Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Stumble Theme

Those who know and love me (insert hug here) know of my past issues with The Pit and my many, many hilarious (in hindsight) adventures that were so unbelievable, you knew they HAD to be true, for no-one in their right mind (or any frame of mind) could make up this kind of homeowner shit insanity.

I’m outta there….away from those moments when I would think, “This can’t possibly be happening…no-one’s gonna believe this is really happening….where’s my camera so I can prove to everyone that this is really happening?”

I’m in a comfy house now. We’ve dubbed it “The Pleasant House”…quite the 180 from The Pit.

Or, is it? My sister is a big believer in keeping bad cosmic thoughts to a minimum and good ones to the max, so I’m not supposed to be thinking that I may have some home-hex placed on me.

I’m keeping this short, as it’s after 11pm, I’m exhausted and I never even got to answer 4 extremely important (and totally non-work related) emails today, did not make 2 work-related phone calls that really should have been placed and have not gone anywhere near any of my blogbud’s sites and read their guaranteed-to-be-hilarious, or insightful, or just plain interesting posts, which makes me miss them terribly and makes me want to refill my glass and say “The hell with sleep….so what if no-one knows what the hell I’m talking about tomorrow…it won’t be the first time. Everyone’ll just have to freakin’ get over it.” Instead, I'll promise to devote scads of early-morning, pajama-clad time to play catch-up. Those who truly support me will understand....especially by the end of this post.

I’m tired…and you’re about to see why. I had my friend Wayne come by tonight. I fed him an extraordinary dinner of ziti, thick meat sauce and enough sausage to equal an entire small pig- and sent him home with half of it, much to Taylor’s dismay. Wayne, in turn, brought cannolis and other assorted Italian pastries for dessert, which just upped him one step closer to winning the coveted title of Dinner Guest Extraordinaire, Summer 2009.

(Disclaimer) The photo you are about to see is graphic and may be disturbing to some viewers. Anyone who becomes queasy upon witnessing alarming and distressing events taking place in the structure of an abode is advised to take appropriate measures to avoid hysteria. My personal choices would include (but are not limited to): Xanax, alcohol of any kind, bubble baths (including alcohol of any kind), Valium or a loved one to cover your eyes so you won’t have to look.

I’ll preface this photo by telling anyone who is not aware that the house I’m presently renting is a split level, also referred to as a raised ranch. You enter through the front door and you may go up 6 steps to the main living area, or go down 6 steps to the lower living area. Over the last 2 days, I’ve noticed that I stumble when coming down the last step to the foyer (pronounced “foy-yay” if you want to make it sound fancy-schmancy). For two days, I attributed this to my treacherous, near-death experience in the Stop & Shop the other day where a particular part of my anatomy was severely….compromised…as a result of said perilous incident. Perhaps it has thrown my entire neurological system into a hazardous state of shock.

(My IV is making that annoying roll-tape-charade-signal again, which means I’m to wrap this up. I hate when he does this….I wonder if Tim would be doing this?)

So, here it is:

I’ve taken this photo from the front porch. I’ll let you sit with this one for now. (Wayne swears it's an easy fix. I've reminded Wayne that nothing with me is ever easy.) I'll keep you posted.

Just don’t forget this:

‘Cause there’s a definite cosmic-theme going on here…

jh said...

Where's the stair, oh wait, the floor has sunken!! Holy cow. As for that dinner, it used to just sound good, but now that I'm down South it sounds down right exotic & cultural.

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, ow. That is a broken butt just waiting to happen. And I guess it DID happen.

No, Tim is far too gallant (stress on the 2d syllable) to use pantomime to speed anyone up. But he might peer at you somewhat disapprovingly over the top of his glasses. You don't want that.

Kathryn said...

JH: Pasta, meatsauce, sausage & cannolis sound exotic? Sounds like you may be missing some good ole NY basics. Do they have good bagels there? Maybe I cud send you some. I actually did that w/my friend in Houston...worked out pretty darn well.
JD: Isn't that bizarre? Re: Tim....(sigh) I guess it's too much to expect that ANY guy's gonna have enough patience to sit thru my tirades w/o resisting the temptation to prod me a along. Chrissy's idea (www.ishouldabeenastripper.com)is starting to sound better & better.

Jen said...

First of all, thanks for the kick ass response to my last post. Appreciate the support. I know how it is being tired and not able to keep up on the blogging end of things. Also, the steps are a bit scary and probably should be fixed. Falling again would not be a good thing.

Nicole said...

Sweetie, please be careful on those stairs; I've already fallen down a flight & it is NOT fun! We were much younger too. :) I'll tell you if you go back with carpet on the stairs it's not expensive - wood is outrageous (I've got the quotes & everything in the south is cheaper). Sorry. Wish I could help you with the rest; my BFF could in a breeze, but that would cause him some serious problems.

We get great bagels here; yes, I've had NY ones to know. Been craving NYC bagel lately; you're going to force me to make a side-trip yet. E-mail me a pic, so I can get a better view, and I'll see if I can help you out! ~Nic

Kathryn said...

Jen: Anytime on the kickass response....I mean, anytime. I simply call 'em as I see 'em. And no-one messes w/my blogbuds.
Nicole: I can only say: "WTF?" I think you were tired when you wrote this 'cause I'm not following. #1: It's a rental house. I'm not a fan of carpet ANYWHERE, but def not on stairs, but they're not mine to re-do....and the stairs are fine, it's the foyer (landing) that's sinking....sinking.....ahhhhhhhhhh!
Not sure what you want a closer pic of re: view? My friend Wayne'll fix it on Tuesday....says it's no biggie. Wayne can fix ANYTHING. Next, I'm gonna ask him to fix all the traffic lights in town so they'll all turn green when they see me coming.

Chrissy said...

OMG! Okay, calm down, Chrissy. Your sister is right, Kathryn. It's an easy fix. Just keep telling the univers, It's an easy fix.

But, OMG!

f8hasit said...

As Rosanna Rosanna Danna said, "If it ain't one thing, it's another"...

Hopefully it'll be a quick, easy fix. Don't you love home projects that you didn't plan? (sarcasm noted)

:-)

Kathryn said...

Chrissy: That's what I said! 'Cept exchange "OH MY GOD!" for "WTF?" I've never seen anything like it.
F8hasit: It's always gonna be SOMETHING, right? But, a sinking foy-yay? Sounds like a syndrome. "Doctor says I've got 'sinking foyayy'-he's given me 2 months to live."
This is why God made general contractors.

Susan F said...

Be careful... I have the same set up and for a while I kept slipping at the bottom too. I never fell, but a couple of times I really jarred my back. No fun.

Kathryn said...

'Kay. I've learned the trick is to try and avoid the foyer alltogether...I'll attempt to swing my body from the bottom of the upper group of steps to the top of the lower group. You'd have to see it to understand it...it's really not unlike a graceful ballet move. I'm sure I'm a sight to see....

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