not that I'm one...of course.) I'm glad you've set those mis-guided comments free!

TC: LOL! Gee...maybe he really does have connections somewhere. I'm sure it's just a big 'ole coincidence, right?

Oddyoddyo13: I know! My email probably automatically catches anything that's being sent to thousands of people...and it's probably from a "hotmail" account...(another red flag)

kathryn said...

Gay Guy: YAY. My first author-interview at Inside...Out. How coincidental that someone I'd interviewed previously (you!) would win. It's coming full circle.

kathryn said...

Wendy Blum: I know...hard to believe it probably isn't legit, right? I see your point though...if the sea staff were actually HOT, maybe we should re-consider a little nibble.

Nance said...

As long as they don't ask for your SSN or your credit card number, it's s'posed to be good to go, right? Not so much? Uh-oh....

Kristy @Loveandblasphemy said...

Maybe I should actually take the time to read the junk mail and be entertained by it at least.

Jen said...

Yeah, I won! And, I just got it today. Very cool.

kathryn said...

Nance: Um. Uh. Not so much...At least they've solved that 'oops, I guess I shouldn't have opened it' issue with these emails. Now you've just got to be stupid enough to respond to them!

Kristy: Well, there's something to be said for the entertainment value. I just scan 'em...and I try to have a sense of humor whilst doing so.

Jen: Yeah, baby! Still can't believe how fast it got there. I think I mailed 'em on Friday.

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