My junk mail dutifully snagged this one. Gee…are we sure it’s spam?
Subject: New tastes – new feelings! Enjoy Greece for free
Well. I never. As a bona fide, card-carrying member of The Sexy Biker Chick club, this salutation is simply unacceptable. I am neither a “sir” nor a” madam”. I am a hot biker chick. That qualifies me as a “Miss”, or at least a “Ms”. Seriously...you're not off to a good start here.
We apologize for being using the e-mail as the way of contact and hope for understanding. Your e-mail address was delivered to us by the program established by Consumer Product Safety Commission founded by the US Government, Greece Government and a number of Greek leading external commerce companies.
Well, that sounds about right…since the head of the Consumer Product Safety Commission and I are *like this* (demonstrates…holding two fingers tightly together).
The Program, that aims the organization of trade relations between our countries, represents the market research to support the Greek companies as well as to allow the US citizens to check the products of high quality produced with the tastes and demands of the US costumers.
That’s ‘cause we Americans are a very picky bunch...and our costumers are the worst!. But they can’t help it…it’s just who they are. They’re probably grumpy ‘cause they’re really only employed once a year at Halloween. I’m intrigued by your association with such a specific demographic. And how did you know about my costume
In order to implement the Program we are employing the Focus Group representing all the main brunches of the US society.
I am very happy to hear you’re addressing the brunches…as opposed to only the breakfasts…or say, lunch. Brunches have been overlooked long enough. I like bacon and sausage, btw.
Each member of the group will be given a chance to test the products of Greek exports: olives, wine, olive oil, sea staff etc,- as well as to compare them with those that are nowadays represented in the US market.
Well, I can’t remember the last time I tasted really good sea staff. It might have been in ’07…and if I recall correctly, he was sort of gamey and definitely lacked that boffo flavor I anticipate from well-aged sea staff. Here in the US, we’re only allowed to eat hotel staff…and only in months that end with the letter “B”.
If you are interested in this suggestion, please e-mail us and our company will be glad to see you among our competitors on the checker vacancy. If you are not interested – we apologize for being disturbing you.
Well, you are disturbing to me! Of course I’m interested in the checker-vacancy position, amongst your competitors! I’ll kick their ass!
Your e-mail address will never be given to the third parties.
Hey. I totally trust you on this. You’re considered a first party, right? Should I give you my cellphone number, just in case you forgot something?
Nikas Kharisteas, HR manager expected
Um. Does “expected” mean you’re with child…or that you’re not technically in the position just yet? Will you be my boss? I’m gonna need a few weeks off in October for the big costumer convention in Vegas…just so you know...
Da boys have picked the winners of the book giveaway! Please offer up a big round of applause for the winners of an autographed copy of Walk like You Have Somewhere to Go by Lucille O’Neal:
If you get the chance, check out the original post here. Under the comments, I’m thrilled to report that we have one from Ms. O’Neal herself! It’s very sweet…and I know she appreciates all your kind words.
Big thanks go out to all who entered…I wish I had enough copies for everyone. Who knows…maybe someone will contact me to do this again…(hint, hint)