Sunday, May 16, 2010

Upside Down


Some days, I swear it would be more appropriate to rename this place Upside Down…those of you in the know will be happy to note that I am approximately 96.257% finished with my whine about this move. I’m almost done…but not quite.

Last night, I awoke in my new, unfamiliar surroundings. When I glanced at the time, it was 33.333 o’clock. This disturbed me on many, many levels…so I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming.

It hurt….therefore, I was not.

I said, “Sonofabitch!” to no-one in particular and debated whether to go back to sleep or check the clock in the kitchen to see if it too, said 33.333 o’clock. I mean, maybe there’s something wrong with the three clocks in my bedroom (yeah, count ‘em…three) and this is nature’s way of funding the electronic-clock industry, right? Clocks have to meet their maker sooner or later, I figure…so it’s worth a look-see.

Walking down the hall and into the kitchen required my doing the hokey-pokey sideways and in a zig-zag pattern…kinda like a “Z” followed by an “apostrophe-S” to reach the kitchen without taking a detour through another time zone…which would defeat the entire purpose of verifying the time in question, rendering the entire maneuver moot.

Needless to say, I’m not done unpacking. My whine-window hasn’t closed yet…right? ‘Cause I’m over this move already and I want my life back. I know I’m supposed to be all brave and upbeat and giddy but this moving actually bites the big kahootie and I’m so very, very DONE.

I do believe I actually said the above out loud, which in turn woke up Taylor…who zig-zagged down the hall, stubbed his toe, said some curse word in Japanese (I believe), maneuvered the Z followed by the apostrophe-S and grumpily asked me why I was up so late yelling at no-one in particular….and “what the hell is a kahootie, anyway?”

I responded that I was done and I wanted order back in my life, as well as world peace and a microwaveable dinner that didn’t have as much sodium as the Dead Sea. Then I glanced at the microwave for the time and saw it was a respectable 3:37…and I exclaimed, “Oh, crap. It is 3:37 in the morning. We must go to sleep. Those pictures aren’t gonna hang themselves, ya know” and I re-traced my steps back to the master, while vaguely hearing Taylor open the fridge…undoubtedly looking for the classic 3:3337 am snack.

This morning, he denied the conversation ever took place. However, I offer to you Exhibit A: three discarded wrappers of string cheese…and we’re chalking the bizarre time-sighting up to faulty wiring. I mean, what else could it be??


Fierce said...

I wouldn't ignore this time-travel K-dawg. I've gotta go with Connor on this one. I'm thinking he ate the string cheese in a different dimension but never actually got out of bed in this one. As to how the discarded wrappers found their way back to this dimension... well don't look at me, I'm not physicist!

:)
xoxo

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Hang in there Kit Kat the dimensions will integrate sooner or later!

Nance said...

As the victim of many moves perpetrated by the US government, I feel qualified to say that moving house is the most miserable experience on earth...unless it's moving very, very up. I've never moved that up. The next time I move, it will be called downsizing, which isn't at all up. They'll have to pry my cold, dead fingers from the master bathroom faucet, 'cause I refuse to budge.

Sucky subject; fun post!

Noelle said...

Ya know what Kat?? This MOVE has, as far as I am concerned been far too good for your talent. You just keep on getting more and more creative, I cannot wait to read the first book you will undoubtedly soon publish!
Congrats kiddo,
Mona

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Ugh, moving! My daughter denies so many conversations when I'd swear she was awake. They better never start drinking...
And whine away. Moving's hard. Who's to say whining can't me humerous?? Not me.

Lauren said...

I don't recall seeing a rule that stipulated you had to be upbeat or happy all the time. Or any of the time for that matter. And if you have seen this rule, just do what governments do! Grab a big black marker! I don't support censorship, but in this one particular case I will make an exception.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Hmmm...Chapter 2, Ghosts in the New Place. Glad to hear the nightmare is almost over.

ValleyWriter said...

OK, because it's early and I haven't had much coffee yet - I'll admit I first thought you were posting a picture of your new place :-O Took me a minute to realize there was something a little off... Hope things settle down soon!

JD at I Do Things said...

Cheese string wrappers would NOT stand up in a court of law, I'm afraid. Not unless you got a photo of them in front of the clock reading 33.3333 AM.

Selina Kingston said...

See, I thought that WAS a picture of your new place. OK I'm a bit slow but I've just had a baked potato which always makes me a bit sleepy. Glad the horror of the move is nearly done and here's hoping you settle in very soon x

Tinkerschnitzel said...

We have 2 clocks in our room, plus our cell phones are scheduled to go off in the morning as well. I totally understand this time/space continuum you've been stuck in. Just ignore it, and sleep in!

diane rene said...

there is no time limit to whine about moving. I whine about our last move any time hubby brings up the conversation of selling, and it's been over 10 years in this house :) it's HORROR!

kathryn said...

Fierce: Well, maybe it's me...but you sound like you've got some serious experience with this time-travel-dimension-thang. The next time our string cheese goes missing, I know who I'm gonna call...

WannabeVirginiaW: I'm hanging! I'm waiting! I'm whining...are we there yet??

Nance: HA! Well, your comment is pretty amusing as well...and of course, I feel your pain. You hang onto that faucet with everything you've got. You're not the first person who's sworn they won't move again until they DIE. Totally. Get. That.

Heather said...

I hate it when the clock is being funky and I have to confirm it some where else, it panics me only to find out I slept all of two hours!

Whine all you want, moving is awful and I hope to never do it again, but I probably will.

kathryn said...

Noelle/Mona: Hey you! I'm so glad to see you, sweetie! How's my favorite author? Thanks so much for the congrats...I'm relieved beyond words that this move is OVER!

Maureen@IslandRoar: I'm still trying to get used to the boys being past that little kid-stage where they can sleep through anything...I cannot imagine conversing with one through an alcohol-induced haze....(unless it's mine, of course). Thanks for letting me vent.

Lauren: Hey! Thank you for the carte blanche on expressing my sober side. However, we should all be careful what we wish for...opening that box could result in a whole new blog-ya just never know!

kathryn said...

Alan W. Davidson: Uh-huh....with the operative word there being "almost". You know I'm a-gonna milk this for all it's worth...

ValleyWriter: Hey, Sweets! You're too funny...could you imagine living in that house? Why not just post a huge billboard that says "LOOK AT ME!!!"

JD at I Do Things: That's what I thought....the kid ate the evidence. Somehow, the three pieces of string cheese is tied into the 33.3333 o'clock. See?

Wendy Blum said...

That 33:333 time frame could only happen it Kathrynville =). Faulty wiring seems like a plausible answer to me. Good luck with your unpacking. Otherwise you could have Kathrynville Olympics in your new home. Let me know how that works out for ya. LOL

Noelle said...

I'm good, just busier than ever before, rewrites SUCK. I don't get this being the most fun part of writing a freakin book! It sounds like you're going NUTS over there. I have to check this out kid, where exactly have you moved, if these crackpots are too nosey feel free to email me, remember THAT way of communicating goofy?
Love ya, Mone

kathryn said...

Selina Kingston: Thanks, sweetie. Truth is, that house photo is dangerously close to how I've felt lately...but it's passing now. Good thing, too...'cause the chaos was getting OLD.

Tinkerschnitzel: Oh, I'm so glad to hear I'm in such good company re: Excessive clock syndrome. I firmly believe you can never have too many clocks. I wonder if there's a therapy for this...

diane rene: THANK YOU! I will never tire of the validation. I swear I'll have nightmares of the sound that packing tape dispenser makes for the next YEAR.

kathryn said...

Heather: I swear...sometimes I suspect the clock manufacturers arrange for this stuff to happen in the wee hours of the morning. We need to explore this conspiracy theory...right?

Wendy Blum: Ha! How quickly I forget...Kathrynville Olympics must carry on, regardless of where I live! Thanks for the serious laugh, my friend!

Noelle/Mona: Email?? Sounds vaguely familiar....it's somewhere in between a text and a wall post, right? I'm on it!

Christiejolu said...

That is so weird the clock said that...I never heard of that before. Glad your move is almost over!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

This one made me laugh! I'm sorry you're so tired of packing, but, honestly, how much longer could it last??

(My clock sometimes decides to change the time by several minutes every month or so, so that when I wake up, I'm not sure if its six in the morning or not. Then, if I know the number of minutes its off and haven't changed it yet, I wake up on the weekends and try to calculate what time it is, because, as Auntie says, the first thing you want to do in the morning is math. Ugh.)

Anyway, hang in there! Just a few *hundred* more boxes and you're all done!

KT said...

so, you've moved?? Where to? And I was planning a trip to New York and going to visit you. =( ...btw there is one type of whine accepted in life and that is wine. So, continue to WINE away.

sage said...

I love that picture... Sounds like your coming along well... one can be at 96% complete in moving for years (I think there are still a box or two from six years ago waiting)

kathryn said...

Christiejolu: Yup...thankfully, the clock was one of those cheap little digital ones. I kept it right next to my computer...about 6" from the digital time readout on the bottom of my monitor!

Oddyoddyo13: Oh, you are too funny. I do that math thang all the time in my car. The clock there is set 8 minutes fast...which is stupid 'cause I know it's fast, so I allow for it! It's not so easy to fool yourself, right?

KT: Oh, I like the way you think! I shall "wine" on a regular basis...thanks for the support! I'm only a few miles from the last place...but this home has a much nicer vibe. You'll see...

kathryn said...

sage: Now that I'm talking about it, I'm finding that the majority of the population has one or two unpacked boxes hidden away. It seems to be a right of passage...and it makes me feel infinitely better.

Noelle said...

Kat,
I couldn't be happier to hear that the new house has a 'much nicer vibe', perhaps I'll have to come and check this out for myself...depends upon where, Westchester, Rochester?
I am all over New York pretty frequently these days, and not just in Manhattan. (I am hoping to go out to the Hamptons to see a couple of cousins, and posture with the swells for a few days. I need one great, oh so large break about now!)
Also the book tour will start for me in late July, early August. Perhaps then, if you let me know the name of a GOOD bookstore near you, I can see if the pubs will schedule a stop there for me. Then we can have dinner......that is, of course, IF I live through these damned ego slaying re-writes requested by a person who has never, not ever even published, nevermind having written a word that isn't in red pencil!
So much freakin fun. But the rest is done.
How is it going for you with Guru, you still burning them up?
TALK to me, Love ya, ~M

Gay Guy said...

Still waiting for the definition of "Kahootie."

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