Monday, November 2, 2009

Boo Day Aftermath

This morning was particularly difficult for Connor (age 12) to get out of bed.

Me: “Connor. It’s time to get up.”

Connor: (Muffled voice from deep under mounds of covers) “Can’t. Too. Tired.”

Me: “Okay.”

2 minutes pass.

Me: “Connor, it’s time to get up.”

C: (Groans) “Can’t. Raining….sore throat…psoriasis...restless leg syndrome…need to sleeeeeep…”

Me: (Sighs) “Uh-huh. Get up, or I’m fixing you Clinton’s favorite unflavored Rice Toasties with absolutely nothing exciting floating on top for breakfast. In three….two….one…”

(Clinton Kelly, my IV, has on several occasions mocked my conscious decision to purchase sugar-coma-induced cereal choices for da boys...and has often voiced the opinion that they could conceivably perform even better academically if they didn’t look like they were ready to spontaneously combust each and every morning. Personally, I think he’s exaggerating…just a tad.)

Connor: (Voice still muffled) “Ha ha. There’s no such thing as Rice Toasties…and even if there was, no-one would buy it.”

Clinton: “Huh. I could swear I saw an ad for them recently. (Rolls eyes) I'm sure they were pulled off the shelves for lack of sales. Should we pick up one end of the mattress and dump him out?”

Me: “My hero…but, I think not. I've heard Child Servcies frowns on that sort of thing. Besides…LOOK….he’s getting UP! GO! GO! GO! GET THE LUCKY CHARMS READY!”

Clinton: “Oh, God. Do we HAVE to? That cereal looks disgusting. All those colors…in one bowl…it’s like that munchkin-character threw up a rainbow or something…”

Me: “It’s a leprechaun…and they’re charms, Clinton. It’s the BEST part of the cereal. Want to try?”

Clinton: (Fake gags)

Me: “Okay, but he can’t have a French omelet for breakfast every morning, ya know. And this cereal is probably healthier than all those eggs, since Luckies has 12 vitamins and iron and an exciting new ‘hourglass’ marshmallow charm.”

Clinton: (Mock-gags a second time)

Me: “Whatever. Isn’t it exhausting being perfect all the time?”

Clinton: “I never said I was perfect. Just because I’m able to recognize a cereal that contains more chemicals than a bottle of drain cleaner has nothing to do with being perfect. I might go so far as to say it's simple common sense...but I'll keep that thought to myself. You do whatever you want..” (Hands on hips, he fixes me with penetrating-blue stare…filled with indignation and more than a little attitude, especially unwelcome before 7am.)

Me: (Tries to stare him down with my ordinary…though quite nicely-shaped chocolate-colored eyes…unsuccessfully, I might add) “WHAT? (Grabs cereal box) Look. WHOLE GRAIN OATS. Marshmallows (sugar, modified corn starch, corn syrup, dextrose, gelatin, calcium carbonate, yellows 5&6, blue 1, red 40, artificial flavor), sugar, Oat flour, corn syrup, corn starch, salt, trisodium phosphate, color added, artificlal flavor…."

Clinton: “Okay. How many times did you mention ‘sugar’ in that list? And, what's with the colors with the numbers after them? That can't possibly be healthy...”

Me: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It's probably just to differentiate between...say a cornflower blue and a midnight blue....or a sunshine yellow and a sickly yellow. Wait...
Oh, look. Connor has entered the room. He's shuffling over to the table, where his bowl of cereal---”

Clinton: “---Chemicals...his bowl of chemicals. Let’s call a spade a spade.”

Me: “Clinton! Let the kid eat his chemicals cereal in peace, for heaven’s sake!”

Connor: “Is tomorrow Tuesday?”

Me: “Yes, dear.”


Connor: "It's Election Day? Schools are closed?"

Me: "Yes, dear."

Connor: “You want to know what I think?? The only good thing about morning is sleeping through it.”

Clinton: “Oh…he is so your son.”

Lauren said...

I agree with your son about morning! Particularly this one! Blah! If it takes chemicals, I mean sugar, to cross Hell every morning give me my chemicals! I meant sugar! I almost failed chemistry so trisodium phosphate means nothing to me! HA! I defy your IV.

English Rose said...

Ha I love breakfast cereals! Best part of my morning. Although I was surprised to find that Coco Pops and Special K have the same amount of additives?! x

Kensi said...

I can totally relate!

Heather said...

I dump the cereal in a plastic tub, mix together and throw away the boxes. I'm too scared to look at the ingredients!

Gillian said...

Ain't that the truth!

book*addict said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
book*addict said...

To be honest, I'm so with Connor on this one. I would love to be in bed right now. I am SO tired, and I honestly have no idea why. It took all my concentration to read your post, and it's de-de-definitely not because it was boring, but because I can't....keep....my...eyes....
ZZZzzzzZZZZzzzzzzZZZZzzzzz

B-ster said...

I can never give up my cereal! I get the evil eye from my hubby when some days I am just too tired, so I eat a bowl of cereal for supper. He is all about not setting that example for the kids, but hey, as least I get them real food!

snoble24 said...

lol sounds like a nice morning.sounds like alot of kids. oh well

snoble24 said...

lol sounds like a nice morning.sounds like alot of kids. oh well

BlackLOG said...

At least you got a conversion out of Conner, I get nothing out of Mrs B until at least 5 minutes after her first cup of tea. And that is normally a feeble refrain 'more Tea....'

Lucky Charms - I had the misfortune to try them while I was Skiing in Vail one year. I'm sure it accounted for a crash filled day, as a sugar rush sent me cackling down the mountain like the witch who managed to get Hansel and Greta into a microwave….

Not sure if you get Golden Nuggets – these were my favorites as a child until one day they vanished from the shelves, no warning, just one day they were gone. I hankered after their return and mentioned them in many conversations with friends. Then a couple of years ago Golden Nuggets made a surprise returned. I purchased a packet and almost got a speeding ticket on my way home. I poured out a generous portion, I poured in the milk. I may have even salivated a little bit as I dipped in the spoon. That mouthful was very enlightening, it led me to discover childhood memories are best left wonderfully untarnished, not a soggy sugary sad disappointment. I hope Golden Nuggets vanish again soon so that can go back to hankering after their memory….

Insanity said...

I don't eat cereal for breakfast. xD But I have tried a lot of the sugar junk and it's pretty good. Stays with me no longer then half hour though. And when the sugar rush fades, I tend to get a bit snappy so I avoid the stuff.

An Open Heart said...

I love the back and forth dialogue you give us......quite entertaining!

Love to visit here, I hope the morning finished off swimmingly!


S

Spot said...

My personal favorite is Count Chocula. Chocolate & marshmallow goodness plus a scary (okay, not so scary) vampire on the front. What more could you ask for?

Why are schools closed there for election day?? Those kids can't vote?!

♥Spot

Sara said...

Mmmm... Lucky Charms... Sadly, I don't buy them anymore but only because the kids eat the marshmallows and leave the rest. I told them I won't buy it again until they eat all of it. :)

My middle son, who usually wants sugar on his sugar, is actually picking Kix. Still sugared but less at least. I'll take it.

JD at I Do Things said...

YAY! I love Lucky Charms. They make me so happy. All those colors and shapes. And chemicals! Delicious, nutritious chemicals. How I love them.

Tell Clinton to keep his fancy omelets to himself. Growing boys NEED chemicals.

Straight Guy said...

This bad dad keeps a separate stash of sugar cereal, my kids are only allowed on the weekends, but after hours, it's my guilty pleasure.

Sometimes, I'll think about the rewards of a well-cooked meal... then I realize that cereal can be ready in 10 seconds.

carissajaded said...

AMEN! I can't get through a day without at least one dose of fake-nourishment. It doesn't matter how I get it, I just must have it.

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

Love the back and forth. I'd eat frosted covered cocoa bombs everyday if I could....

Smileyfreak said...

Great post! That cereal sounds yum :)

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

FUN, fun post, Kathryn!
But I am sorely disappointed that you would allow Clinton to so blatantly dis my Lucky Charms.
I'll have him know that although I have a permanent restraining order in place - and have successfully completed rehab - I was in an exclusive r-ship with LU CHA until I was about 20...
(or was it 30?... oh well. No matter. The damage is done... and as sick as it is, I know that there will never be another to satisfy me so completely.)

Gingerella said...

I haven't had cereal for years, but now I'm craving Coco Krispies. Damn. ;)

Wendy Blum said...

I love Lucky Charms! It's the chemicals that make it so tasty And I SWEAR the preservatives in it is what makes me look 22 instead of my real age of 38 (or so I've been told I look 22). I'm gonna stay young looking like Dick Clark ;) He thought no one would ever figure out how he stays so young looking. Well I know! It's the sugary, chemical, preservative injected breakfast cereals. Now go pour yourselves a huge bowl of Lucky Charms. Or Trix. Same thing with all the colors sans marshmallows ;)

Ron said...

YAAAAAY CONNOR!

The only good thing about morning is sleeping through it.

I couldn't agree with you more!

Oh, Kathryn you have no idea how memories you brought back for me about Lucky Charms! Those little marshmallows always felt like I was eating tiny pieces of styrofoam covered in sugar! My favorite cereal as a kid was TRIX, which I'm sure was chemically filled also.

I currently eat a more healthy cereal.

*coughs*

Yeah, healthy...it's listed as organic but has 20grams of SUGAR!!

GREAT post, my friend!

Thanks for also reminding me about election day!

xoxoxoxo

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I disagree with Clinton. Who wants to eat healthy anyway? Though Mom won't let us get it, Ed and I are always begging for Reese's cereal.

filmgirl said...

thank god my parents were not health nuts! have you ever had a captain crunch milkshake? yeah. best thing ever.

manhattaninhd.com

Clandestiny said...

I still don't understand what everyone has against sugar? I must eat a ton of sugar each day & I'm fine! What would childhood be without some sweet treats?? Everything in moderation.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Wow, a cereal snob; who knew? You handled him really well.
And you seriously get Election Day off of school? Lucky. Not anywhere I've ever lived.

evilteenietiff said...

we don't have lucky charms in Australia, I'd have to get one of my friends to send me a box

I'd just LOVE to try those little NEW hourglass shapes.

Or I can bury the lucky charms and hope to catch myself a little green irish midget of my very...oh wait that's my fiance~

Kathryn said...

Lauren: Ha! Love the face that you can relate to Connor...right down to his chemicals, I mean, sugar. IV can eat the eggs...we'll eat the chemicals, I mean, sugar!

English Rose: How can that BE? Special K is like, AIR...isn't it? No flavor...supposed to be diet cereal? I don't get it.

Kensi: Ha! I'm glad!

Heather: That sounds like a good idea! From what I'm gathering, it doesn't really matter anyway!

Gillian: You love your sleep too, eh?

book*addict: Aw. The super-mommy-student actually gets TIRED? I'm SHOCKED!

B-ster: Hey, what's wrong with having cereal for dinner? Isn't it loaded with all those vitamins? And you're having it with milk, too. So balanced! So healthy!

snoble24: Monday mornings are definitely the worst. Well, and Tuesdays....and Wednesdays....

BlackLog: Huh...we have so many cereals with the word "Golden" and "Nuggets" in them...they're all yellow and sugary and probably all chemicals.

Insanity: Yes, that's true about the sugar rush followed by the CRASH. Of course, you boys are rushing and crashing all over the place ANYWAY.

An Open Heart: Thank you! I love it, too...makes for some interesting conversations.

Kathryn said...

Spot: Chocolate cereal? Do you eat this for breakfast?? It's kinda like hot cocoa...only, not. I've no idea why the schools are closed. The calendar says "teachers attend but school not in session". ??

Sara: What is it about the middle child? Well, Kix is better than nothing! And Connor agrees about the charms being the best part.

JD at I Do Things: HA! Yeah...it's those chemicals that make a MAN out of them! The hell with those nutritious omelets!

Straight Guy: EXACTLY. Well-cooked meal=60 minutes of prep, cook and clean up. Cereal=10 seconds and 20 secs of cleanup. The math speaks for itself!

carissajaded: YES! Fake-nourishment! We ALL need SOMETHING. I'm a personal fan of Frosted Flakes & Hostess cupcakes, but that's just me. HEY! What happened to the link to your blog? I used to be able to get there from your name?

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt: Thank you! Frosted cocoa-bombs!? They sound sweeeeet!

smileyFreak: Uh-huh. The "charms" are the best part, altho I personally can't eat so much sugar so early in the morning...

Cynica Sarcastamos: Gee...I'd no idea you and LUCKY were so...close! Whyever did you two break up???

Gingerella: Ha! Go for it! Cereal is GOOD for you...ALL the commercials SAY so!

Wendy Blum: HA! Somehow, you've managed to twist up Dick Clark with Lucky Charms! I'll never look at them the same!!

Sue said...

I has the similar experience this morning with my son...got asked if he could go to school and hour late because he was tired!

Kathryn said...

RON! Organic cereal (cough!) with 20 grams of sugar?! I'd go back to the luck of the Irish, my friend! What the hell?? I'm more of a Frosted Flakes, Sugar Pops kinda gal. But NEVER for breakfast....I can't eat food that early. I like my breakfast cereals at other times of the day.
Election day? Oh, yeah....vote!
xoxo

Oddyoddyo13: OMG! Isn't Reese's cereal the one that's chocolate and peanut butter? First thing in the morning? Your stomach can handle that??!

filmgirl: Oh, yum. Can't say I've ever had the Captn Crunch milkshake, but it was my sister's favorite...with, or without the crunchberries.

Clandestiny: Actually, it's the only sugar Connor eats during the day...he just has this soft spot for sugary cereals. Probably not the best choice, but hell...it's better that he eats SOMETHING, right?

Maureen@IslandRoar: I know! (Not "I know Clinton's a cereal snob", but that the kids are off from school.) I don't remember this being the case before. Maybe they're using the schools for polling places this year.

evilteenietiff: HA! Now, now...no making fun of the (Irish?) fiance...I have to admit...they're really good..those little charms. You can feel your teeth rotting with each bite...yum.

Kathryn said...

Sue: Oh, that's too funny! Do you know that Connor goes to bed earlier when there's no school the next day. I asked him why and he said it's 'cause he knows he has all day tomorrow to hang...that seems to make all the diff. Go figure.

Mark Price said...

mmmm cereal! Hey did you realize that if you say boo day a bunch of times it starts to sound like booty. Creepy huh all those kids droppin by after dark for a boo day call. This is what im talkin about the voices make me type this crap! ugh! Funny post as usual. Hey would it be rude for me to interview someone on my blog? It's sort of your thing but I might try it. If it's ok with you.

Alicia said...

Hahaha, right before I read this I had just finished eating a big bowl of Frosted Flakes...my dinner.

And my favorite cereal growing up was Quisp...remember Quisp, the little flying saucer space ships with crispy crunchy sugar coating? mmmm, I miss those.

Runnergirl said...

I have an addiction to Kellogg's Maple Frosted Wheats. Which of course, you can't buy over here, so I have to smuggle a couple of packets back in my suitcase whenever I go to the States.

Other than that, I have porridge every day. Plain porridge, just skimmed milk, no sugar, berries, honey, anything. Just plain.

How dull am I?!

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

To answer your question, It was my fear of commitment (to high fructose corn syrup). I decided I wanted to experience other vices... and Lucky's HFCS tendencies were just too possessive. But I still fight the urge every day to go back!

Picture Imperfect said...

Mornings are awesome! Especially if nobody expects me to be even remotely intelligent. hehe...

Sometimes I LOVE sugarbomb cereal, others I'm more sensible. My current fave is Honey Nut Cheerios! :)

Hope you're having a great day!
~Penny

Kathryn said...

Mark Price: Oh, you are such a GUY....it's freakin' scary. I mean, seriously....I would NOT have even thought of this. OF COURSE you can interview someone on your blog! I don't have the copyright on this sort of thing....do I??

Alicia: No! I do not remember Quisp! Of course, this does not mean they did not exist...just means I was in a sugar-coma for most of my childhood!

Runnergirl: Porridge? "Please sir...may I have some more??" No sugar? No berries?? Why are you punishing yourself, sweetie??

cynica Sarcastamos: Aw....but he misses ya....yes, he does! He wants you baaaaaack!

Picture Imperfect: Oh, yum. I looove Honey Nut Cheerios. And frosted Cheerios...just not the PLAIN Cheerios, cause then I have to drown 'em in sugar. (Gross, right?)

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