Much Ado About Completely Random Stuff

Spring has sprung. Completely and totally. Put the snow shovels away…and break out the Bermuda shorts people…’cause winter is HISTORY.

Da flowers are a-blooming:


And no matter where you look, you see signs of spring:

Even that pesky “paused” magnolia tree has decided to get with the program, move forward…and reach for the warm, welcoming spring-time sun:

(Yes, Jackie….pics will follow when it actually blooms completely.)

So, here we are…at the end of a perfectly glorious weather-weekend here in the northeast. We never saw the rain they’d anticipated…and the mid-50’s temps they’d predicted gave way to the mid-60’s instead….simply fabulous….especially by my standards. There was no wind chill, no bugs, no humidity and very few clouds. On a scale of one to 10…I’d give it a solid 9.

I am a big believer in using all of one’s senses….especially on a beautiful day. It’s the perfect way to create a “mental snapshot”. You simply pick a moment in time and take stock of everything, using all your senses. Sitting on a lounge chair in the back yard, chilled glass of Cloudy in my hand, one sister parked on either side of me, we all sighed and closed our eyes.
I took stock:

• Sound: Birds singing, laughter, the distant sound of a lawn mower (such a lovely summer sound!)
• Feel: Warm sun on my skin, soft hint of a breeze.

I open my eyes…take a sip of my Cloudy…and I start thinking about choices.

I say “I wonder where I would’ve wound up if I’d married Brian the bass player from Project Five?”

And my sister says, “Whoa. What the hell? I’m talking about salad dressing here.”

And my other sister says wistfully, “I remember Brian. Coulda, woulda, shoulda”, which is my second- favorite-line from Sex & the City…after “breath that is bated”.

“No, seriously” I say. “He asked, you know. Twice. I could be part owner of a family tractor company in Connecticut, with two little girls….Mary and Wendy.”

“Why Wendy?” my ever-pragmatic sister asks. “She sounds like she’d wear pearls and drink tea with her pinkie raised.”

I sigh. “Uh-huh. And we’d have a cat and I wouldn’t be allergic and we’d name it Juliet.”

I love my boys. Really…truly…totally. I think that sometimes, though…the testosterone level surrounding me impedes on my ability to have any kind of truly rational thought. (I am going to co-author a paper with my friend Jill…also a mother of boys…and we shall title it “The Hidden, Unrecognized Dangers Facing the Female Adult When Surrounded by Perilously Elevated Levels of Male Testosterone For Prolonged Periods of Time, Resulting in Faulty Brain Continuum, Combined With Disrupted Images and Heavy Drinking.” I see a Nobel prize in our future.)

I do believe other female adults in the same environment will find this topic both fascinating and deeply disturbing.

I can instantly recognize the theme song to Family Guy. I know it’s considered a cardinal sin in my house to throw away a perfectly good sheet of bubble wrap if it hasn’t been properly “popped”. I know that if I try to explain to the boys why it’s important to use conditioner after shampooing, they’ll get that glazed-over look in their eyes and I might just as well be talking to myself….that, in fact, I am. Talking to myself…that is.

Such is the life of a lone female…in the daily company of guys…and heaven help us all.

Now. What was she saying about salad dressing?