Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Life has taken a significant lean towards chaotic in the last few weeks. Every attempt at posting, commenting, visiting or socializing online has been met with a degree of cosmic resistance which has left me frustrated and more than a little peeved.

Today, I catch up….So. Help. Me. God.


In honor of my return to the land of the internet-living, I’d like to discuss Venus and Mars….or X and Y…a-la men and women….and how they relate. Or…don’t. I’ve come to the realization that a good 50% of all movies would never be made if not for the frustrating, relentless disparity between the genders.

Example #1:

Woman: “I’d like to talk about my feelings.”

Man: “I’d rather die than talk about feelings. Anyone’s feelings. Just shoot me now.”

Woman: “But. I want to feel closer to you. If we talk about our feelings, it’ll make me want to be closer to you…in…ya know, other ways...”

Man: (Sits down. Crosses legs….focused and interested.) “What would you like to talk about??”

Although men and women may be looking at exactly the same thing, they somehow manage to interpret it quite differently.

Example #2:

A couple in their early twenties walks past an abandoned, run-down building.

Woman: (Thinks) “If you put a fresh coat of paint on that front door and some pretty curtains in the window, it wouldn’t look too bad.”

Man: (Thinks) “I wonder if I could hit that top right window with this rock…”

I can’t help but wonder if organized, televised sports would even exist if not for men. Would women ever voluntarily put on heavy shoulder pads, don protective head gear that is guaranteed to produce a serious case of helmet-hair and sniggle into a pair of skin-tight pants that will provide substantiated proof on national television that the Thighmaster you got for Christmas…


…now has a permanent home on the floor in the dining room with a bottle of Merlot and a bottle of Cabernet (respectively) stuffed into each end? I. Don’t. Think. So.

Example #3:

A long weekend is approaching.

Woman: “I’d love to go to the nursery and look at some flowers for the front. Maybe we can clean out the shed while we’re at it. What do you think?”

In preparation: Finishes three loads of laundry, Googles and prints out “Landscape Ideas on a Budget” for future reference.

Man: “What time is the game? Do we have enough snacks for the game?”

In preparation: Changes the batteries in the remote.

Now, I’m not saying that men and women don’t have anything in common. (Yes, I am.) I’m just saying that it’s hard to find the commonality:

Some Leisure Activities Women Like (In no particular order)
Fashion
Decorating/Home Improvement
Talking about their relationships with friends
Dancing
Shopping

Some Leisure Activities Men Like
Watching tv
Watching sports on tv
Playing video games
Taking the car to be washed
Taking a nap


It seems that men and women have differing ways of viewing many aspects of life.

Does this make us catastrophically incompatible? Are men and women doomed to have effectively nothing in common? Other than…ya know…doing the horizontal hustle?

You tell me.

Spot said...

Ha! I think it's very true that men and women are fundamentally different in their thinking. But you don't really have to have a lot in common. Opposites attract, right? My hubby was a total redneck when I met him and I was a spoiled princess. Now he's a total redneck who spoils his princess. It all works out...

Funny post! I was giggling at your examples.

♥Spot

Carol said...

I get to be first!!! Yay me! Anyway, men and women don't even speak the same language! She thinks because they are together everyday, have regular sex, have met each other's friends, this is going somewhere. He remembers the regular sex and shows up. Relationship? Not gonna happen my friend!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Kathryn there are days I think the horizontal shuffle might be enough...

Selina Kingston said...

Thing is, it's the "horizontal hustle" (so love that!) that makes us believe that we do have so much in common. Until the fun of that dissipates a little and we're left with the reality that we are, oh so different! But the fact that as women, we are far superior, helps us to cope with said differences !!
Great post!

Wendy Blum said...

I agree! Men and women. Different as night and day. And love the word sniggle =) Is it related to niggly per chance?

HT said...

I agree! My hubby's downfall is his boat and the yard. He will go to extreme lengths and expense to look after those two. If the house inside should fall apart (except for all the electronic gizmos) he could not care less!

Krista said...

You have hit SO MANY NAILS on the head in this post. I don't even know where to start.

....

sort of like my dating life....

lol

I'm sure I'll think of SOMETHING clever to say...

after all, men can't be THAT hard to understand...

meh. I give up. lol

Gigi said...

Ah Kathryn - as you know Hubby and I have just gone through this whole futile exercise. For the moment he has fallen into line....but how long before we have the same conversation all over again? It's universal - and will never change! Being the superior beings - we find the way to win our battles.

Anonymous said...

Wow, your post doesn't even have its clever title, the content is clever enough for both.

And for the record I love playing video games AND dancing. Especially when the two are combined.

Fierce said...

Ha! I couldn't have said it better myself. Maybe we would have things we could do together if they created a video game that was a two-player game and required one player to shoot zombies while the other chose the perfect zombie-shooting outfits with accessories to match. Now THAT could bridge the divide!

:)
xoxo

Kristy said...

That's why it has worked out really well to have had a boy. He can go with Daddy to hockey games and Home Depot. Fabulous!

Tina said...

Read this earlier, couldn't comment til now. Vive la difference I say (except when they're annoying..)

Slamdunk said...

You had me laughing with that one. I wish I could respond with some "you are wrong" or "actually this is more accurate", but I fall silent.

The cartoon is a classic in perspective.

Lynn said...

My husband and I laugh about this a lot. This might be TMI, but we had to do a questionaire for a family/child study that we're participating in at a nearby university. The study is quite fun--we get to bring Adam in to play some fun games and things. But then there's the questionares. Anyway, we will forever laugh at #27. It had to do with satisfaction with the amount of--er--intimacy. 1-10.

Let's just say that our answers were diametrically different.

Erm. Yeah. It was at least good for a laugh, especially since we both agreed that we're probably not that unusual in that regard. That Mars-Venus thing.

This post cracked me up, as usual.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

I have that thighmaster for serious.

Yes, the difference in communication styles can be frustrating. We just need to understand each other's language or just say fuck it I am going shopping.

Bernadine said...

Hi Kath

Yeah. Men and woman are very different. They (men) go on what they see (like the body of a pretty woman for instants). We as woman on the other hand go more for our emotions (I know I do. Sometimes I think I'm to emotional). I listened to a thing they had on the radio yesterday. Men fall quicker and get over things quicker and woman tend to fall quicker and get over things slower. I just have to agree with that guy because it is so true.

It's just my insights in it. Nice post.

You should enjoy your Wednesday, Kathryn!! :)

Bernadine said...

Sorry it should be woman fall slower and tend to get over things slower. And I see I made a mistake with for instance. Yippy!! :)

Sorry it just past 7am. I guess I'm stil asleep. :)

carissajaded said...

Oh ya know, while it does make us entirely incompatible, I think it's an incompatibility that works. It puts a balance to things...

So I do improv. We always play this game we call "battle of the sexes," which your post made me think of. We get the audience to tell us an everyday activity that boys and girls have to do. Then the girls act out the way they think the boys would do it and vice versa. It's quite awesome. Anyway.. it kinda magnifies your points for me. Sometimes there isn't a point in over analysing it. We're different. We're probably never gonna see eye to eye.. but somehow theyve managed to make it work since the beginning of time so we're doing something right!

Runnergirl said...

Couldn't agree more - although thankfully I have a husband who is not at all interested in sports - and he spends the evenings on the computer while I'm the couch potato in front of the tv.

ValleyWriter said...

Ha ha ha - I LOVE the cartoon! That has to be one of the best examples of our differences I've ever seen ;-)

When Pigs Fly said...

I have to say I do enjoy a good bout of television watching and napping without discussing my or anyone else's feelings from time to time. I like to think that does not make me a man particularly since I counter that with ample sit downs with the girlfriends over coffee and carbs. I like to keep it all in balance.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I think the whole "opposites attract" explanation would have to do for now.

JennyMac said...

That cartoon is SO funny.

LOL.

KT said...

I have known that cartoon for the longest time. I think men and woman are VERY difference, but not THAT much. and we definitely don't have sex as the only thing in common.

Alicia said...

We're doomed! That's it. This topic is one of the favorites for my sister and me. Your little cartoon of what we each see in the mirror is so right on! Great post.

Jerry said...

I profoundly disagree with you. You have grossly stereotyped men -- and I will prove it to you.

.......
.......

I'm thinking.... I'll get back to you after the game.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Yep, What Jerry said...[goes off to check standings in hockey pool]

Hilarious post, Kathryn.

....Petty Witter said...

Laugh? I certainly did - until the tears poured down my face. Ever thought of stand-up comedy? I'm sure you'd be brilliant.

Lauren said...

HAHAHA! I don't even have that last one in common with men... But I suppose I do have that one conspicuous other thing in common as a result... I love that cartoon. I'm stealing it. Consider it stolen.

kathryn said...

Spot: HA! So, it's a typical redneck prince meets spoiled princess story? Don't you just love a happy fairy tale??

Carol: Oh, you are so right! It's amazing we can co-exist at all...talk about being from different planets...

Maureen@IslandRoar: Ya think so?? I mean...it's one hell of a dance and all....but can it stand the test of time? You get back to me on this, okay??

Heather said...

About the only thing hubby and I have in common is the fact that we love to laugh, it doesn't take much to crack us up!

I love that pic of the woman and man. So true!

kathryn said...

Selina Kingston: Oh, you said it sistah!! Well, I think "chemistry" is very different from "compatibility"...although, when you're doing the horizontal hustle, you're probably not giving it a lot of thought...

Wendy Blum: Oh, yeah. You know...when you're trying to wiggle into a pair of too-tight pants...and you...well, sniggle. I don't know WHY it's not in the dictionary!

HT: Ah. So, he's a landscape and boat luvah, eh? He sounds like a typical guy...motor vehicles and the lawn. I guess we don't hear too many guys at parties talking about that great new lamp they found...

kathryn said...

SMOOG: It just amazes me how different the genders are....right? I don't know that I'll ever understand 'em...and maybe vice-versa!

Gigi: Ah, yes....the battles. And then there's the war wounds....but then there's the making up, which can be yummy. Relationships are HARD...but hopefully we're lucky enough to find one worth fighting for!

Anonymous: Well thank you, kind sir and/or madam. You are either a well-rounded guy or the perfect woman. I'm gonna guess: the woman!

~:C:~ said...

It depends on which day you ask me. lol

kathryn said...

Fierce: Oh, you are (still) an absolute genius! You seriously need to market this gender-bridging video game...you'll make a million!

Kristy: Yes, this is true...as long as son is willing to visit the aisle at Home Depot that has the accessories...!

Tina: Uh-huh. I totally agree. Somehow, I'm sensing they feel the same way about us...

kathryn said...

Slamdunk: I know! Isn't it amazing, though? This cartoon captures just how hard we women are on ourselves...I've no idea if it's accurate from the male perspective...

Lynn: Okay...now you've got my curiosity peaked! Was hubby's number higher...or lower than yours?? C'mon...you started it!

WannabeVirginiaW: HA! And, of course it's the GUY who'll say "I'm going shopping", right??

kathryn said...

Bernadine: Wow...that radio broadcast sounds pretty darn accurate to me. I don't think anyone doubts that women are more sensitive than men, so it stands to reason that we'd fall harder...and be more guarded as well. Thanks for sharing that!

carissajaded: That improv sounds like a hoot. And yes, we're inherently different. Painfully, woefully different. I'm always amazed when a woman tells me that she has "so much in common" with a guy she's met. "Really?" I ask. "Check back w/me in ten years," I'm thinking.

Runnergirl: HA! Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with having separate interests. I mean...we don't want to do everything together, right??

kathryn said...

ValleyWriter: HA! I'm glad you appreciate that cartoon as much as I do. It still makes me chuckle!

When Pigs Fly (Jen!): Hey, balance is the name of the game. We must overlap sometime, or we're DOOMED...

Oddyoddyo13: I think you're right, sweetie. And you can't get more opposite than male and female!

kathryn said...

JennyMac: I agree! And it's more than a little scary as well....

KT: I think the key is balance. Both men & women need each other...but also need friends of the same gender so we have someone who truly understands how we work...ya know? I don't know that men totally get us.

Alicia: HA! Ya think we're DOOMED?? We may be...or at best, maybe we're just a little bit disaster-prone. I'll bet there's still hope!

kathryn said...

Jerry: HA! I KNEW IT! (Passes him the chips and dip) Can we switch over to House Hunters during halftime?

Alan W. Davidson: Oh, you guys...thank you for being such good sports. (And I really don't think you guys see that cartoon-y stuck-up, conceited caricature when you look in the mirror. You don't...right?)

...Petty Witter: Aw...thank you, sweetie! It was lots of fun to write...and it helps when you're prone to cracking yourself up!

kathryn said...

Lauren: HA! Doesn't matter one whit, sweetie....whether you're into the horizontal hustle or not. Steal away!
It's too freakin' funny!

Heather: Well, that's a fabulous foundation for a relationship, honey. If you can laugh together, you've got something very special!

~:C:~ I know what you mean! Some days, ya love 'em...and other days, it's "Get out of my WAY, dammit!"

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