Friday, November 20, 2009

Popular

What is it with us human beings…and our desire to be popular? It seems that no matter what our gender…or how much money we have…or how crazy our lives may already be…there’s still this little niggling voice:

“Hey. Look at how many friends she has on Facebook! 527?! I don’t even think I know 527 people! How did she do that? Is she paying people to ‘befriend’ her? I could do that! I’ll just use the green I was gonna use to help Grandma pay for that hip replacement…but hey, she’ll understand. She’d want me to be happy. And popular.”

So, you work and you work and you work and your grandmother’s no longer speaking to you ‘cause you haven’t called her in like, a year...but hey! You’ve got 532 friends on Facebook! You're also broke...but who cares?? Way. To. Be. Popular.

Then you join Twitter….and you’re happy…’cause you don’t have much free time to tweet because you’ve got 532 walls to write on every stinkin’ day, so it’s okay that you’ve only got a few peeps following you.

But one day, Facebook goes down for maintenance and in a moment of sheer insanity, you click on an acquaintance’s Twitter page. “WHAT? She’s following 267 people? And she’s got 849 FOLLOWERS?? WTF??? I’m just as witty as SHE is! Dammit, dammit, dammit!” And so, you begin tweeting like crazy…strings of nonsensical words like “Drum Matthew Perry Canal Street Audi Vibrator Camping Hilton Marshmallow Cuisinart Chocolate Pajamas Snowblower Tearjerker Poptart Bananarama” in hopes of catching the attention of each and every spambot and computer generated search engine in the Twittersphere. You join the specialty groups (known as Twibes) and you tweet and tweet and tweet. And suddenly, you’ve got 900 followers and the tweets are going by so fast, it’s like the stock exchange ticker on cocaine…or that revved up scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. So, you tweet “That’s hilarious!” and “The weather here is crappy” several times a day and revel in your awesome Twitter-popularity….as you listen to your computer *twang!* and *chime!* every time Dick’s Sporting Goods is having a sale on fishing gear, or Gavin’s Cabins in Oregon is running a weekend getaway special, or any of the other 600 sales, ads or links that blow through your incredibly pop-u-lar Twitter timeline.

Then there’s blogging. Blogging’s not tweeting….or writing a quick note on someone’s “wall”….blogging is serious. Blogging is writing….and writing is taking a piece of yourself and putting it out there for everyone to see. The good, the bad, the funny, the sad…it’s intimidating…but you do it! You pour out your thoughts…you tweak and fiddle till it’s just right and you hit PUBLISH!


But, you have no comments. Now, you’d think you could count on your family for some support, but the fact that you’ve missed the last 3 family reunions and haven’t shown up at holidays 2 years in a row because you’re too busy wall-writing and tweeting may have lead some of your family members to think you’re actually DEAD.

One day, you happen upon another blog and that’s the day your whole world crashes. You realize that HER blog has FOLLOWERS and STATS and ADS and STUMBLES and ENTRECARDS and KIMBLES and VISITORS and SUBSCRIBERS and FEEDS and LINKS and ARCHIVES and AWARDS!!!!!

And that’s when you feel the walls closing in on you…and you hear the blood rushing in your ears and you’re vaguely aware of someone screaming, “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” and you realize to your horror that the sound is coming from YOU.

That’s when you come to understand what’s really important. Not the tweets…not the walls….not the followers….not your scrawls…

What REALLY matters.......is having good hair. ‘Cause when you’re having a good hair day, everything else just somehow falls into place. Don't you think??

What?? You were expecting something else? Some magical, proverbial, all-encompassing, powerfully prophetic pearly words of wisdom?

From me?

Seriously??

(Hey, look! I’m almost at 600…c’mon 600! Momma needs a few more followers……)

Gavin said...

Omg....this was hilarious. XD I know so many people who think being popular is like the thing to do and before they die they will be number one. XD Me...sure it's nice to have a few peeps that appreciate you...but I don't need hundreds or even thousands. I'd still blog even if no one commented and I had no followers because I'm just awesome like that. XD

WannabeVirginia W. said...

that was awesome! you are so right with the facebook thing and writing on the wall! WTF?... My gram told me NOT to write on the wall or else!! I blog because I need an outlet to vent funny though having said that, I still find that I am censoring some stuff. Hmmmm, kind of defeats the purpose!

Mark Price said...

OK I had my giggle for the day! Wait...(checkin my hair)...crap! Oh wait I still have a chance with shoes...(steel toed workboots)...double crap!(cause it's a pair see?) You make me laugh Kathryn. I do have a facebook thing though. I hesitated as long as I could because I didn't want to be a 12 yr old girl, but really, everyones on facebook. I'm never there but my stupid-phone lets me know everytime something gets on my wall or whatever and everytime someone is all hey, be my friend! I used to just click ok...not so much now that I had to un-friend some people. Yep thats embarrassing! I like it when people have a ton of blog followers, I get to go and check out the hot ones based on their tiny pictures....LMAO! Hey is it me or are there a lot of bloggers with cats? Sorry for the long comment I havent written in a few days.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

You're so right; "friends," especially the Facebook variety,come and go. But Good Hair...now that stays with you until at least menopause.

Heather said...

On Myspace I started playing those games and you had to have a lot of friends. I opened my page one day and deleted all but my real friends and family. I made only one great friend, out of hundreds of so-called friends.

I started to do the same thing on Facebook, quickly remedied that.

I am so behind the times..I don't text, tweet or even have my plain jane phone hooked to the internet.

Good hair..I want it back!

~:C:~ said...

LOL - I would double dip if I could, but apparently, you can only follow once. Sorry. My bad.

So... *clears throat* Am I the only one here who actually weeds out her online entourage? Because as soon as I hit the triple digits on Facebook, I realize that there's no way in hell I have that many friends, and I delete the ones I haven't talked to since the Cretaceous era.

dailyseeking said...

This was so funny! I can't believe you were picking up on my inner vibes. You are so kind to write on my blog and yes I only have 4 followers. I need the award for the least amount of followers. In fact, I was thinking of starting a promotion like NPR does to incorporate people to join! Thanks for all of your feedback!

book*addict said...

I'm not of a number person (only on my blog actually). I'm constantly deleting friends on FB, because seriously I don't want to loser from high school looking at pictures of my daughter. And on twitter I have set on private so I don't have that many people following, like 11 , I think.
BUT, as for blogging. I do wish I had more followers. But it's more of a reward because if I have more followers and if people comment I feel like my writing has to be somewhat good for someone to take the time to read it and then comment. I wish there were like 10 of you and 10 of Penny. That way I'd have 20 comments on my posts FOR SURE. jajajaja
BTW, I totally agree with the good hair and the good day correlation. So, true. Depression can be solved this way.

Smileyfreak said...

Thanks for that Kathryn it was hilarious :) Of course having good hair is the problem solver of all problams needing to be solved,what else could it be :) lol If I wasn't following you already I would but I am so I can't *does it make sense??....I dunno :)* Follow Kathryn people,she is one of the coolest bloggers out there! :)

f8hasit said...

How is it that you always have a 'good hair' day the day you scheduled to have it cut? And if you cancel the appointment, the next day you go back to ick hair. But if you go...you still end up with fresh cut ick hair.

I've never been able to figure that out. Words, Oh wise one?
:-)

Great post!

Angelina said...

What about the phone, does anyone use it to talk on anymore? Or when you accidentally bump into a friend, first thing goes through my mind...what was on her wall last, and did I respond?

Kimberly said...

I don't Twitter or Facebook. No desire. Maybe that is why I have no friends. :) I've been asked to follow others ... pass. Hmmm, maybe that's why I have no friends. :)

And so far only 4 followers on my blog. Some days no one comments. Sigh. But good hair does somehow seem to get me through.

Thanks for the chuckle!

JD at I Do Things said...

HA!

I honestly don't worry about FB or Twitter friends (TWIBES? What's that? Why didn't I know about TWIBES?!) but I do obsess over my blog subscribers -- mainly because I don't even know how many I have. Is it 300? 100? 4,000? I NEED TO KNOW!

Wendy Blum said...

You're too funny =) When I began my blog, it was great to even be writing again. When I got my first follower it was even better. I have 8 followers as of right now. That's fine by me =) Small groups have always been easier for me to manage. It's not about being popular. For me it's nice to have a safe and fun outlet for my feelings. Too bad that not everyone sees it this way...

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Oh yeah Kathryn, a good hair day does fix everything. *affectionately rolls eyes*

Jan said...

You've got it sister!

Spot said...

You're only saying all that because you are popular. And have good hair. Whatev. I don't even care.

I don't tweet. I tried it once and all these porn stars started following me and then there was that stalking incident and *shudders* it was just embarrassing. Shut up! So what if I was the one doing the stalking...sorry.

Oh my stars! Thanks for the mad bout of giggling.
♥Spot

Gingerella said...

You always hit the nail on the head, lol. I only joined Facebook so I could take the funny quizzes my Husband always takes. I'm friends with some family, and got back in touch with some old high school friends, but gathering a "following" on there just doesn't interest me. And I refuse to join Twitter. Re-Fuse. ;)

But the blogging....ahhhh. What's frustrating to me is seeing blogs where people beg for comments, but never reply to them. Or beg for followers but never read your blog. Or they do follow you, but never comment.....there's this whole blog ettiquete thing that few seem to follow. Part of the fun of blogging for me is the interaction in the comments! Hmm, I may have to do my own comment blog rant like BlackLOg did! :) Have a great weekend!

Dreamfarm Girl said...

You snapped a picture of my soul on that one! It's ridiculous how much we want followers and friends. And now twibes?? I started out blogging thinking how much I wanted to get back into writing, but very quickly fell into this ridiculous competitive trap wanting followers (just one more, pretty please!). Each new one makes me elated. Even though (or maybe because) my own family won't follow me (except one great daughter who's getting a little something extra for Christmas!). Sadly, I pretty much never have a good hair day, having hair that refused to grow up, so there's no consolation there.

I'm sure you'll break 600 any minute now. YOU GO!!

ValleyWriter said...

Alas, I do not have many followers nor many good hair days... No one seems to get the humor in never revealing "Mr. ValleyWriter's" identity. (You know - you always see his hands or his back - but never his face. He's like Mr. Big! Of course, it takes a little wind out of my sails when I have to explain that...) I never win any big cooking contests.

But damn it, I can bake. And the results of that make me happy ;-) (And so does your blog!)

Clandestiny said...

I gave up on having a good hair day ever again several years ago! I wash it, occassionally drag a brush through it, and usually just twist it up in a messy bun kind of thing. So if the blogs and stuff don't count and good hair does but I have neither...holy smokes! I'm losing in the game of Life, aren't I???? Well damn. Guess I'll go have another piece of chocolate lol

Margarete said...

You, my dear, are always in my head. So very witty, so very clever, so very, very good at getting it right!

Please insure your fingers as they are priceless (she giggled)...

Tina said...

This is a great post Kathryn! There are two awards waiting for you at my place. Pop on over..

English Rose said...

So clever as always! You know when you read stuff and you laugh and nod and make that little noise like "Ahahh!" to show that you can really realte to something, even though no one else is in the room to see your small display of excitement? I just did that

x

Fierce said...

Kathryn, you are truly wise! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, should EVER underestimate the power...
of a good hair day!
This was hilarious, you absolutely made my day!
xoxo
P.S there's some fun stuff over at mine... Enjoy!

Fierce said...

P.P.S 24916D85 if you ever wanna chat, ping me!

KellyGrrl said...

that was a great post... Too perfect! haha

serendipitous said...

This is so true and you ended it perfectly. I definitely was not expecting the good hair day, but it sure is true! Thanks for the laugh. :) 600 followers, huh? I'm hoping to get to 10 soon. ;)

Lily Johnson said...

It was as serios as it was funny. I didnt start blogging because i wanted to have a Kazilion followers. I just wanted to write. To say what i feel. A little followership aint bad but it doesnt have to give one a cardiac arrest.

Lauren said...

Ha! And by the way, who the hell is this chick you're competing with? What! You have nearly 600 followers! HOLY SHIT! -runs off to advertise my blog in order to compete with Kathryn-

Alicia said...

Way to bait for followers...lol. I have to keep reminding myself that I blog for myself, not for comments or followers. But damn it's so nice to have and read comments and to see your follower list growing isn't it?

Collette said...

This was wonderful! I always enjoy reading your posts. And I always have to read ALL the comments, too. I'm just ocd about it, I guess.
I have fb, twitter & myspace but don't really spend much time on them as I did when I started them. Now, I just like to find time to blog when I can & read great blogs, too! :)

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

I can't even go there. I'm pretty sure I am the slowest blogger, emailer, texter, tweeter, etc., it would truly take half of my year to try and keep up with all that stuff. (FB is just an ELT for my long lost friends.)

I will worry about my hair and THAT IS ALL.

As for popular? Here's the dealio: Were you born in the United States? Are you over 35? If you've answered YES to both of these questions then please prepare to run for president. Seriously, I feel a maverick-y, rogue-y campaign coming on and I know you could ace her. You, Kathryn, could rule the world. How's that for popular?

Jen said...

Love it!!! You are too funny. I just got up a post about unfriending. This is the opposite of your post. Good hair is truly important. So sad how I never seem to make it happen.
Tomorrow I will call you so we can figure out how to corner the blogosphere!

snoble24 said...

lol yes some people are a little popular crazy. i can be a little like that at times.but im sure everyone else can be to

Kathryn said...

Gavin: Yes, you are awesome! And I LOVE reading your posts! What's amazing to me is that I feel like we're polar-opposites on our subjects...don't you agree??

WannabeVirginiaW: I know, sweetie. I think we all censor to a degree...it happens when you get concerned about turning ppl off. They say with writing that you need to "know your audience"...but how does one really do that and appeal to all??

Mark Price: Always good to hear from you! Well, I'm on FB AND Twitter...and FAR from uber-popular. I'm horrible at keeping up w/FB, mainly 'cause it keeps freezing up on me and I've had to re-friend several members of my family more than once. Wasn't once enough? Not. Cool. I'm better w/Twitter...'cause how much can you really say in 140 characters??

Maureen@IslandRoar: HA! Maureen! You're KILLING me! "Good hair stays with you till at least menopause"! I think I'll get that FRAMED!

Heather: Well, good for you (on the cleaning house on MySpace and FB)! I haven't fallen into the trap of "playing" anything on FB, mainly because it doesn't like laptop. Or laptop doesn't like FB...not sure which. Good hair RULES!

Kathryn said...

~:C:~ Have I mentioned to you how much I looooove typing your ID name? And how much I loooove that you're BACK? And you're healthy? Hmmmmm??
Yeah, no double-dipping. I wonder if I can follow myself? I think not. See, I let the flwgrs rise on Twitter, unless I have to stare at something totally inappropriate (which I have...oh, geez...now Mark's gonna be asking questions!), but don't ppl need your permission for FB? I'D befriend you on FB! Of course, I'm never THERE...does that mean I'd hit the Cretaceous era sooner rather than later??

dailyseeking: Aw, honey. Have you ANY IDEA how many posts I wrote with no comments whatsoever?? I really believe that commenting is the key...and following. Ppl should reciprocate. I can't tell you how long I waited to be "discovered". It doesn't work that way!

book*addict: YES. See? The pharmaceutical companies will have us believe that there's a pill to solve depression...but the real truth lies in the HAIR PRODUCTS. As for comments, they will come...you'll see. Soon enough, you'll be marveling how hard it is to keep up with 'em!

smileyfreak: Aw, thank you, sweetie! Have you any idea how many blogs I've commented on where I was right behind you? You keep stealing my lines!!

f8hasit: Ah. The mystery that is the ick versus good hair day. Alas...I have no answer for this, grasshopper. BUT. I DO know that a paper clip can be used in a pinch to hold back your hair. (Thanks to ~:C:~)

Kathryn said...

Angelina: HA! No...I don't believe anyone actually uses the phone to SPEAK. Just to TEXT. So? DID you respond?

Kimberly: As I've said before, it takes a while to build up a following. Especially true when blogging, 'cause it's more intricate...the comments and posts and actual thoughts! Twitter's quick and painless....FB and my computer don't get along.

JD at I Do Things: Dear People at Wordpress: Please release JD's peeps numbers. We're guessing it's in the THOUSANDS. WHY won't you tell? Geez...what are you DOING with those numbers, anyway???

Wendy Blum: I'm constantly amazed by ppl with huge numbers on these social networks. I just don't get how they've managed it when I don't even KNOW that many people! Sometimes I care...but I don't see how you can keep it ALL going at once and still live a life!

Oddyoddyo13: Uh-huh....I know that you secretly totally agree completely with everything I've said. I just know it.

Jan: I KNOW...right?!? Maybe your post was stuck in the back of my mind when I thought about good hair!

chickasauras_rex said...

Love it. I delete friends on Facebook regularly too, mostly people who I haven't talked to in ages, but sometimes just to see if they will notice and say something to me about it, cos I find that hilarious. Then I can give them a hard time about being all bummed out about not being my friend on facebook and call them a stalker and stuff. Good times.

Kathryn said...

Spot: First of all, 2 points for the Dr. Seuss rhyme at the beginning of your comment. Kudos. And I've only gotten a lot of flwgrs since BoN...I'm not pop-u-lar anywhere else! Oh, the PORN stars on Twitter! I had one that was SO GRAPHIC...it takes a LOT to make me block someone, but c'mon!!

Gingerella: I know what you're saying. There IS an unspoken blog etiquette. You shud never expect to get more than you give. I looove our "group" of blogbuds...I think everyone's intertwined...and I get such a kick out of visiting others and seeing the same buds...!

Dreamfarm Girl: You would not BELIEVE how many ppl have told me that their fam does not read them. What IS that about? Da boys don't even want to read when it's about THEM...it's like pulling teeth. THEN they laugh when I FORCE 'em in front of the computer. Grrrr.

Jen said...

Well, I thought I was getting popular because I have 21 followers. Then I saw your 597 and realized I'm at the geek table.

Kathryn said...

ValleyWriter: I LOVE that Mr. ValleyWriter's identity is kept under "Mr Big" wraps! And I love that you love visiting ME. Now, I'm off to visit YOU.

Clandestiny: Oh, nooooo! Just 'cause YOU say you don't have good hair...I'm not buying it. I think you're just ignoring your hair...'cause you're not a hair kinda gal. Chocolate is good...and a cocktail...definitely a cocktail!

MARGARETE!!! HEY!! (Too much??) I'm just so damned happy to SEE you!! HERE!! Thank you, sweetie...this is high praise from a real live AUTHOR. And you took time out of your busy book signings to check in...I think I'm hearing Sephora calling us. No, on second thought, I think it's the cocktails that are calling us!
xoxo

Tina: Why, thank you m'dear! Two, you say? Then I'm double-lucky today! I'm heading to your place now.

Mahsa said...

LOL! So badly agree that people like to get "fake" popularity by having like 666 freinds on facebook and so on ;). I think it is OK for teenagers to be so but for others I doubt it ;).
great post, loved it as always.:D

Elfie said...

Good hair is always the best.
It just makes everything else look good.
You would think it would make your face look worse in comparison, but somehow it gives it a glow as well.
I can't wait for my hair cut on Thursday.

lifelove'n'wine said...

Haha, it's so true about the hair thing. I think Clinton would agree too.

You just might get a few more followers...I gave you an award today!:)

Picture Imperfect said...

LMAO!!! No really... L.M.A.O.

You rock sista. So glad I'm having a good hair day today...

xoxo

Smoog

Picture Imperfect said...

ps - if I could follow you twice, I would! LOL

jen said...

haahahhahaha this is great, totally made my morning! Thanks!

jmberrygirl said...

Ah, yes. Hair! I tried Da Magic. It was amazing. If only I had that much time every single day! (No, I did not waste da magic on work. I went on a date. With my husband and a pair of pink, high-heel boots and my favorite jeans. You know the kind...)

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

Sometimes I think I'm the biggest loser (not because I'm fat) becuase I don't use Myspace or Facebook and I wouldn't know how to Tweet if it came and pecked me in the face. But I am pissed that not even my family leaves me comments on my blog. I'll even accept comments that I suck. ;)

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

BTW...I have great hair today. Finally.

Kathryn said...

English Rose: Aw! And I'm sitting here...nodding away and saying, "Uh huh....uh huh" with only the dog for company!

Fierce: Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I loved writing it as well...sometimes I can crack myself up. I have NO IDEA what a "ping" is!
Should I know this??

KellyGrrl: Ha! Glad you liked it!

serendipitous: I was at ten....and at 15 flwgrs...for a long time! You'll get there, sweetie.

Lily Johnson: Very true! But blogging has a whole different set of "traits" that go along with it. I think blogging's the most personal of the bunch. Don't you?

Lauren: HA! It's never ONE person that sets me off....I'll just happen on someone and it blows my mind....'cause they're EVERYWHERE! And remember: Blog of Note pushed me up to the heavens!

Alicia: Oh, yes....I remember doing a post early on entitled "Talking to Myself". I knew it wasn't *quite* accurate, but it was CLOSE. Yes, we DO blog for ourselves...and if others choose to listen in, that's even better.

Collette: Thank you! I feel the same as you. Twitter I can usually handle, 'cause it's so fast...but I mainly like my blogbuds. Much more intimate, I think.

Cynica Sarcastamos: HA! Do you realize what a *dangerous* position the world would be in with ME at the helm?? But, we'd all have the BEST hair products money could buy!!

Jen: I just visited your place! We must be somehow related! That's the second time I think we've done this...

snoble24: Yes, sometimes ya can't help but to get swept up in the craze.....!

Kathryn said...

chickasauras_rex: HA!So, you use these social networking sites for your own twisted humor??? I LOVE IT!

Jen: NO! Not the geek table! You're a blogbud...we're ALL blogbuds. Don't forget, Blog of Note sent my numbers soaring...I am a very, very lucky girl. You shud see my #'s over on FB or twitter!

Mahsa: Thank you! Yeah, you'd think as we age, we'd be more mature about this stuff. I'd just noticed that Twitter now has "lists"...something new to try and aspire to...pulease.

Elfie: It's so true....there's nothin' better than a good hair day. I'll sometimes find someplace extra to go just because my hair looks good that day!

lifelove'n'wine: I saw, sweetie! And thank you again! It shudn't matter, but I'm SO CLOSE to 600...make it EVEN, already!!

Smoog: HA! Yep...I'm lovin' the hair, sista. And yeah...someone else mentioned the inflexibility of Blogger allowing us to "double-dip"...dammit.

jen: You're very welcome! Happy to make you smile!

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt: Well, YAY on the great hair today! And BOO to fam that don't leave comments. Although, I will tell you that most bloggers say the same thing. Out of my whole fam, I finally convinced 1 sister to subscribe (via email)...but I had to BEG for 2 years!

Ron said...

Hello Dearest Kathryn!

Ok...I wanted to stop back later this evening to check out your post.

It's freakin' FAAAABULOUS because you combined both humor and truth in your words. And let me tell ya...there is a lot of TRUTH in this post.

When I first started blogging it was all about links, readers, stats, entrecards, awards, you name it. But, what blogging really comes down to is ENJOYMENT and FUN!

(and meeting great people)

Such as yourself!

Brava, my NY friend! You nailed it!

xoxoxoxoxoxoo

Kiwi said...

I have... five followers. Granted, I only write in the summer months, and usually only a post a month, so... err, yeah. Not worth it. I swear, some day, when I'm out of school, I'll write more

Sports15 said...

Ha it is funny that social media is just another extension of our "high school selves." Have to love it though!

Kathryn said...

Kiwi: You've got plenty of time, sweetie. And number don't mean anything, really....except for that blasted 599 that won't flip to 600!! (Your profile isn't available, so I can't link back to your place to say hello...fyi)

Sports15: You are SO RIGHT! It just never seems to end! They figure out how to tap into our insecure HS selves....

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