Friday, October 16, 2009

Can You Fake It?

What could this post possibly be about? For once, I will NOT tell you to get your minds out of the gutter. Well, maybe just a little….since everyone’s thinking the obvious. But the truth is, we’ve all faked something at one time or another. I’m not just talking about the Big “O” here…and I’m also not talking about deceit…not lying, per se…just projecting an image or emotion that is other than what your audience may be anticipating.

I strongly feel that “faking it” is totally different from deception, dishonesty or trickery. “Faking it” can be used for everything from sparing someone’s feelings to raising someone’s self-esteem.

And so, I am here to promote “faking it” as the new “truthfulness”…the anti-ruse.

Clinton Kelly (IV): “I hope I’m getting a piece of this. It sounds…intriguing…”

Kathryn: “I suppose…..if you must. It can’t just be about what you’re thinking, though.”

CK: “Why not? If you took a poll of who fakes what particular thing the most often, what would most likely be number one?”

K: “Are we talking about women…or men?”

CK: “What? What diff does that make?”

K: “Well, everyone knows that women are better at faking things than men.”

CK: “What?? How do you figure that? Have you any scientific studies to back up such a blatantly sexist statement?”

K: (Hangs head) “No…no, I don’t. I’m sorry…I was just trying to be funny.”

CK: (Redeemed) “Well. Maybe you should stick to what you’ve researched, kiddo. You should know better.”

K: “PSYCHE! That was me, by the way, faking sincerity and remorse all at the same time.”

CK: “Uh-oh….I don’t care for the way this is going. I've change my mind. I want out.”

K: “Nope. Too late…you had your chance. Now, help me think of examples of ‘Faking It’.”

CK: “Um. How about me faking interest in this topic?”

K: “Oh! Good one! I love it! See that? Now, I’m faking enthusiasm in your faking interest. How’d you like them apples??”

CK: “I can’t believe you’ve come up with so many of these so quickly. You are a freakin’ genius.”

K: “Huh. That was faking surprise, combined with a fake compliment…am I correct?”

CK: “I am so much better at this than you, in case you were not aware.”

K: “Gee. That would be fake bravado…mixed with a little being really full-of-yourself.”

CK: “Isn’t that basically the same thing?”

K “Yeah, but it was worth repeating…’cause I’m way over you being so full of yourself.”

CK: (Lone tear slides silently down his cheek) “I….I don’t know what to say. I’d no idea you’d harbored so much hostility towards me. I’m at a complete loss here…. I thought you cared.”

K: (Eyes suspiciously) “Uh huh. That would be fake tears with a terrible impression of fake helplessness thrown in, just to show off.”

CK: “How about this? I’ll name ten ‘fake’ things in ten seconds and you’ll let me off the hook for the rest of the day. Deal?”

K: “Bring it on.”

CK: “Okay…we have fake: nails, boobs, fur, leather, designer fashion, Rolex’s, wood decks, suede, hair and diamonds.”

K: “Wow. I guess that just about covers it. Ten of 'em, anyway.”

CK: (Fake smiles) “I like your tan, by the way.”

K: “HEY. This tan is the real deal! Wait. Is a tanning bed considered a real tan or fake? The rules are unclear on this one….judges??”

K: “SCORE! Awww. I’m sorry, Kelly. Better luck next time….seriously.”

CK: “That’s fake sympathy, right? Got it. What are you planning on fake-cooking for dinner tonight, sweetie? Any ideas”?

K: “What? I’m sorry. I was only fake-listening….”

On the off-chance that some of you may have practiced the art of "faking it", this would be your opportunity to chime in. (I find if you say the word "fake ______", something usually pops into your head...but maybe that's just me.) I'd still love to hear. The stage is all yours!

Chrissie said...

Fake smile. I hate it when people are way too friendly with a big fake smile plastered on their face. Oh dear, we are meant to be promoting faking it. Well okay then...
Fake crying as you mentioned above can be useful for getting people to feel bad about something they said, when you don't actually care too much, but think they should be nicer. Hmmm. But fake crying is difficult to master.

KT said...

I love the fake crying. I used to use it on my husband all the time, but then he got smart. Hump, I guess I overused it.
Other than that i'm not sure if I like faking it too much. I'm sorry, Kathryn, I'm too honest of a gal to promote faking it. ;) *fake honesty*

Unknown said...

Oh this is a gooder Kathryn, I love this topic!

To be honest, I can't really think of anything fake about me.

I have *never* in my life faked an orgasm - yay me! ;)

My teeth are real, and crooked to prove it. My hair is real, which is why it breaks so easily. My fingernails are real...

OH!!! I KNOW! I faked enthusiasm for Hallowe'en at the office for the last three years. And then, this year I let my boss know what I *really* think and she is PISSED! For real even!

Perhaps I should have carried on faking it but I just could not bring myself to do it another year. (Don't get me wrong, I like costumes as much as the next woman. But not at work!!! Thanks. lol)

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I don't think I've ever faked the "big" things. But I think everyone fakes responses in certain conversations to avoid hurting other people's feelings. Interestingly enough, I think when you fake being interested in something sometimes (like when my kids would go on and on about something) you sometimes actually do become interested in it. And "reality" TV? The fakest thing there is.

BlackLOG said...

I suspect I'm a fake writer (bad spelling and a total disregard for punctuation) and now thanks to my camera a fake professional photographer. Whenever I have the camera out in public it always attracts attention. I would like to think of it as a babe magnet (not that Mrs B would approve) but to be honest it's more like a weirdo magnet. I have even been approached in the street and been given business card . I must admit I don't always say that I'm not a professional I have on the odd occasion when asked "what Paper do you work for?" told them a little independent on line journal called the BlackLOG.

Anonymous said...

Fake laughter.

It's just easier to "Hee Hee" sometimes instead of explain to my husband why his joke was not funny.

There I said it. I feel better, thank you.


Anonymous said...

Fake non-chalance. The truth is, I do care, even if I sometimes act as though I don't.

Loredana said...

Totally fake laughed a million times! Especially if everyone else got the joke and I'm still ....

Oh well, it is what it is. Cause the worse part would be to then ask them to explain the punch line and me STILL not find it funny or get it and then REALLY fake laugh or do one of those "oh, ok, yeah, I get it"....

Anonymous said...

I have to say, this is a first for me. XD Very interesting concept you present here. Although, I suppose I've done it without realizing it. Like faking a laugh or a smile just to avoid a long explanation. But only with small petty things. Otherwise I don't think I could fake it well. What you see is often what you get with me. XD

Bobby Allan said...

I'm the queen of the fake smile when I see people in public that I know but don't like. So sue me.

Lauren said...

Fake understanding someone. I don't understand completely but know enough that I'll be able to figure it out. Rather than get people to repeat I just smile and nod. They go away faster.

carissajaded said...

I am super guilty of the fake laugh. It's not that I am not amused, just not enough to really laugh. Or sometimes I'm not really listening... I also have really bad eyes so sometimes I fake see what someones pointing at.

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

Great post! I have a problem with fake listening. Or is it really that I'm not listening? I just don't know anymore.

Spot said...

Fake nice. Everyone thinks I'm this super nice person and most of the time I am. But sometimes I'm feeling really snarky but I fake nice until I can get to the phone and text my snarky comment to my daughter who will totally laugh. Sometimes I fake interest too. But both are usually so as not to hurt the other person's feelings.

I guess my biggest one though is fake listening. Like when anyone in my family comes home and launches into one of those long winded descriptions of their day and I'm thinking about what to make for supper but saying "uh huh" at appropriate times. But sometimes this backfires and I have to say "hold on. back up. I wasn't really listening but I think you just said something important so could you repeat it?" and then they get all mad and storm off. Geez.

Faking for the right reason ranks right there with little white lies. It's all good.


Cynica Sarcastamos said...

I have fake scrupples. (I keep them in a jar under the sink.)

MJ said...

hhmm besides the BIG fake - I feel as though everything I do can be considered fake. Smile, laugh, interest. But that is because my mind is always going 100 different directions.

MJ of Dirty Little Confessions

filmgirl said...

I'm so fake nice on blind dates, it's just sad. But then they think I like them and they call and call and it's just awful because I'm not brave enough to pick up the phone and say "hey, that connection...totally fake." Instead I do that thing that is the worse thing ever...I do nothing. And eventually they go away. I am a horrible person...but it's the only way.

Mark Price said...

I love it all! Fake boobs, fake orgasms fake nails and fake hair. I especially like it when women think you're a total dork but they fake interest and sleep with you anyway! (hi honey!) I see nothing wrong with faking it! Unless it's a fake headache.
Great post Kathryn << (Not fake)

starfish264 said...

Faking that I have a clue what's going on at work .... although I believe that is also known as bullshitting lol. Faking confidence when I walk out the door ... best thing about that is often the real confidence shows up shortly afterwards! Actually come to think of it, I fake all the time - fake smile to cover tears, fake interest when I'm totally zoned out and wondering what laundry I've forgotten to do, fake smile on dates when you know in the first 5 seconds that you're not that interested (and subsequently spend more time flirting with the barman than your date) - does this make me a bad person??? Oh dear.

Lynn said...

When people come up to me and know who I am but I have NO idea who they are, I try to fake it in the hope that something will twig and I'll get a clue as to who they are rather than make both of us feel ridiculous upon the discovery that they are so unimportant to me that I don't remember them or I'm not who they think I am,

Awkwardness always ensues. I know that the best thing to do would be to say something witty and smart and socially smooth that will enable both parties to figure things out or get out of the situation in a manner that leaves everyone's self esteem intact. I haven't yet figured out what that is, though, so I guess I'll keep faking it until I do!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I suppose when my grandma sends me the same e-mail three times and me pretending to write back and say its funny or touching (when it was only funny and touching the first time rather than the fifth).

Unknown said...

After my positive psychology class, I've definitely used the faking it strategy.

It's the whole idea that by pretending you believe it, eventually you actually well. I'm using it to "fake believe" I'll get a high score on my GMAT next Friday, so hopefully it continues to work ;)

Ron said...

Ok...first of all I'm DYING at Chrissy comment....

...I'm the queen of the fake smile when I see people in public that I know but don't like. So sue me...


Honestly? I'm laughing because I'm the SAME WAY!

And another thing, I also fake knowing someone, when I really can't remember who they are. I have this way of asking them questions until I figure out who they are and what their name is.

Oh...and I also faked an orgasm once.

And being a guy...that's pretty tricky.


Thanks for another great post, my friend.

Hey, and BTW...I love the little graphic of the judges holding up 10's - too cute!

Enjoy your evening!


kathryn said...

Chrissie: You're SO RIGHT about the fake smile. I can always tell, 'cause the smile never reaches their eyes....have you noticed that?

book*addict: HA! I fell for the "fake honesty"...God, you are good, girl! Yeah, the crocodile tears are usually only good for so long....

Smoog!: Wow! You're an anti-faker, if ever I've heard one! I'm glad you stood up to your boss on the costume sounds kinda lame. Good for you!!!

Maureen@IslandRoar: Oh, I am SO with you on reality tv! It's like the audience somehow forgets that there's a cameraman and a director and a whole crew right out of the shot. And yet, so many ppl watch 'em!

BlackLOG: Hey..nothing wrong with a little PR. You're not a fake writer...I've read you, remember? As far as the photos go, why exactly ARE you walking around w/a camera? More info please...I'm not passing my (you-knew-it-was-coming) judgment till you fess up.

kathryn said...

Fumbling Confidence: I'm glad you feel better, sweetie. Just don't DARE try that "fake laughter" over HERE....I've got people who listen for that sort of thing...

jmberrygirl: Good one! But, why would you have to fake not caring? I'd like an example on my desk....400 words by Monday, please.

Loredana: Yeah, you're right. Just to the fake laugh and be done with it. It probably wasn't that funny to begin with.

Insanity! Huh. Well, you've probably faked an "I'm are YOU?" when you honestly could care less. I do that one all the time. Also faking concern when some idiot bangs his head on something...I'll say "Are you alright?", but again....well, you see where this is going...

Chrissy! HA! That's like the fake smile & wave that you give ppl when you can't remember who they are, right? You did that to me yesterday. (JK!!)

Lauren: Oh, so true! It takes so much patience to make someone explain something in're's easier to just pretend you know exactly what they're talking about. GOOD ONE!

kathryn said...

Carissajaded: I'm guilty of the fake laugh too. It's usually 'cause I've gone to my happy place and I see something humorous there....or, I think I do...I prob need glasses as well!

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt: I do believe it can go either way. You could be fake-listening, or just not listening at all. They're kinda inter-changeable....don't you think?? What? Weren't you listening to me??!!

Spot! I totally hear you. It's great when it works (what DID you make for supper?) but it sucks when you get busted. Certain words somehow manage to break thru the buzz in our heads...right? Then, it's like, "Oh, crap...what did you just say??"

Cynica Sarcastamos: Is that scrupples, or scruples?? The only Scrupples I found was some janitorial services....Do you periodically take the scruples out and like, use 'em? Or are they just for show??

MJ: Well, of course the Big "O" is the first one ppl think of. So, you basically fake everything...except the speed-barrier that your brain is presently

filmgirl: Oh, you are NOT horrible! If you were you'd say, "Ya know, you're boring as hell and I'd rather be anything place but here...with you." Now THAT wud be horrible!

Mark Price: Oh, so you think WE fake interest to sleep with YOU? Oh, God...please give me a serious finger cramp right about're killing me. Then again...what do I know? Are you at hottie, Mark? C'mon...fess up....I know there's a Mrs. Price, but still...are you worth fake interest to get in the sack??? Hmmm???

starfish264: Oh, you're GOOD. I love it! YES....I love the line about faking confidence leading to real truly works, too! See? Faking things isn't ALL bad!

Allegria: I know how hard that can be! Clinton has a wonderful line...he'll say, "I'm so sorry. Remind me of your name again." I love's so classy....and the best advice I can offer. (It does work...I've tried it.)

kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13: Yep...that works. You're being a good granddaughter and showing fake-interest. Good girl.

sports15: I believe it! I'm a firm believer that if you act like you know what you're doing, you'll definitely do better. Maybe not perfect, but better. Good luck!

kathryn said...

RON! You did NOT fake the Big "O"!
Seriously???? This is a conversation for another day...and LOTS of cocktails!
OH my GOD!

I've often done the hi and wave with no idea who they's classic!

Have a wonderful weekend, my love!

Alicia said...

Fake mommy talk. I used to be so good at it. Whenever I met the mom of one of my kids friends, or a teacher or scout leader I had this fake, "Everything is perfect in my world and my children are my only concern". I had the fake smile, the fake touchie-feelie and my daughter would ask me, Mom, why are you so fake sometimes? And I would defend myself, I wasn't being fake, and actually I wasn't, I was just being what all the other mothers were. And you know what??? We were all happy, fake happy maybe, but for that small moment, all was right in our world and we could put aside the fact that the tires on our car were a tad bald and we dreaded the next rainy season, and that the washer was backing up into the sink and we were sick of selling scout cookies.
Ahhh, I loved being fake, sometimes it's so much more wonderful than real life.

And I just got home after having a double margarita and it's so weird how much I have to backspace to fix my spelling!

Fake ain't all bad!

Heather said...

The first thing to pop in my mind. Fake teeth! I know that is crappy but man I wish I had them!

nashashibi said...

hate the fake "of course" as if I am really interested, or in work emails, when you get an email that is supposed to be a "yelling" email and you find that small little fake smiley at the end of it!!!

BlackLOG said...

Kathryn I need to find out if you are a fake reader i.e is it really you who visits the BlackLOG or a franchised version...

As for walking around with a camera – let me think – should I leave it at home gathering dust in a cupboard or take it with me and take photo’s – Those colored spaces between the garbage on the BlackLOG don’t just take themselves…

P.S. are you not well "I'm not passing my (you-knew-it-was-coming) judgment till you fess up" - that must be a first for a New Yawker, have you moved?

Momiji chan said...

i hate it when people are acting like there thinking and there really not grr that gets me irritated or like um other stuff i wont minchune sorry cant spell or yea like how they think they spell and then cant i am bad at faking anything you cna see it all over my face im so easy to read my friends tell me that when i see a cute guy i really like ^^ thats not the worst part of it if i cry my friends can tell cus my face will be all depressed an stuff and i cant hide the fct that ive been crying either which is very irrating T.T i would like to hide my face when ever i cry that would make life so much easier ^^

dm said...

Faking love, when you know you've fallen out of it.

Faking intelligence, when you know you've reached the level of your incompetence.

This is so depressing (not faking).

Anonymous said...

lolz... Lord knows I've faked my fair share of things... don't worry, I'm not faking interest in your blog... lol
anyway, got a new post I think you might enjoy... you know where to find me... your new fan (again, not fake interest)

wendy said...

Funny you should mention tanning beds. After acquiring a sun kissed glow of a tan one year from a tanning salon, I was called a "faker baker." That was a new one for me. And in case you-or anyone else cares-I am pale as snow these days. No more fakin and bakin = b

Rambles'N'Shambles said...

oh geez I've missed out on so ,many blogs time to pull my sleeves up and get movin to the beat.

I fake work. At work I get so little to do its not funny, they give me a whole day to do it, and really it will take me an hour at most, so i pretend to work, I point and click on various random things and then open up word documents and type random shizz to look like im typing.


Clinton fakes being fake

Moonrayvenne said...

Sometimes fake being sick, so I take the next day off from work. It looks really good if you start getting sick the day before. People will tell you that you don't look so hot & you say you don't feel so hot either. Then when you call in the next day, they remember you weren't doing so well the day before. Lots of complaining & whining helps...LOL!

Natalie said...

Have definitely done the fake "hi, how are you?" without really caring what the answer is. More often than not, I do care.. but there are those days that 50 million things are already running through my head that I just say it and go about my day.

Fake assertiveness, is another one. I act like I do so well at my job, when in my head, I am questioning my moves each step of the way. Can't seem like I don't really know what I'm doing though!

(ps, I think I fixed my blog to allow followers now. If not, I may need some instruction!)

MeanDonnaJean said...

Damn near every single minute of every single workday I am a complete fake....while on the telephone with clients, that is....for in reality I honestly HATE phones 'n I can't stomach talkin' to most people on 'em. But at least I always admit it (to myself 'n to whoever may be in earshot of my talkin' outloud to myself) after each 'n every call....especially when a client goes on to tell me how nice 'n wonderful 'n sweet 'n helpful I've been. Yeah, riiiiight. Then I hang up the phone 'n go back to bein' the miserable bitch of a human bein' that I usually AM.

kathryn said...

Alicia: Oh, yeah! The 'ole Margarita backspace...they should make a dance outta that! I think it comes down to that old adage that "if you act it, you become it"...sometimes, it really DOES work!

Heather: HA! So you could take 'em out at night? Or are we talkin' about veneers? Maybe those fake teeth like the girls wear on TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras??!

Nashashibi: Oh, brother. They yell, then smile at the end? Like, what? Never mind...I was just messing with ya?? Ha. Not.

BlackLOG: HA! First of all: You're a PITA. #2: If it's not ME reading your blog, then someone's got a really sick, twisted sense of humor and I'm suing for copyright infringement....or something.(That oughta buy my attny the loveseat to go with that Italian couch) #3: As for my not passing judgment till you'd fessed up (God, what was I even talking about...the camera??) (Takes another gulp of Cloudy) HEY. I can be sensitive...thoughtful and hold back a comment or two. There was that one time in the spring... Oh, wait. YOU weren't reading me then...!

saku chan: Yeah, but it would be worse if you did the FAKE crocodile least when you cry, it's REAL. That's better, really!

dm: Oh, good ones...yet, sad ones. Stupid, fake love! *Still can't access your profile to link to!

Fierce: HA! You'd BETTA not be faking interest here! That's not allowed! On my way...

Wendy Blum: Awwww. I loooove the beds...esp. in the winter when I can't seem to warm up. I haven't started yet this year, but I will. "faker baker?" I. Don't. Care. (!)

evilteenietiff! HA! I love doing that "clicking whilst doing nothing"'s fuuun. PPS: Clinton says "What? I'm so devastated by that statement that now I must fake being enraged."

Collette: Oh! And you take off your foundation and blush, right? And no lipstick. When I wear no makeup, everyone says I look ill. Hmmmmm.......

serendipitous: Yeah, whenever the salesclerk asks how I am I always answer with, "Good. And you?" and I'm cringing inside, because honestly, I really don't care.

MeanDonnaJean: But, how do you REALLY feel? HA! Hey, girl...get it OUT. It's gotta get out somewhere!!

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