Sunday, December 20, 2009


Friday night:

Kathryn: “Crap. It’s gonna snow. I’m tired. I don’t wanna go to the market AGAIN.”

Connor (12): “So, don’t go. We’ll survive…we’re men…we’re strong. We won’t report you to anyone for not feeding us. If I faint from hunger, just throw a pillow under my head. I’ll be fine.”

Clinton Kelly (My logical, un-stoppable IV…rolling his baby blues): “I wonder where they get this inherent drama...did you buy cheese?”

Taylor (17): “Did someone mention food? Is there anything to eat?”

Kathryn: (Sighs) “I’ll go tomorrow.”

Connor: “I thought you said it was gonna snow tomorrow. You don’t drive in the snow…everyone knows that. Even people who don’t know you know that.”

Kathryn: “I know that. I’ll go in the morning…before it starts. Plenty of time. Is anyone coming with me?”

Taylor: “No. I’ve got a sore throat.”

Connor: “No. I’m planning on sleeping till the afternoon. My resistance is low. I may be getting what he has.”

Clinton: “Can't go….I’ve got work.”

Kathryn: (Squints eyes) “Um. Clinton?” (Taps side of her head with pointer finger)

Clinton: “Riiiight. Dammit.”

(Late) Saturday morning:

Kathryn: “Well, they’re still predicting that stupid snow.”

Connor: “Why does it have to snow on the weekend? Why can’t it snow during school?”

Taylor: “I’m hungry…there’s nothing good to eat in this house.”

Clinton: “My throat’s feeling kinda sore…”

Kathryn: “Clinton. Let’s go.”

Clinton: “Crap.”

Driving…driving…driving. Tons of traffic…tons of people…everyone looks freakin’ miserable. No-one’s saying "excuse me" or "thank you"…no Salvation Army guy ringing the bell and wishing everyone Happy Holidays…no empty parking spots within a 5-mile radius of the store. Temperature reads 22…with the wind chill, it feels like about 7. Salvation-Army-guy’s not stupid…he’d probably like to get through one Christmas without nursing a serious case of frostbite.

Kathryn: “We’re just getting the basics…you know, milk…bread, eggs.”

Clinton: “…and...'Columbia'? Evidently, we’ve had a request for a foreign country. Is this Connor's handwriting on the list?”

Kathryn: (Takes in the chaotic scene before her: the endless lines of people…carts overflowing with items, aisles so jammed with customers they’re almost impassable. A look of alarm is dawning on her face) “WTF? We have no time to shop for a country! OH MY GOD! We need MILK! We need ONIONS! Do we have enough of those SWIFFER DUST-THINGIES? What if we have UNEXPECTED COMPANY and I NEED TO DUST? What if I want to make BREAD PUDDING? I don't know HOW to MAKE bread pudding! HOW do I know what's EVEN IN bread pudding?!? Do they sell COOK BOOKS?” (Begins to hyperventilate) “What if we LOSE POWER AGAIN? Remember sitting in the dark, trying to play cards with 2 sets of gloves on and eating a can of baked beans that we tried to heat up with one of those toe warmer packets? I don’t want to go back there again, Clinton! PLEASE don’t make me go back there!”

Clinton: “Calm down. We’ll split up…you get the Townhouse crackers and I’ll get the cheese and some firewood. Ask that nice checkout lady if she can spare a bag for you to breathe into so you don’t pass out. I’m afraid people will just step over you in this riot.”

45 minutes later…cart overflowing with every conceivably-possible imaginably-feasible household food item, we trek through the parking lot and load up the car.

Here’s a view from the end of my street:

It's a testament to bone-chilling, life-threatening, mind-numbing cold. It's not's freakin' scaring the crap out of me.

Upon arriving home, I call down da boys to help unload.

Kathryn: (to Connor) “I couldn’t get you your Ecuador, dear. Maybe I’ll buy you a country for Christmas.”

Connor: “What?” (Searches through bags.) “Didn’t they have my Columbia?”

Kathryn: “Well, sweetie. I’m sure its citizens feel that Columbia belongs to all the people…not just you. What happened to Ecuador?”

Connor: “What? I don’t know! I don’t care about Ecuador! We haven’t studied that yet. I just want my yogurt!”

Clinton: “Ohhhhh…..I think he meant ‘Columbo’.”

Jen said...

I feel for you but as I live in Minnesota I'm used to the scary weather. I'll I can say is always keep some canned goods and chocolate in the house.
I mentioned your blog in my last post!

Anonymous said...

Ugh. This sounds like what it's like around here weather wise. I haven't ventured out to go shopping yet. I should though. Christmas is almost here. XD

Unknown said...

Your posts make my day! I really needed a good laugh after just enduring our annual trip to the Hallmark store to get the kids their ornaments. I HATE to shop! Especially this time of year.

We (Southwestern PA) got about 6 inches of snow, but nothing like WV and NY are apparently getting (or have gotten). Batten down the hatches and keep warm! Spring is only 3 months away! :)

Áine said...

Your post had me literally laughing out loud because that often happens in my house as well :) merry crimbo

Tina said...

I still have this ahead of me. But now I'm drinking wine. Much more fun!

dailyseeking said...

This makes me glad I live in the South!

wendy said...

What I am interested in is those toe warmers. Really, those can be bought? First time seeing/hearing about toe warmers. Do they work? We get cold here in Ohio in winter and if these are a better purchase than snowman poop, I am game to buy.

Betsy said...

It's a good thing he didn't want Columbia, what with all the cocaine and drug lords and stuff....

I'm tackling the grocery shopping tomorrow. Gotta get the goods for my Christmas meatloaf. That's right! I'm having m-e-a-t-l-o-a-f for our Christmas meal. I know, I'm weird.

Anonymous said...

You think you've got it bad? Try living in Canada! We don't even get snow days unless nobody, and I mean NOBODY, not even the guys who have nothing to do and most especially the guys who clear the snow from the roads, can get out of their houses!! Then we can have a snow day! Until then, you better get a move on and buy yourself a country or else you're gonna starve.
lol @“Can't go….I’ve got work.” Clinton is such a joker!!!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

At least you've got other food. Poor Connor....didn't get his yogurt.

kathryn said...

Jen: So, basically you're saying I shouldn't be whining about the cold because you've got even scarier weather? I'll take that under consideration...but I seriously doubt it'll keep me from complaining.
I do, however, love the idea of canned goods and chocolate. What else do you really need?? Thanks again for the award, sweetie!

Gavin: So, you haven't started your shopping yet? Wow...and I thought that *I* was lagging behind! You've got me BEAT! Just bundle's cold outside!

Kimberly: I feel your pain....I wish I didn't have to go anywhere near a store this month! Yeah...3 months...minimum!!

Smileyfreak: Ha! Merry Crimbo, sweetie! I'm imagining there aren't too many males who enjoy buying food!

Tina: Oh, honey...I like your idea MUCH better. Enough wine and you won't even CARE what it's doing outside.

dailyseeking: Oh, yeah! I'd be happy to live in the south, too! Don't those icicles make you shiver...just looking at them??

Wendy Blum: Yes, they make 'em for toes (w/sticky stuff to hold 'em in your shoes) and also "hand warmers". When you rip open the plastic, they warm up...not unlike those Therma-care wraps they have for sore backs? I'd bought a big box of them at BJ's...maybe just Google "hand/toe warmers"??

kathryn said...

Gingerella: HA! SUCH a good point! Gotta keep the 12-year-olds away from the cocaine and drug lords! Hey, I love the fact that you're doing something "on the edge"...nothing wrong with thinking outside the box!

Fierce: HA! Well, that's what you GET for living in CANADA! See, I'm pretty sure it's warmer in Columbia!!

Oddyoddyo13: Yeah...poor, poor Connor. He likes ONE brand of yogurt that I can only find at ONE market. He'll get over it!

Lynn said...

LOVE those toe warmer dealies--I used to put 'em in my gloves. Although heating beans on them is a Someone needs to ask Santa for a camp stove for Christmas.

Unknown said...

That is hilarious. The Columbians appreciate your thoughtfulness, in leaving the country where it is (lol)

Darn it we have no snow here, in this part of Canada anyway. I want snow for Christmas. Lots of it. It is snowing everywhere around me except where I am sitting, heck it is even snowing in the computer! Darn!

Ron said...

OMG...I feel for you girl, because I KNOW how much you hate this cold and snow.

But, even in this weather you're brilliantly hysterical!!!

Remember sitting in the dark, trying to play cards with 2 sets of gloves on and eating a can of baked beans that we tried to heat up with one of those toe warmer packets?


HOLY COW...that photo of the icicles hanging off the rocks IS bone-chilling...brrrrrrrrrrrr!

Luckily, I went grocery shopping on Friday afternoon, and thank god, because Friday night the snow came down like a blizzard and didn't stop until Saturday evening. Today, the city looks like one big ICEBERG.

Anyhoo....I hope you're somewhere warm and cozy and did not lose power.

Wishing you dreams filled with warm tropical breezes and palm trees, while sipping a martini with Brad Pitt.


Alicia said...

I hope you stocked up on candles!

I think you're the only person I almost/kinda/feel-like I know on the east coast, except for of course my personal friends Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera who I watch every single I was very worried for you.

Maybe you should move to the west coast? Just a thought. We do have the internet here you know.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

This is the best post on a storm, EVER!! And I love Columbo yogurt...

Lou said...

Just left long comment but it didn't stick. Late news here just showed big bad weather hitting you - stay warm and dry and play a round of trivial pursuit for me.

Anonymous said...

I sure love the way you tell a story! Stay warm.

JP said...

One time we went up to my parents' house (about 3 hours away) for New Years...

Of course it snowed like 18". So we were stuck at my parents' house with a 6m old and guess what... we ran out of diapers. We drove about 1/2 a block before we found it impassable. We turned around and went back and waited... and waited... and waited... This would probably be a good time to mention that MrsRyan and my mom Do.Not.Get.Along.

We made due the best we could until the next day when we were able to get as far as the next town (about a 15min drive, my parents lived in BFE) to get supplies but we still couldn't get out to the highway to get home (actually the highway was at least 30 min away). Had to spend another night.

Next day MrsRyan was like "I don't care what conditions the roads are in... We're leaving." Okey dokey.

Yeah that was a fun time.

K.L.M. said...

WOW, quite the icy picture, makes me feel better even after our little snow squall last night(our 20cm turned into only 5,and nothing but rain in the forcast)

Tinkerschnitzel said...

I was wondering how you were going to make it through all that snow. Toe warmers are awesome! Also - the next time you need to heat up a can of beans without electricity, get you a can of sterno. Don't know if you have an ArmyNavy or military surplus/camping store up there, but they sell all that stuff there. :)

Heather said...

Connor cracks me up!

Sorry you had to shop in that mess.

Lauren said...

HA! I mean... Oh... that sucks? I'm not a fan of shopping to begin with. I really don't like it pre-holiday. So, YAY YOU! And your weather is looking considerably crappier than the weather up here. Just thought I would let you know. hehehe.

Momiji chan said...

can you give the thumb attachment for the snow? i love it its not alot but its cute

carissajaded said...

LOL, I was wondering from the beginning about the Colombia thing.. I was thinking surely he didn't want coffee...

I'm keepin my fingers crossed that you don't lose power again... the pic of your street looks down right treacherous... and no one wants to live off of canned beans!

kathryn said...

Allegria: A "camp stove"?? Couldn't I just go to a hotel instead? "Hello? Room service??"

WannabeVirginiaW: So, you still don't have ANY snow? Gee...I wish I could ship you some, sweetie. I'd be happy to give you ALL of it!

RON! Thank you for the moral support! I know it's a wonderful time of year for you snowbirds...but it's KILLING me, Ron! YES...I have to see those icicles every day when I drive out of my street. "Brrrr" is right! (PS: Can I exchange Brad Pitt for George Clooney? Oh, I don't have my receipt....)

kathryn said...

Alicia: I feel like I know you even better after hearing your voice on your video, sweetie! Yep...plenty of candles...some firewood...and a flashlight that winds up to light instead of batteries! I do believe YOUR coast is warmer than MY coast...I'd move there in a NY minute....but only if you put me UP!

Maureen@IslandRoar: Isn't Columbo the best?? Connor's hooked. Unfortunately, there's only 1 chain that sells it here. Evidently, it's more expensive than the others. My son has caviar taste...

Lou: We didn't get as much as Philly...or Boston, evidently. I do believe we've dodged a snow-bullet (for once!)...

thelocalsloveit: Thank you! I swear...I can feel the cold from the garage coming up through the floor here in the office. Cold feet=warm heart??

JP: Yikes! What'd you use for the baby instead of diapers? Oven mitts? Bounty paper towels? It's never fun when you CAN'T leave someplace. Options...we need options!

kathryn said...

K.L.M.: Oh...well, I'm glad you got just a little. A little is nice...ambiance without risking your life!

Tinkerschnitzel: Ahhhh...I'd forgotten about sterno! Great idea. Don't they sell that at the party stores, too? God, I hope we're not in for a winter of blackouts...I might not thaw out till spring.

Heather: Thanks, sweetie. I usually try hard to not get caught up in the panic. I should know better!

Lauren: I KNOW. So far, I think we've got you beat in snowfall totals. How wrong is this picture?? I'm sending you some mental-snow as we should see it soon!

saku chan: Sure! I'd bookmarked it in case someone wanted it. It's I'll post it over at your place as well. It's cute, right?

kathryn said...

carissajaded: It's so funny. Connor's got a mental block for Columbo. So far, we're blackout-free. Isn't it always the way? When you're prepared, it doesn't happen...

Moonrayvenne said...

SO far we have been lucky here near Detroit. We have about an inch. Maybe another inch by tomorrow. Then maybe some Thursday night & then some freezing rain & rain for Friday topped off with snow by evening. After Christmas, there is no need for snow anymore so it can all melt. Or else I am going into hibernation until at lesat April.
Kids need to be more clear with what they want. Hell, you could've brought home Robert Blake & then what would he do? Or get arrested trying to buy some reefer! Lucky you got back in time!

Bobby Allan said...

You poor thing. Like Collette,
we've been lucky and have just gotten a dusting.

I don't mind driving in the snow. It's the rain that bugs me!

Mixed Reflections said...

That ice is beautiful! But I wouldn't want to be stuck in the house with Husband, snowed in, after he ate those beans.

JD at I Do Things said...

OK, if you don't call yogurt "YOGURT," you're just asking for trouble. I know if I asked for some "Kraft," I'd probably get macaroni and cheese instead of my 2% milk sharp shredded cheddar. Hmmm. Maybe next time I WILL ask for "Kraft."

Anonymous said...


How cute is your kid? : p

Unknown said...

Holy moly. You're brave. Good thing you had Clinton there with you. LOL! I bet he's a HUGE help when you split up the shopping list. ;o)

KT said...

JA! making it before i said i would. i actually have time right now. YAY! actually, i'm not sure if that's a good thing. i hyperventilated just like you on packing day. don't you just love the sudden feeling especially so close to xmas? yeah, me neither. well, now hopefully you won't have to go to the market for a very long time. well, except to buy connor the yougurt. good luck with that one.

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