Thursday, July 23, 2009

Bad Sources

My TweetDeck announced breaking news from BNO:
Microsoft shares fall as it announces bad Q4 results. Reuters is reporting that Microsoft will cut 5,000 jobs.”

20 minutes later, TweetDeck chimes again with another BNO update:
Reuters has removed the alerts about Microsoft cutting 5,000 jobs without a retraction. The job cuts are not new.”

Five minutes later, I get this:
Microsoft spokesperson confirms to BNO News that the Reuters report saying it will cut 5,000 jobs is inaccurate as it was already announced.”

Kathryn immediately picks up the phone and calls her confidential contact over at Reuters for confirmation of the confirmation of the removal of the alert without a retraction.

Kathryn: “Hey, Stan-the-man! What’s the poop?”

Stan: (Whispering) “I don’t think you’re supposed to say my name. I thought this was confidential.”

K: “Yeah, okay….whatever. So, what’s the official word?”

S: “I’ve got two words for you: ‘Our bad.’ You may quote me. Anonymously, of course.”

K: "Crap, Stan. That’s not much of a quo--- "

S: “---Gotta go. That cute girl from accounting’s walking by…”

Click.

Being a seasoned reporter, Kathryn realizes it may be wise to get a confirmation to the second confirmation from a confirmed second source, so she puts a call in to Bill Gates.

Surprisingly, Bill was not available to take Kathryn’s call but instead put her through to some guy named Isaac from the Communications and Public Relations Department.

Kathryn: “Isaaaaac……my man! How’ve you been, bro? How’s that….girlfriend of yours….what’s-her-name again?”

Isaac: “I’m gay. Nice try. What do you want to know? You can ask but I’m probably not going to tell you anyway.”

K: “Huh. Not very communicative of you, buddy. Did Microsoft announce today that it was cutting 5,000 jobs?”

I: “Nope.”

K: “Nope? That’s your answer? So, Microsoft isn’t cutting 5,000 jobs?”

I: “Oh, I didn’t say that. We just didn’t say it today. Didn’t you talk to Stan?”

K: “Um. Well, I spoke to a Stan…but he didn’t really say much...”

I: “Did he say ‘our bad’? ‘Cause it’s true. It’s old news…no point in dredging up sour milk…or, whatever that expression is. Anything else?”

K: "Well, I think our readers would like to know what kind of Q4 decline we're talk---"

I: “---Gotta run. That cute guy from accounting is walking by….”

Click.

And that’s the way it was.

susan F said...

Well, aren't they informative! Clears it right up!

Kathryn said...

That's what I thought. Isn't it a wonderful thing when you can NOT get the news sent to you immediately?

Straight Guy said...

And somehow Apple just posted one of its best quarters ever. Bet they'd talk your ear off.

Chrissy said...

I think they'e lying. I've never seen anyone cute work in accounting.

Kathryn said...

Welcome, Chrissy-
What about that guy "Henry" from the show Ugly Betty? I mean...not exactly Clooney, but did you see the pecs on him?
Overall, I think they may have just wanted to ditch me. Ya think?

Kathryn said...

SG: Just wait. I have a circa 1970-something photo of the original Apple guys....that'll show 'em.

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