Thursday, July 16, 2009


Do you know who these people are? Have you seen this photo before? Trust me, you WISH you’d been in this photo. This is the original team from Microsoft, circa 1978. Uh-huh…all eleven of ‘em. I actually know their real identities, but for entertainment purposes, we shall go with some fictional ones. Is everyone okay with that?*

*If you’re not, stop reading and go back to work.

Yes, I’ve cropped each individual person, so you won’t have to keep scrolling back up to see who I’m talking about, ‘cause that’s just the kind of wonderful gal that I am. Did it take forever to do? Uh-huh....You’re welcome.
#1: Billie Bob. He’s kinda going for that magician from Frosty the Snowman look with the hair…don’t you think?
He wasn’t in a very good mood on this particular day, as the little missus (Loreen) had just run him over with the family Pinto (hence the muddy tire marks on his formerly clean white shirt) for staying out till 4am, coming home hammered and not saving any Bud Light for her.

This is Fred. Fred’s the most invisible one of the bunch. People tend to forget that Fred’s in the room. He’s like that character Jason Alexander

played on Friends that time…the one who wanted to commit suicide ‘cause no-one even realized he existed? Remember?? Of course you don’t….

This is Derek. Derek has hair in places where people shouldn’t have any. Derek can’t get a brush through his hair. Derek’s never had a girlfriend. Derek gets weird during a full moon. Poor, poor Derek.

Here’s Stan. His nickname at the office is Staring-Stanley…and he’s creeping everybody out. The red shirt’s velour and he’s got enough hairspray in that ‘do to spontaneously combust. That’s why the guy next to him’s moved off to the side.

And that would be Harry. Sweet, loveable Harry…who hasn’t a clue. He rides his bike to work every day and prefers Kool-Aid over soda. Harry’s gonna live with his mother forever.

This here’s Toby. Toby’s the loner of the group. No-one’s sure where he lives…or what he does in his spare time. Sometimes, Toby comes to work smelling like a combination of lighter fluid and coconut. The jury’s still out on Toby.

Marcus is the deep thinker of the bunch. He keeps pens in his pocket for those inspirational moments when he must write down what the voices in his head are saying. He’s been known to wander into the local ER and perform minor surgeries, as people assume he’s wearing hospital-issued scrubs. He looks smart, so no-one questions him.

This is Billy. Yes, folks…it’s Bill Gates. I’m not stupid enough to make fun of a man that can probably purchase every home in New York State, just so he can make me move to Connecticut.

Here’s Betsy. Betsy’s hobbies include knitting, stalking David Cassidy and sewing doilies made out of discarded stewardess’s uniforms. Betsy liiiikes Bill…Betsy thinks the gal next to her is a slut.

…and that would be Darlene. Darlene hasn’t cut her hair since she was five and claims she needs to wear darkened glasses due to a genetic sensitivity to light, but everyone knows she’s stoned 99.9% of the time and would probably go blind if she ever had to take them off. Besides….she’s so mellow...

This would be Herb. Herb likes Darlene (hence the obvious body language), but Darlene’s too stoned to notice. Herb also hasn’t cut his hair since he was five and is attempting to build the world’s largest toilet made completely out of Lincoln Logs for the Guinness Book of World Records.

So, there you have it. I thought I’d close with a shot of one of their computers. (It’s what Toby’s staring at so intently in the shot.)

(Makes you appreciate that laptop a bit more....huh?)

jh said...

Spot on KK, spot on! What's with those weird 1800's looking woman like Betsy anyway? Like they thought, hmm, I'm not feeling this groove so I'll just dress like it's the 1800's. & the facial hair, ewwwww! pubes on a face is not attractive people! no wonder they had nothing to do but work on computers.

kathryn said...

JH: My theory is that the Betsys of the world were still being dressed by their mothers. As for all the facial hair on da guys, I'll never understand that. Maybe they WANT to look older...and scruffier....and homeless.

susan F said...

Weird! But it worked for them!

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