On my way to the car this morning, I saw the strangest thing. Make that the strangest thing(s)….and I found the scene odd enough that I ran back inside to grab my camera…lest someone think I’m suffering from a Kathrynville moment.
Exhibit CAOTL: (AKA Crap All Over the Lawn)
Bill Gates: “Kathryn, I know Clinton said that the orange is supposed to bring out the blue in my eyes…but honestly, I think he’s just messing with you….and subsequently me. I do believe the white crap in question is the result of 2.825 years of dust accumulated inside a typical PC running on Windows Vista…which eventually crashed, at which time said PC owner took gleeful pleasure in flinging said dusty PC out the window, without bothering to remove the window screen, I might add. Can I take off my hat now?”
Ellen DeGeneres: (Mimics a Julia Childs-like snooty voice) “You’re more than a tad daft, Billie-Boy. It’s as plain as the extra-large teacup on my head that the white lawn crap is the result of an extra-large load of light lint-y laundry. Now, pass the tequila.”
Donald Trump: (Grumpily) “Kathryn, you’d promised me you’d burn this photo. I knew the second that Larry put it on my head that it would come back to bite me. The one time I decide to wear a pink tie and everyone decides that pink is now my color… Clearly, the crap on the front lawn is the remnants from a Playboy bunny pillow fight. It’s so obvious…
Another shot of the lawn:
President Obama: “I don’t know what everyone’s complaining about. I personally love my hat, Kathryn. I’ve been wanting one forever. As for the mess in your front yard, I’m imagining it’s from the ticker-tape parade we gave you when you moved into your new digs…I know you said you didn’t want a big fuss…but that’s what you always say. We know better than to take you seriously.”
Oprah Winfrey: “Doll, you’ve somehow managed to find the perfect gift for the gal who has everything! My guess for the white stuff is shredded coconut. I realize it’s rather unorthodox…but Jerry and I had a bet as to who could create the largest ice cream sundae. Mine had hot fudge, whipped cream and 26 pounds of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Jerry Seinfeld: “Mine had coconut and bananas. The coconut got away from me a little….”
Dr. Phil: “I LOVE this hat! (I hate this hat.) You put a lot of thought into my gift…didn’t you?? (You must really despise me…don’t you?) Is it snow? ‘Cause it looks like snow. (My head hurts…)”
Clinton Kelly: “Why is my hat so disheveled? Did you sit on it? ‘Cause it looks like someone sat on it. I’m gonna guess the white is either sea foam or a couple of swans who met their untimely demise whilst battling over this very hat.”
…And we wonder why we can’t stop sneezing…