Monday, May 3, 2010

Will it Away

We’re nearing the home stretch of the panicked packing and preparation that’ll have us settled comfortably into our new digs in one weeks time.

One week! Oy.

Over the weekend, I dropped Taylor (18) off at his girlfriend’s and stopped for a moment to say hello to the mom. She inquired how the packing was going and casually mentioned that if I had any stuff to be thrown away, the town was doing a “free pass to the dump day”, for that day only…not to be repeated again for the remainder of the year, due to budget restrictions. I asked her if she knew what time they finished up over there and she figured it was somewhere around 1 or 2 o’clock. I glanced at the clock on my dashboard and was dismayed to see it was 1:06.

“They might already be closed,” I say.

“It’s worth taking a ride over to see,” she responds.

As I navigate the five minute drive to the center of town, my mind goes into overdrive thinking about all the crap I could throw away…if only I had the chance! There were no other cars in the huge lot when I pulled in…but the cub scouts were still manning the lemonade stand, so I figured I was golden. The guys in the booth by the massive dumpsters said 2:30 was closing time and with a whoop of joy, I squealed rubber delicately turned around and tore out of there casually merged back onto the highway to get back to the house.

All Connor (13) heard was the garage door open and me yelling, “CONNOR! HURRYHURRYHURRY GET THE SCREWDRIVERS GET THE HAMMER GET THE CRAP ALL THE CRAP IF WE CAN FIT IN MY CAR HURRYHURRYHURRY NOT MUCH TIME IT’S FREE IT’S FREEEE!!!!!!”

Connor met me at the bottom of the stairs and responded with a profound, “What?”

I said, “IT’S FREE YA GOTTA HELP ME LET’S DITCH THAT BROKEN MINI POOL TABLE AND THAT BROKEN FLOOR LAMP AND….OH, CRAP! IT NEEDS THAT OTHER KIND OF SCREWDRIVER I HOPE I DIDN’T ALREADY PACK IT THE O’HENRY SCREWDRIVER GO FIND IT GO FIND IT NOW.

Connor is completely clueless as to what I’m referring to…both with the screwdriver and the crap to throw away. All he knew is that I was dropping his brother off at his girlfriends.

I say, “Connor! Snap out of it and get me that screwdriver that’s the guy’s name!”

Connor: “What? Mom, I have no idea—“

Me: “Oh, c’mon! It’s the screwdriver that’s some guy’s name…I always forget the name…you know, for these weird screws? Never mind. I’ll get it myself…we’ve only got 45 minutes…it's free!”

I return with the tool and we painstakingly remove all the screws, bolts and other assorted hardware…neatly placing all the accessories into a bag in case someone there can fix the broken leg on the table, thereby rendering it still old but totally playable. We threw it and anything else we could find into the car until I couldn’t see out the back and we couldn’t close the trunk. We then gingerly bolted (isn't that an oxymoron?) out the driveway and over to the town dump. They checked my ID and directed us to the back area, where 2 guys waved me over and had me back up dangerously close to a drop-off where a tractor sat below with its empty bucket poised and waiting for its next load of crap. Suddenly, my trunk was open and doors were opening and as I started to explain about the broken leg on the pool table, I watched it sail through the air and crash down into the waiting bucket. This was followed in quick succession by the legs of said table and everything else that was in my car. These guys were machines! Within 15 seconds, my car was empty and they’d moved on to the next guy. Connor and I jumped back in the car (lest we be confused for crap and find ourselves sailing through the air towards that waiting bucket). We were grinning like idiots for pulling off the garbage/crap run of the century.

…and they heard Kathryn exclaim as she drove out of sight, “AN ALLEN WRENCH! THAT’S WHAT IT’S CALLED, DAMMIT!”
…and all was right with the world.


Momma Fargo said...

Haha! Love it! Good luck with that move...eww...so nice when you get there and get settled. Great post!

Gigi said...

HA! The Allen wrench I don't have a problem with; it's the screw driver named after that other guy. You know, the star-shaped one?

Glad you got rid of the junk for free - that is awesome!

Kimberly said...

I thought you were referring to the Phillips head screwdriver. Too funny! Glad you were able to unload some of your "crap"!

Hang in there!

Spot said...

I thought you meant a phillips too! That's the star shaped one. Whew! You really aced that! Go girl! Poor Connor.

Fingers crossed it all goes so smoothly!

♥Spot

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

OMG, this was so funny. I was getting anxious with the sense of urgency. And I would Never have come up with the name of the wrench.
Good Luck in this final week's countdown!!

ValleyWriter said...

Sweet! Free crap disposal - gotta love it! (Just hope you didn't lose your Allen wrench in the process!!)

Alan W. Davidson said...

Woo, hoo! Isn't it great getting rid of crap for free like that. The Allen key is familiar to all those who have ever purchased whatnots from IKEA. Glad all is going well.

Viv said...

You were way closer than I would have been with "screwdriver" I would have just called it "that-one-tool-thingie"... Makes complete sense.

Krista said...

LMAO - Kathryn you crack me up. The allen wrench. All the time I was thinking Robertson? Phillips? Ummm? K? LOL

Glad that you're getting some entertaining stories (for us) out of this whole ordeal!

Best wishes for a peaceful and not suckie move!

Christiejolu said...

LOL! You make a panic and moving funny!

Lauren said...

LMAO! Oh that was much needed and delightful. Nothing feels quite the same as ditching useless crap. I love that feeling. It's rush in and of itself. Okay... I've been hanging around OCD clean freaks too long.

MJ said...

woot on the free dump day & being able to unload some of your crap. and altho it was a rush job it was perfect because you didn't have time to think "well, I MIGHT be able to salvage this" or "oh this isn't as bad as I thought" only to pull it out of storage/unpack it and go WTF why did I keep this!

carissajaded said...

Good luck with everything! And good for you for throwing shiz away. I never do, my life is just full of boxes full of junk. I have been here for 2 months and finally found an hour tonight to unpack a few boxes. hope you do better than me!

Runnergirl said...

You have to PAY to take stuff to the tip?!

I thought you were referring to a Philips screwdriver...

....Petty Witter said...

An allen key. As a child with both a uncle Alan and an uncle Norman, I could remember that this type of key was named after one of them but often got it wrong so that even today, many years on, my family still refer to it as a norman key.

sage said...

Too funny, glad you made it on time!

Tinkerschnitzel said...

See, Kathryn, you are a super hero!

Tina said...

I'm smiling. That's the reason I come here. I missed you! Good luck with the new digs!

Wendy Blum said...

What a complete lady to squeal rubber in such dainty fashion-eth, m'lady Kathryn ;)
So glad you made your trash run in record time. After all that maniacal packing you and da boys have been doing; not to mention all else that goes with the moving process, you deserved a break. Even if it was a "trashy" or if you prefer "dumpy" one! LOL

Oddyoddyo13 said...

As always, you realize it the moment you don't need too.

But let's look at the bright side shall we???

You got rid of a ton of stuff in a short amount of time for FREE!!!!

John McElveen said...

Way to Go girl!

I kept yelling Phillip, the whole time- LOL, thinking it was a Phillips screwdriver, as I had never heard of anyone named Flathead!

Allen Wrench--of course. And by the Way-- Gingerly Bolted- I am sure- qualifies as an oxymoron!

John

Good on ya!

John

Heather said...

Talk about mad dashesing and incoherant rambling. I was just as confused as Connor! LOL! What kind of screwdriver? LOL! I can just image Connor thinking his mother has totally lost it, in just the little time she was gone!

So glad you didn't miss out on such a golden oppertunity!

JD at I Do Things said...

HA! "It's free!"

And how stupid am I to think you were referring to a Phillip's screwdriver?

Yes, I do believe "gingerly bolted" is an oxymoron, but I love it.

Rambles'N'Shambles said...

I think I'd spontaniously combust into flames if I knew of somethign like taht here, I'd hjack a superhero and make them levitate my two sheds and then empty the contents.

Because that stuff happens in real life,
I know it does!

X3 Awesome blog post~

Alicia said...

You really fooled everyone into believing you were talking about a phillips head...lol. I hope the move is going well and that you're doing better. Me? I think I'm going to survive. I'm back to work finally and catching up on the lives of my fav bloggers like you!

snoble24 said...

well its nice you got rid of some stuff that you needed to and it was free to do it.

sewa mobil said...

LOL! You make a panic and moving funny!

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