Friday, September 11, 2009

Mr. Popularity

Clinton Kelly (My about-to-get-busier-than-ever IV): “I’ve just surpassed 11,000 followers on Twitter.”

Kathryn: (Takes sip of Cloudy) “Sweet. I think I just broke 60.”

CK: (Surprised) “60…thousand?”

K: “Nope. Just 60. ‘Course it’s probably more like 50, once you take out ‘X-rated Mama’ & ‘Cum C Naked Pics’ and somebody named ‘JessieSquirts17’…(winces)…I couldn’t even bring myself to click on that one.”

CK: “Yikes." (Raises glass in toast.) "Well, quality over quantity.”

K: (Takes another sip) “Yeah. Easy for you to say, Mr. 11k. I don’t care…it's just a number. Like your age.”

CK: (Pauses. Blue eyes staring off into the distance.) “What’s that supposed to mean? Somehow, I do believe you’ve managed to insult my Twitter stats and my recent milestone birthday all in one fell swoop.”

K: (Puts down glass) “Okay, what the hell does that even mean? It sounds like a great name for a rapper. ‘And now, ladies and gentlemen…MTV Awards presents, ONE FELL SWOOP!’….and the audience goes wild! KA-BOOM, CHUCKA-LUCKA-LUCKA, BOOM-CHUCKA-LUCKA!”

CK: (Stares, deadpan) “Are you finished? That is the worst rapper imitation I've ever heard. I believe it’s Shakespeare, actually.”

K: “Oh, c’mon. You’re making this up. There’s no freakin’ way you’d know this…”

CK: (Clears throat) “’All my pretty ones? Did you say all? O hell-kite! All? What, all my pretty chickens and their dam…at one fell swoop?’ Macbeth. 1605.” (Pumps fist in the air in triumph.)

K: (Stares, mouth agape) “You are so totally making this up. ‘Hell-kite?!’ I don’t think so.”

CK: “Macduff had just heard his entire family and servants had been killed. Show some respect.”

K: (Picks up drink again) “Huh. My condolences…it’s not every day your family gets annihilated by a kite. I’d say ‘oh, hell’ too…”

CK: (Chuckles) “Actually, ‘the kite’ referred to is a hunting bird, like the Red Kite…which was common in England in Tudor times. It’s like a falcon.”

K: “How do you even know this stuff? Are you some kind of robot? Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto. Who’s Macduff calling his ‘chickens’ and his ‘dam’, anyway?”

CK: (Rolls eyes) “How the hell should I know? I wasn’t there.”

K: (Thinks for a minute) “Maybe the chickens are his ‘chicks’, or his children…and maybe his ‘dam’ is his wife. Like, 'Bring me my lager woman...dammit!', or like a ‘damsel in distress’...which she definitely would’ve been, with that kite bearing down on the whole family and all...and with her trying to run in that long skirt...with his stinkin' beer gripped tightly in her arms." (Pauses) "What do you think?”

CK: (Sighs) “I think that only you can divert an innocent comment about Twitter into an intense debate over the correct usage of verbiage from 400 years ago.”

K: (Takes sip....smiles.) “Tweet.”


Ron said...

Kathryn, I swear to god, your posts need to be on SNL!!!

How the hell do you think of this stuff - it's faaabulous! And being a theater person I LOVED the reference to Bill Shakespeare and Macbeth!

Listen, 60 twitter followers are MUCH more than I ever had. I had 0.
Honest...0! I was oh, so popular. And if I was still twitting, I swear...I'd follow you!

Great post closing photo!

Kathryn said...

Ron: How great you are for my ego, dahling....I honestly don't know where it comes from-it just needs to GET OUT!
Aw. I would TOTALLY follow you...don't they know who you ARE?
Thank you so much for visiting...your comments truly make my day!

Lou said...

You are such a crack up Kathryn. Very very funny conversation

jh said...

That bird looks yummy. So you're not just a funny blogger, you know Shakespeare too & old bird references??

Jen said...

Kathryn - You crack me up as usual. Taking Twitter to Shakespeare and back is classic. I need to be having drinks with you. Oh, and I think I have about 8 followers. As I never "tweet" I'm amazed that there are that many. I don't get the whole Twitter thing. Why tweet if no one is reading them. But, then how do you get followers? Makes no sense.

Kathryn said...

Lou: Thank you very much!
jh: Well, technically...for the sake of my comedic genius and all, it's Clinton's knowledge. Either way, he started it w/that whole "one fell swoop" reference. I do love my Google.
Jen: You? 8 flwgrs?? This cannot be! I am off to investigate this mystery. Meanwhile, "Bartender?"

JD at I Do Things said...

I do love a post that combines Twitter and Shakespeare AND makes me laugh AND teaches me something about kites. I want there to be such a thing as a "hell-kite" -- some sort of huge, deadly killer kite that swoops down on unsuspecting chickens and takes 'em out. I can see the preview already . . .

Kathryn said...

JD: OMG...you're killing me. Couldn't ya just picture it? It could be kinda like Hitchcock's The Birds, only with....ya know, a kite. Well, YOU'D make it sound scary.

susan_on said...

Well, this was unexpected! Very surprising with the Twitter/Shakespeare references.

Kathryn said...

susan_on: Is this a veiled way of remarking that I can be a little...off-topic? It's okay...I'm well aware. Although you found it "unexpected" and "surprising", I hope it made you smile as well.

Chrissy said...

You're so crazy!

Kathryn said...

Chrissy: No, I'm not. I'm...."unique"..."outside the box"..."in a category all her own"...but crazy? Crazy like a fox...

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