Life has taken a significant lean towards chaotic in the last few weeks. Every attempt at posting, commenting, visiting or socializing online has been met with a degree of cosmic resistance which has left me frustrated and more than a little peeved.
Today, I catch up….So. Help. Me. God.
In honor of my return to the land of the internet-living, I’d like to discuss Venus and Mars….or X and Y…a-la men and women….and how they relate. Or…don’t. I’ve come to the realization that a good 50% of all movies would never be made if not for the frustrating, relentless disparity between the genders.
Woman: “I’d like to talk about my feelings.”
Man: “I’d rather die than talk about feelings. Anyone’s feelings. Just shoot me now.”
Woman: “But. I want to feel closer to you. If we talk about our feelings, it’ll make me want to be closer to you…in…ya know, other ways...”
Man: (Sits down. Crosses legs….focused and interested.) “What would you like to talk about??”
Although men and women may be looking at exactly the same thing, they somehow manage to interpret it quite differently.
A couple in their early twenties walks past an abandoned, run-down building.
Woman: (Thinks) “If you put a fresh coat of paint on that front door and some pretty curtains in the window, it wouldn’t look too bad.”
Man: (Thinks) “I wonder if I could hit that top right window with this rock…”
I can’t help but wonder if organized, televised sports would even exist if not for men. Would women ever voluntarily put on heavy shoulder pads, don protective head gear that is guaranteed to produce a serious case of helmet-hair and sniggle into a pair of skin-tight pants that will provide substantiated proof on national television that the Thighmaster you got for Christmas…
…now has a permanent home on the floor in the dining room with a bottle of Merlot and a bottle of Cabernet (respectively) stuffed into each end? I. Don’t. Think. So.
A long weekend is approaching.
Woman: “I’d love to go to the nursery and look at some flowers for the front. Maybe we can clean out the shed while we’re at it. What do you think?”
In preparation: Finishes three loads of laundry, Googles and prints out “Landscape Ideas on a Budget” for future reference.
Man: “What time is the game? Do we have enough snacks for the game?”
In preparation: Changes the batteries in the remote.
Now, I’m not saying that men and women don’t have anything in common. (Yes, I am.) I’m just saying that it’s hard to find the commonality:
Some Leisure Activities Women Like (In no particular order)
Talking about their relationships with friends
Some Leisure Activities Men Like
Watching sports on tv
Playing video games
Taking the car to be washed
Taking a nap
It seems that men and women have differing ways of viewing many aspects of life.
Does this make us catastrophically incompatible? Are men and women doomed to have effectively nothing in common? Other than…ya know…doing the horizontal hustle?
You tell me.