As a passionate lover of words, I am happy to announce that Merriam-Webster has recently added more than 100 new entries to the latest edition of its Collegiate Dictionary. To see the full list, click here. K: "Clinton! Must you always use every chance you get to promote? Can't you just sit there in your fuzzy slippers, ripped sweatbants and tattered BC cap and chill??"
Below I shall share some of my favorites, along with their spiffy meanings.Clinton Kelly’s job, (being my IV-who-knows-simply-everything) shall be to further impress you by using said words in extremely complex, albeit spontaneous sentences. Prepare to be amazed.
C: “First of all, I don't own any of the above items. If I did, I would burn them. And what if I don’t want to play? What if I’m not in the mood to-…”
K: Cardioprotective: serving to protect the heart.
C: (Sighs)“It would be cardioprotective of you to include more red wine in your diet and refrain from munching on endless amounts of Jarlsburg with your Cloudy. It would also be cardioprotective of you to check with me before committing my time to such an intellectually taxing endeavor, considering the fact that I was just about to take a very important nap.”
K: “Huh. I do not recall asking for an opinionated sentence…just a spontaneous one. Let’s try this again.”
K: Earmark: a provision in Congressional legislation that allocates a specified amount of money for a specific project, program or organization.
C: “I would respectfully suggest that Congress earmark funds to recall all white cross-trainers and replace them with ballet flats or loafers, respectively. You didn’t hear a word I said before….did you?”
K: “What? Obviously, you’ve mistaken your role in this exercise. Try and do one without including your opinion this time…”
Flash mob: a group of people summoned (as by email or text message) to a designated location at a specified time to perform an indicated action before dispersing.
C: “Attn: Everyone! Flash Mob at 2pm outside Starbucks @ Bdway & Canal. Bring screwdrivers to remove “r, u,c & k” from sign.”
K: “What? You want it to say STABS? Why?”
C: “They screwed up my latte order. Twice. They're going down.”
K: “You honestly can’t do this without having an opinion, can you? Is this what you’re like without a nap? Don’t answer that.”
Frenemy: one who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy.
C: “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Tell your frenemies to go f&*% themselves.”
K: “Woah. Good one. Moving on…”
Memory foam: a dense polyurethane foam that becomes more pliable when in contact with heat.
C: “What? Isn’t your Dormia bed made of that memory foam? ‘Pliable with heat?’ What does that even mean? So, if you have a fever, you’ll sink straight through a-la that scene with Shelley Long in bed from The Money Pit? That has to be some sort of hazard. Where’s your warrantee card?”
K: (Sighs) “I’m not answering you because you’re hysterical. Are you gonna let me finish? There are some good ones coming up and you’re going to have to leave the room if you can’t contain yourself. Take a breath. Better?”
Sock puppet: a false online identity used for deceptive purposes.
C: “A ‘sock puppet’? Like Lamb Chop?
That’s the best they could do? They’ve made it sound downright cute.”
K: “I dunno. Why don’t you go ask them? That is a terrible example sentence, by the way.”
Staycation: a vacation spent at home or nearby.
C: “I know that one….it’s what people do when they travel so much for work that when they actually get some time off, they just want to curl up in the fetal position, watch Rock of Love, eat take out Chinese and try to remember the last time wore a shirt that didn't come out of a suitcase. Staycation.”
K: “Nooooo,it's slumping on the couch in your jammies, eating rocky road ice cream and watching old episodes of Dr. 90210, blocking your vision with the spoon when the gory surgery scenes come on. Not that I've ever done this….”
Vlog: a blog that contains video material.
C: “Just some video? Let me see that list. I want to know if this is considered a ‘vlog’ or a ‘blog’. ‘Vlog’ sounds kinda cheap.”
K: “Whatever….you’re talking out loud, ya know. So, your sentence is: ‘Vlog sounds kinda cheap’? I’ll pass your comment along, but I think they’re still gonna add it…regardless of your misgivings.”
Waterboarding: an interrogation technique in which water is forced into a detainee’s mouth and nose so as to induce the sensation of drowning.
C: “Yikes. We don’t need this defined. I prefer to think of waterboarding as that thing you do when skimming on the water on the shore in a Hawaiian-inspired pair of board shorts.”
K: “Um. That’s skimboarding. Great sentence, though...and I’m totally there. Actually, I’m the one sitting on the beach chair, cheering you on and holding that lovely martini.”
Zip line: a cable suspended above an incline to which a pulley and harness are attached for a rider.
C: “They left out the part about the receding scream heard ‘round the world….fading into a whimper as said ‘zip rider’ lapses into unconsciousness.”
K: “Wow. I gotta tell you. Sometimes, you scare me.”
C: “Just sometimes??”
K: "Clinton! Must you always use every chance you get to promote? Can't you just sit there in your fuzzy slippers, ripped sweatbants and tattered BC cap and chill??"