Friday, September 25, 2009

Floppo

The other night, I saw the most amusing commercial on teevee. Now, I suspect that the marketing people of this particular ad would probably take offense at my observation, but do I care?

I do not.

I cannot recall the product itself, per se….but I remember the flavor of the ad very well. It was for a potential cholesterol-reducing medication. For the sake of this telling, I shall name it “Floppoarterykaboomerate”…or “Floppo”, for short.

Set scene:

A dozen or so young, hip marketing people clogged into a too-small conference room…

...chowing down on vending machine Doritos,

...year-old twinkies,

...and those packaged saltines with some sort of questionabe cheese-spread-type substance in a suspiciously unnatural shade of yellow.

The larger conference room was already reserved for the A-list marketing reps-

...brainstorming away a mere smidgen of their client’s quarterly budget…whilst lunching on lobster bisque and pecan crusted salmon with a touch of fresh dill over risotto and wondering if they can tack on a business conference to Barbados as a legitimate marketing expense.

Claude: “Okay, so we’ve got this new pharmaceutical company as a client…and they’ve got this cholesterol reduction drug called Floppo-something and we need something fresh…something hip…and something fast ‘cause I think that ‘cheese-spread’ is on its way back up. Anyone?"

Tawni (with an “i”): “Well, we’d better think of something unique, ‘cause there’s like, a kazillion pharmaceutical ads out there…and at least half of them are for the same damn thing. Geez, Phil! Light a match!

Phil: (Sheepish) “Sorry. What about an ad that shows the patient’s perspective on what happens if you, like, don’t take your…Floppo?”

Claude: “Elaborate."

Phil: (Warming to the subject) “Well, we could have a camera laying on a gurney…ya know, like it’s the patient and all…and show the doctors and nurses looking down all concerned…but pleasant at the same time….’cause it’s not like they take it personally or anything..."

Tawni (still with an “i”): “Yeah! That whole detachment-thing. And then the doctor could be asking the paramedic ‘Any medications?’ and the paramedic can say ‘Yeah…cholesterol-reducing medication’…but look all scowling and disapproving about it, ‘cause the patient’s not taking the good stuff….the…Floppo."

Claude: “Huh. Then what? The guy dies…or what?”

Phil: (Burping silently) “’Scuse me. Nah…drug companies seem to frown on the whole dying thing…but we can have him come close.”

Tawni: “I’m digging this…the voiceover can claim: ‘If you’ve been taking another cholesterol -reducing medication, you could be in danger of a life-threatening stroke or heart attack’…that oughta scare the crap out of some people.”

Phil: “I’m on it. We could even close the ad showing the nurse lubricating up the paddles…all serious-like…and a voiceover that says ‘Don’t let THIS happen to YOU’. Then, fade to black."

(Sound in the background: “CLEAR!!! FUWOMP!!!”)

Claude: “Excellent job, people! That’s it for today. I call the closest bathroom.”

I wonder what they'll come up with next? Never mind...I think I've found it:

This just in: "The Toilet-Shaped House has a very unique design, and was built by Sim Jae-duck, the chairman of the organizing committee of the Inaugural General Assembly of the World Toilet Association, and he hopes his toilet house will highlight the global need for better sanitation.. The Toilet-Shaped house is in fact named Haewoojae, which signifies in Korean “a place of sanctuary where one can solve one’s worries“. Sim Jae-duck will open what is billed as the world’s one and only toilet house on November 11 to mark the launch of his World Toilet Association."

(Oh...my. I may have peed a little...)

snoble24 said...

wow this house is cool. i didnt ever think someone would build a house like that

Ron said...

bwhahahahahahahahaha!

bwhahahahahahhahahah!

OH. DEAR. GOD. WOMAN. This post made me HOWL!

especially...(Sound in the background: “CLEAR!!! FUWOMP!!!”).

BRILLIANT!

I wonder if that house comes with "Tidy-Bowl?"

X

Kathryn said...

snoble24: Maybe it's for rent! Would you live there, if you could?
Oh, Ron! I swear...I WAIT for your comments with "breath that is bated". You are FABULOUS for the EGO, ya know that?? That house can exist...just not in OUR neighborhood, doll...oh, the jokes we would make! I'm heading over to VENT (sidebar) now...you've got a new post! YAY! MY turn to gush!
XOXO

jmberrygirl said...

Would love to see this house on "Rate my Space."

Kathryn said...

jmberrygirl: HA! How much do you want to bet that from the ground, you can't tell it's a big 'ole toilet bowl? Couldn't you just imagine someone buying it and then flying overhead and REALIZING IT?
I'd pay to see the look on their faces....Thanks for commenting!

jasofme said...

LOL found you threw the search and read some of your post and they made me laugh so hard. Glad I have found you and will follow.

Kathryn said...

Aw! I really appreciate the follow, too. I'll be sure to stop by your place soon. I'm glad you're here!

HLJ said...

Frank Lloyd Wright would totally be jealous of that house.

Kathryn said...

HLJ: HA! Yes, I'm sure the architect's parents are very proud. What a thing to put on the 'ole resume, huh?
Thanks for commenting!

Tayyab said...

Brilliant this is really good...visit my blog n tell me what you think ? www.tayyab98.blogspot.com

--the Joker's Jerk said...

Hilarious commercial. Kinda creepy with the ending of the "CLEAR!" thing :) && i bet the toilet-shaped house will be completely full with people trying to ...flush away their problems.

JP said...

That commercial can't be worse than the water balloon that's about to explode for the pee drug (only to be outdone by the leaking pipe guy for the pee drug)... or the singing stomach for the anti-acid drug...

Seriously what happened to subtly?

Kathryn said...

Tayyab: Thanks...I've flagged your comment. I am slowly visiting everyone who was kind enough to comment/follow. Just give me some time-fortunately, it's a LOT to get through!
--the Joker's Jerk: HA! Have you seen the ad? They try and be so serious, but it's hilarious. Thanks for commenting.
JP: Woah. Exploding water balloon? Leaking pipe-guy?? Do we have those ads in NY?? Fortunately, I'v been spared. These drug ads are everywhere, aren't they? Thanks for the comment.

JD at I Do Things said...

My toilet is more often a sanctuary where worries are developed rather than solved.

JD (with a D)

Kathryn said...

JD: Honey, there's no confusing you with anyone else. Don't worry in the potty....be happy!

JP said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDHqoK8HSzs - Leaky pipes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9rdPI8sfmM - Water balloons

Chrissy said...

I want a Haewoojae sign for my bathroom. I love that!

Brndoutw8ress said...

Great Post! Thanks for the smile after getting off of yet another shitty shift at the restaurant! Thanks for stopping by my place too I appreciate that someone actually reads the crzy shit that goes on in my head! I'll stay tuned to you for more great stuff and feel free to visit me whenever you'd like to hear about asshole customers!

Spot said...

Hehehe. Seriously. Who would live in a giant toilet bowl house? And there's no lid!

No, I love the drug commercials. Have you ever listened to the "possible side effects"? Is there anything they don't list? I like the diet ones...possible side effects include diarrhea and anal leakage. Seriously? I think I'd rather be fat then walk around shitting myself. Or the new one for getting rid of wrinkles around your mouth...may cause redness and swelling..."omg, what happened to your face?! It's all red and swollen. Yes, but I look so much younger now because you can't see the wrinkles... Are they for real?! Who thinks that's worth it??!

Thanks for another good belly laugh!
♥Spot

Insanity said...

Haha. I almost choked on my drink reading this. Lovely job as always. I love your style of writing. (:

KhaoZ said...

LOL .. Haha... Good one ! :D

Jen said...

The World Toilet Association? What will they think of next? That is taking one's work a little too seriously having a house made in the shape of a toilet. At least, he didn't creat a giant urinal.

nashashibi said...

amazing way of describing the scenes, but I wish the house had a toilet seat up..lol

Kathryn said...

JP: OMG...I've got coffee on my monitor, thanks to you. HYSTERICAL.
Copper-pipe tourists who need to pee? Water balloons at the prom?? WTF?? Thanks SO MUCH for sharing...loved 'em!

Chrissy: Yeah. We could all use a little Haewoojae in our lives (baths!). Hope all is well.

Brndoutw8tress: Thanks! I'm glad your day finally ENDED. It sounded like HELL! I'll be back...how about a mutual follow? Wanna do that??

Hey Spot! HA! You are too funny! I know...totally scary stuff! If you enter "Disclaimer" into the blog search (upper left corner of this page) you'll see a post I did in May...it'll curl your socks. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Good to see you!

Insanity: Aw. Thanks so much! I'm glad you're here...I'll try and keep 'em coming. Thanks for commenting!

Khaoz: Thank you! Please visit/comment again!

Jen: HA! I'm gusssing the urinal may be the pool house in the back. (Or, hey...maybe just the pool itself. Ewwwwwwwww. Cudn't resist)

nashashibi: LOL! As a girl, this never even occurred to me. It must elicit a laugh from the owners when they get hit w/bird poop on the roof!

Kathryn said...

Khaoz! I've tried to leave you a comment on your site-it cuts off the "word verification" section so you can't enter it, which means NO COMMENT. I also cudn't find a link for email on your site and the profile link doesn't work! I hope you're seeing this...I've found this a few times already w/ppl and I'm sure they're wondering why "no comments?" Sorry...I tried!

Jan said...

Good find - but does there have to be an association for everything ? :)

Kathryn said...

Jan: I know! Evidently, the answer to this is yes. Altho, maybe the guy created the association purely as an excuse to build his toilet-house. Hey, ya never know.
Thanks for commenting!

Geeta said...

Haha, what a wonderful find you are!

Made me laugh, & I don't even have cocktail in hand yet!

www.incenseandanklebells.com

Kathryn said...

Geeta: Thank you! Grap that cocktail and be sure to come on back soon! Thanks for commenting!

dc4 said...

Too funny! I love it! My 3yr old son said,"poopoo, potty mama!" he made me laugh so hard i almoast went potty on myself!

Kathryn said...

Ha! He said that when he saw the pics on your monitor? Say, "Yes, dear...there are MANY different kind of potties!"
Thanks for the flw/comment!

evilteenietiff said...

Wow, after reading that the only thing my mind could really think of is that restaurant that has the whole toilet theme.

They sit on toilet seats, eat from toilet bowels and even eat little urinals of ice cream that has been shaped into little tiny 'leftovers'

Reality Asylum said...

That's most definitely how it went down. I was down the hall at the large conference room eating tuna tartar and sipping on oak-barrel aged Castello del Poggio Moscato over our bi-weekly self-induced salary increases.

Just kdding.

I also howled when I read this post, which wasn't so befitting for the person I was on the phone with- good old Donna from the DMV. Pfft. She put me on hold anyway.

Excellent post! You've earned yourself another follower.

Kathryn said...

evilteenietiff: Are you freakin' kidding me? That is the grossest idea for a food establishment I've ever heard! I don't want to believe that business is booming...nah...business is probably sh!t. (Pun intended)

Reality Asylum: Well, if it was the DMV, they prob wudn't have gotten the joke anyway.
So glad you're here! Thanks for the flw/comment!

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