Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Little Nuisances

Kathryn: (Heaves dramatic sigh) “I don’t mean to complain…”

Clinton Kelly (I.V. and all-around smartie-pants): “But sometimes, you still do. What’s on your mind, kiddo? Global warming? World hunger? Our troubling economy?”

K: “Um. Well…I was going for something a little bit…closer to home…but, those things are important, too.”

CK: (Leans back in chair, folds arms.) “Bring it.”

K: (Annoyed) “You do realize that no matter what I say now, it’s gonna sound petty. Do you have to do that?”

CK: (Chuckles) “Well, I don’t have to….but it’s so much fun. You fall right into it…every single time. Proceed.”

K: “Huh. I’ll ask the jury to disregard that statement. Which I find to be wholly unreasonable…how is someone supposed to forget they’ve heard something when they’ve already heard it? I’ve always found that to be totally irrational, don’t you think?”

CK: “Is that a rhetorical question, or are you expecting an answer? I do believe a jury would find you off-topic, by reason of insanity. Ha! I crack myself up.”

K: “So you do. Meanwhile, I’d like to change the subject…from you…to some things that have been bugging me. I’ve even photographed them for your amusement.”

CK: “Oh, this ought to be good. Go on.”

K: (Sarcastically) “Gee. Thanks, Clinton. I think I will!”

CK: (Confused) “What am I looking at?”

K: “The rain…can’t you see the rain? It’s freakin’ pouring. This is the epitome of the summer of 2009. We must’ve gotten 143 inches of rain. I’d better not hear a hint of the word “draught” for the next ten years.”

CK: “Is that 143 an actual statistical number, or a rough guess-timate? And to whom are you threatening? The general public? Or ‘Mr. G’, our local weatherman?”

K: “Never mind. Moving on.”

CK: “What is this? A bunch of flower buds? I’m not seeing a problem here.”

K: “The problem is that they’ll never bloom. EVER. They get to this point…and then they just wither and die. It’s like 10,000 spoons, when all you need is a knife.”

CK: “What does that even mean??”

K: “I’m not sure….but it’s not good. It’s like…ya know, almost getting there…and then you get nothing. Use your own analogy.”

CK: “Ah. I know this one. It’s your pet peeve…the mystery balling of the kitchen towel…”

K: “That is correct, Sir Kelly. And it’s always damp….and no-one claims to have been in the vicinity. Spooky and annoying.”

CK: “Aw. It’s a bird’s nest…and….ew. What is that white substance?”

K: “That would be my dryer lint. We pulled this nest out of the dryer vent. This was annoying and upsetting all at the same time. I hated uprooting someone’s home…but I have my towels to consider here. I couldn’t understand why it was taking three hours to dry a load.”

CK: “So? What happened to it?”

K: “We put it on one of the beams under the deck. It was the closest thing to the vent without putting it in harm’s way of critters and such. I went to check it a few weeks ago and realized that I couldn’t stick my head between it and the wood, so I had to get creative…”

CK: “You’re a freakin’ genius. So, Mommy-bird never found her relocated home, but you’ve got nice dry towels.”

K: “HEY. Don’t pin this on ME. Circle of life and all that. Moving on.”

CK: “Well, this is self-explanatory.”

K: “Uh huh.”

CK: “I see…pencils with broken points and a plethora of missing erasers. Someone’s doing a lot of corrections. Is this you?”

K: “NO. I’ve no clue who’s doing it…I found ‘em that way. The next is an audio-annoyance. You'll understand as soon as you hear it."



CK: "Wow. That is one annoying...what is that, anyway?"

K: "I've no idea. I finally slammed the window shut and it stopped."

CK: “What the…? This is bizarre…even for you.”

K: “Excuse me? This is my number one pet peeve. For the last three days, I’ve gotten into the shower, only to discover that the soap is cemented to the shelf. See all those little chips? That’s me….soaking wet…frantically trying to chip away at the stupid bar to get it unglued...to no avail.”

CK: (Sniffs dramatically…moves chair back a foot.) “Was it wise to bring the sharp knife into such a…slippery environment?”

K: (Indignantly) “First of all, I’m not stinky. The shower soap is right there…next to the offending cement-deodorant-bar. Secondly, I didn’t bring the knife in whilst I was showering. That would be insane. Why would I do that?”

CK: “Jury? Do we have a verdict??”

Straight Guy said...

One vote for "not petty."

Hmmm, why am I so hungry for an omelette?

Kathryn said...

Straight Guy: Thank you.
Not a big nature-lover, eh? Would a GUY go to the trouble of relocating a nest with such care and gentility?
I think not.

Chrissy said...

I bet that sounds is the poor bird looking for it's nest.

Yeah...yeah..circle of life..

Lou said...

It's your lucky day!

Call by The Quiet Life and pick up a well deserved award.

Nice post by the way, what kind of bird was that outside the window? What an incredibly annoying squawk.

Kathryn said...

Why, thank you Lou! I deeply appreciate it and will be sure to swing on my The Quiet Life.
I caught a quick glance of something black and annoying. I don't think I've heard it since.
And Chrissy? Thank you for that! As if I wasn't feeling bad enough already! I'm checking that nest today...just for YOU. ("Circle of Life"...what else could I say??)

Ron said...

Well, I gotta agree with CK...you're a freakin' GENIUS!

I LOVE when you share these dialogue posts!!

Ok...there are several of your pet peeves that are also mine, but the one that PEEVES me the most is the soap cemented to the shelf! OMG...that so peeves me off! This is why I've gone from soap to shower gel. Sometimes I will switch back to a bar of soap, however, as soon as it cements...I'm reminded WHY I prefer shower gel!!!

BTW, I stopped by CK website and saw that he's still under construction. I will return because he sounds interesting.

JD at I Do Things said...

CK isn't very sympathetic, is he?

If I'd found a nest of bird eggs, I'd probably start crying and be unable to deal with them. Better the eggs, tho, than the baby birds. Dave once found some that had apparently fallen out of their nest next to our house. He put them in a box in the garage and left me a note:

"Birds in box in garage???"

Maybe CK would've had a suggestion.

Kathryn said...

Ron: I'm glad someone shares my frustration! Somehow, due to the bumpy surface of the stone shelf, I'd avoided this conundrum until now. I'd keep forgetting about it until the next night...meanwhile, I think every day it became more cement-like. CK is a hoot...I'd forgotten his site was under construction. He's busy with Macy's Makeover America and filming for TLC. I must remember to use his twitter link for a while.
JD: CK is not a big fan of DRAMA. Sometimes, I am ALL ABOUT the drama....so, he grounds me! OMG: "Birds in box in garage?!?" What did you do? CK would probably tell you to call someone....and for God's sake...don't touch it!

B. said...

lol funny

Kathryn said...

Hey, B! Thanks for scrolling down the the far end of page one...I'm always thrilled when someone gets the full experience! Hope you'll visit again-I'll be sure and stop by your place. Thanks again for commenting. (BTW: First post on the next page is bizarre fashion...pretty weird/funny stuff)

susan F said...

The soap thing would drive me up the wall! Sad about the eggs, but it had to be done. You could have had a fire.

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