Sunday, June 20, 2010

Greed, Hovering and Choking



Yup. It was a wild Saturday night, folks. Actually, it was more like early Sunday morning...and I'm heavily engrossed in an eppy of American Greed on CNBC. Some computer-hack-genius who got greedy (hence the name...duh.) and after several billion dollars of damage to innocent Americans in identity theft, he got nabbed by some federal agency with a lot of letters....like the CNRQVTYRPS. I do not recall what this stands for...but you obviously don't wanna mess with these guys....'cause even the whiz that got caught said they were "supah-bad-ass freakin' geniuses"...or something to this effect....grudgingly admitting that there were actually government employees smarter than he. I believe this knowledge hurt him more than any incarceration ever could.

You may be shocked to learn that the above has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on tonight’s post. (Really? Do you not know me??) I'm merely setting the stage...you know, giving you a mental snapshot of my mindset at the time. You're very welcome. 

It was one of the commercial ads that did me in. It wouldn’t have been so bad had I not just taken a huge gulp of my seltzer with about four assorted monster pills…(calcium, multi, etc, etc ‘cause I’m getting freakin’ old and need to avoid breaking a hip whilst walking the dog…in the dark…with a flashlight operating at 50% capacity. Note to self: buy batteries.)

Anyway, you whipper-snappers. Most of that mouthful of seltzer…including the monster pills…came showering down on my comforter…thanks to this ad. Pay attention, people…this may be the future of Glee…in 60 years.

I will say this: If I ever round a corner and witness a wall of choreographed, white-bobble-headed chairs bearing down on me, I won’t be sticking around long enough to admire their maneuvering…I’ll be the gal racing away…trying so very hard to hold back a guffaw…but still taking the time to perform a perfect-180-2-step to fire off a photo on my cell…just for you.

‘Cause I’d do just about anything…for you.

Enjoy-





Fierce said...

Oh that guy between the other two guys kinda looks like Mr Schuester!!! Hey Kathryn, I thought you said you were gonna buy those batteries yesterday. Are you forgetting things now? *squinty eye* Here are those vitamins you wanted...

:)
xoxo

kathryn said...

Fierce: I'm telling you...senility is right around the corner. Hopefully, it's not catching...or you guys are all in serious trouble. Honestly...do you believe that ad will sell more chairs?? (Thanks for finding my vitamins...I'd wondered what became of them!)

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Oh GREAT. Now that's going to be stuck in my head for DAYS. I just know it. I can feel it. (Go, go, go, in my hover round. (Or whatever the heck it was called.))

So....what was with the mention of the guy and all the money?? LoL

Seems to me like you had three main components in this here post (<---Southern talk, you like?); The giant, monster/killer scooter/lawn mower type thing, the guy that stole all the money, and the people in the scooters.

Only you Kathryn...only you. :)

Lauralee said...

Hello was just checking out new blogs and came across yours. I think yours is really good so I had to become a follower. Come check out mine if you'd like.

BlackLOG said...

…..with a flashlight operating at 50% capacity. Note to self: buy batteries
Kathryn sorry to be the barer of bad news it might not be your batteries that are failing but your night vision, in which case you might need new eyeballs. While you are waiting for them you might want to put a bell on that new chair of yours, to give people a fighting chance of getting out of your way.

P.S. Don't shoot the messenger I was just trying to make some helpful and constructive comments, UK style.....

Alan W. Davidson said...

Har! That was a hilarious video, Kathryn. Nothing like synchronized geezer chairs to start one's day (apologies to all geezers out there...you know who you are!). The ones in the crosswalk reminded me of the Beatles Abbey Road album cover.

dailyseeking said...

I've missed your blog; I was in a world without wireless!

ValleyWriter said...

I'm at work, so I kept the sound off - but I have to tell you, the images are disturbing enough on their own. Synchronized hoverrounding - the new Olympic sport!

Susan said...

I KNEW this was the ad you were referring to before I played the video. My 10-year-old son was sick for several days in a row, and he is now able to sing the whole song, as well as nearly all of the narration. He insists that they are racing each other.

Susan said...

...great, now the song is stuck in my head, too.

Lynn said...

Oh this is funny! It reminds of this event. I had trouble deciding which one to post for you, but chose this one (even though I don't like the caller much) because the dancing was fun to watch. Enjoy--but be sure you don't have anything in your mouth. hehe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WxyzS0vCME&feature=related


"Watch those tires churn up ground." YEEEHAW!!!

Lauren said...

Now you know they're going to use that in the season premiere of Glee right? ...saw it somehwere... in my mind... Could have been an awesome mash-up with the Rollin' on the River number they had planned. I'm not a fan of Glee or the hover round. What are you talking about?

j.m. neeb said...

Admittedly, I turned the sound off because I didn't want anything stuck in my head for the rest of the day except the voices already in there...

The choreography of the hover-whatever-they-are-called was creepy. I mean, the devices themselves are alright, but they came across as some sort of West Side Story gang for the elderly.

(At least, that's the disturbing impression one can get while watching it with the sound off.)

sage said...

I won't one of those machines! Don't break a hip, but this reminds me, I was going to call my orthopedic doc and have him check out my left leg... Getting old is hell.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

You are such a genius, girl.

kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13: Yeah...I'm digging this here comment, sweets. And yes...three separate components...but it came full circle, right? Wait. No...no, it did not. The monster wheelchair thing was to get your attention, the Greed-guy was to set the stage...and the teevee ad made me choke on my seltzer. It makes perfect sense now, right?

Lauralee: Welcome! I'm glad you stopped by. I appreciate the compliment...and I'll definitely be by to visit at your place. Thanks!

BlackLOG: Oh...now I see. (Pun ABSOLUTELY intended.) Hey...I'd like to see YOU in high heels, martini (I mean, coffee) in one hand, the leash in another and a dim flashlight that you have to keep smacking in the crook of your elbow...pitch-freakin'-black outside. Wait...wasn't that you I spotted in that car...dog leash trailing out the window...and didn't you throw the poop into some guy's mailbox? Now, get outta my way, or I'm telling.

Gigi said...

Oh Kathryn - you kill me. I'll never be able to look at another elderly person in an electronic wheeled chair the same again....

And sweets? You ain't getting old - cause if you are then I am! I prefer to think of it as "taking care of ourselves" so that we can be around long enough to torture our children (more than we already do, of course).

kathryn said...

Alan W. Davidson: YES! Abbey Road....totally! That whole synchronized-thing completely unhinged me....I thought it was the hour, till I saw it was still entirely hilarious the next day. What were they thinking??

dailyseeking: Hey, sweetie! Missed you! A world w/o internet?? I hope you've informed them that you're not going back. I thought places like that were just a myth...

ValleyWriter: Honey, you missed nothing by having the sound OFF. The images tell the whole story...I'm imagining the makers of this ad did not want to repel viewers...but seeing it once will set me up forever. And I'll be you're right: Olympics 2030!

kathryn said...

Susan: Oops...sorry about that. How scary is it that our kids know this song? I'd agree they're racing each other...but what's with the weaving in and out in and around the mall?? I can't get that image out of my head!!

Lynn: Oh, how bizarre. I love the blonde "lady" with the beard! I found myself scanning that rather large crowd...and wondering what the vendor was selling to them. Thanks for sharing!

Lauren: Ha! Oh, God...couldn't you just see it? Glee for the geriatric crowd...oh, the traffic jams...the lawsuits...maybe Twyla Tharp could choreograph something snappy??

kathryn said...

j.m. neeb: Hey, it wouldn't have impressed you any differently with the sound ON. You just saved yourself from that endless brain-loop. I found it to be disturbing on many, many levels...kind of a stepford town of rolling, weaving, bobbing motorchairs. Brrrrrrr.

sage: Yes, I agree...getting old(er) sucks. I seem to spill more...and I don't always gauge the opening of a doorway properly...which (again) makes me spill. Gee...it sounds like I'm always carrying a beverage, doesn't it??

Maureen@IslandRoar: Thank you, sweetie. I'll take that compliment...especially 'cause I edited a boring 2 minute ad down to a respectable...what? 35 seconds??

kathryn said...

Gigi: Ha! You are right, as always...only our children are getting older. We are merely improving in a non-aging way. (Emphasis on the improving part.) But seriously? All those motorized vehicles criss-crossing and boogying to and fro...it's freakin' freaky! Are they hoping people will want to join in at the end of the line....like doing the long tango line at a wedding?

Dreamfarm Girl said...

A doctor friend once told me that in her opinion the biggest contributor to poor health in the elderly was that they quit having to walk. We make it to easy for them to Hoveraround. The peppy song makes it sound like they are getting into the groove, but really, it takes the groove right out of them. May we all be walking till we're 100. Cheers! (I'll join you with a glass of water to down those calcium pills.)

KellyGrrl said...

Oh my god... That's the funniest Hover Round commercial ever! hahaha

Wendy Blum said...

LOVE you for posting this. My friend Heather and I really would enjoy a Hover Round chair. She is 39 and I will be in August. But hey, be prepared. Right? OUR Hover Round chairs will be supah-bad-ass. I'm thinking turbo boosters and dual exhaust and flames on the front and back. Or, skull and cross bones. BOSE radio screaming out COWBOYS FROM HELL by KORN. Heather and I will be Hover Round Racing Champions. I can feel the glory and admiration now...

f8hasit said...

You were right for adding the apology at the beginning. I've now got it stuck in my head. However, it is after 5pm, so I'm now going to try to at least drown it out with the waterfall and some vino. I'll think of you.
:-)

Jerry said...

C'mom -- fess up. Haven't you ever faked a sprained ankle just so you get to do wheelies in one of those grocery store scooter things? Sure you have. It's practice for the future!

Spot said...

That's just wrong. And scary. And the song IS stuck in my head. Crap.

♥Spot

kathryn said...

Dreamfarm Girl: Well, I can totally see that being the case. This ad made it seem like "the thing that all the cool senior citizens are doing"...with all their fancy moves and all. I have to say: It would never occur to me to hold hands with someone driving a motorized vehicle. Both hands on the wheel, mister! Cheers, sweetie-

KellyGrrl: I thought so too. It seems like they took it to a whole new level....I was totally not expecting it.

Wendy Blum: Ha! YOU can feel the glory and admiration....I'm picturing lawsuits and MRI's in your future! Altho, the Bose radio sounds like an excellent feature...

kathryn said...

f8hasit: Ha! I'm always relieved when I remember to add the disclaimer. I'm equally glad that many watched it with the sound down, as they were at work...and really, what would ppl think? Cheers, sweetie....and pour me a glass. We'll drown out that song as we laugh at the antics of your next-door neighbor...

Jerry: HA! Why am I guessing there's a whole 'nother side to you, mister?? I'm picturing an evil grin on your face...and razor-sharp aim at clipping the cart of that kid wearing the iPod in the frozen foods aisle. Go on...tell me I'm wrong.

Spot: Sorry, sweets. It's such a stupid song, right? Turn on your iPod....start singing My Life Would Suck Without You....c'mon! I'll sing it with you!

Wendy Blum said...

HAHAHA! How can you tell from so far away what a horrible driver I am?? Uncanny abilities, Kathryn. And I forgot to mention, Heather has never even driven a car let alone a Hover Round LMAO! Have to admit it though, by the time we get to Hover Round age, it will be worth all the MRI's and lawsuits if we are still well enough to go racing ;)
"Wind in our hair, bugs in our teeth" will be our racing motto.

John McElveen said...

Dammit! Getting tissue for keyboard!!!

FANTASTICNOMENAL!!!

Did you know that during the Original Hoveround commercial--an old lady actually fell to her death while filming?


OK OK it didn't happen, but wouldn't that be hilarious????...and from the Bottom....an almost lifeless granny would whisper...

I've fallen and I can't.....

Clap Clap-- Lights Out!

John

kathryn said...

Wendy Blum: Oh, hilarious! Of course, by then, they'll have tooth visors to cover the bug-issue...and that windblown look is oh-so-sexay!!

John McElveen: Oh, you sick puppy. I remember someone telling me when I was about 12 that during the recording of the song "Roller of Love" that someone was murdered and if you listened really carefully you could hear her scream. Now, every time I see the Hover ad, I'll think of clapping, dying, falling little old ladies...
Thanks for that!

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