Yes…I’ve fallen off the edge of the internet-earth again…or so it would appear. If anyone had bothered to look closely however, they would have undoubtedly seen the tips of my fingers frantically digging into the crumbling dirt…right there at the cliff's edge...and they would have heard my exasperated, weary voice saying, “Ow. Crap. Uh-oh. Sh!t. That’s gonna leave a mark…”
And although it may seem as if I’m getting lazy…or being somewhat irresponsible about staying current, this is actually not the case at all. The truth is that I’d been sucker-punched after the already discombobulating upset of a residential move by something called “Sciatica”. All I’m gonna say is I initially chose to deny the pain even existed in favor of packing boxes and completing my move, only to be hit with a pain afterward that made me shriek with surprise and agony and which resulted in a trip to the ER and many, many days of uninterrupted bed rest…and I’ve got the fetching hospital gown and narcotics to prove it:
One might think that being on endless bed rest would make the ideal time to surf the web, completely reorganize all email accounts and stockpile many, many a witty post for future publication. Alas, this could not be further from the reality of it all. Having to lay flat makes typing on a hot, sweaty laptop next to impossible…and trying to focus whilst under the influence is an excellent way to duplicate orders, alienate acquaintances and pretty much guarantee a future including lots of junk/spam emails from sites you categorically don’t recall visiting.
Bottom line is this: I believe I’ve pushed through the worst of it and am officially on the mend. (Picture me knocking on the wooden tray that sits between my lap and my laptop as I type this.)
During my brief forays in the vertical position, I’m attempting to un-do a whole week’s worth of family life in the rest of the house sans me…or my talent for cleaning up after everyone else. Since we’re out of a lot of stuff (and I’ve no inclination to brave driving as of yet) I’ve had to get creative to get things done…not unlike that legendary teevee character from the 1980’s.
MacGyver was famous for creating things out of other things…and getting himself out of many a pickle by, say…creating musical notes with liquid-filled goblets to replicate code sounds to successfully open a keypad-locked door. That’s just the kind of guy he was.
Today, I was washing the ceramic tile floors, using the Swiffer Wet Jet:
…an ingenious device that allows one to start each cleaning session with a brand-spanking-new cleaning pad…
…that is, unless your floors are really dirty and you realize you’re only halfway done and the pad is filthy and you need another one only to discover that you’ve completely and hopelessly run out and then, well…what are ya gonna do? At a cost of $6.69 for 12 pads, with no generic alternative…they’ve got us by the cojones, right?
But I wanted to finish now and I was so freakin’ annoyed that I couldn’t get this one thing done. So, I got to thinking, “Would anything work about the same?”...and....voila!:
Don’t laugh…it worked freakin’ great. And at roughly $6.29 for 36 pads, it’s a bargain.
I can just see the guys reading this….scratching their heads…brows furrowed…till realization dawns…now they’re turning pale and starting to gag. Sorry guys…it’s not like they’re used or anything…geez. (I was tempted to add, "grow a pair" to this last statement but I feel you've already suffered enough. You're welcome.)
C’mon…admit it. I'm brilliant.
Part invalid...part imbalanced, maybe....but freakin' genius...