Phobia

Who can explain why we fear the things we fear? Most people have heard of acrophobia (a fear of heights)…something I couldn’t relate to until I had to clean out the gutters one day and literally got stuck on my roof…completely and utterly paralyzed.

It’s the one and only time (thank Gawd) I’ve ever felt like some big old Godly hand was gonna swoop down and flick me right off that roof…hurdling to my subsequent death…even if it was only 40 feet or so down. You won’t find me hanging out on anyone’s roof any time soon and I have a newfound respect and appreciation for all things phobic.

Then there’s aphenphosmphobia…which is a fear of being touched. Ouch....that's gotta make it hard to get through the day.

Ataxophobia is a fear of disorder or untidiness…and heaven help that person if they set foot in my garage….fuggetaboutit.

Know what cacophobia is? It’s a fear of ugliness. Gee…isn’t that…subjective?

Everyone’s heard of claustrophobia…but how about chronomentrophobia? That’s a fear of clocks, which let’s face it…are EVERYWHERE. Unless you're in Vegas...then you're golden.

I definitely have ephebiphobia, which is a fear of teenagers. You moms of teens know exactly what I'm talking about. Uh-huh.

And since it's not listed, I'll add my own mickeyophobia...'cause...well, you know:

Genuphobia is a fear of knees. Knees! I wonder if you could be a cacophobic genuphobic…then you’d be afraid of ugly knees. That would be quite discombobulating.

Leukophobia is a fear of the color white, melanophobia is the fear of the color black and porphyrophobia is fear of the color purple. Evidently, these seem to be the only colors people fear. I personally find beige to be pretty scary…but maybe that’s just me.

Octophobia is a fear of the figure 8, not to be confused with the number 8. This means that it’s perfectly tame on paper, but don’t go skating it, or somebody’s gonna freak out.

I definitely have a healthy fear of snakes, so I guess I have ophidiophobia:

This little Carpet Python originates in Australia & New Zealand (save my Cloudy!) and can live up to 25 years and will grow to be 12 feet long. (shivers)

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There’s even something called pteridophobia…which is a fear of ferns. Not marigolds…not rubber tree plants…but ferns. Personally, I’d be wary of this:

This is called an amorphophallus, which literally translates to "shapeless penis." The name comes from the shape of the erect spadix. (Hey…don’t shoot the messenger…I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to. Well, actually I could, but I didn't....and for the record, I don't think it's shapeless at all.)

All of my girlfriends need to remember the word venustraphobia….so that the next time someone runs screaming from them, they’ll know it’s ‘cause that person has a healthy fear of beautiful women. (Insert "awwwwww!" here.) Evidently, there is no fear of gorgeous, buffed, hot guys….go figure.

And finally….the Mother of all phobias:

Are you ready?

Did you see this one coming? (Margarete, Jackie & Secret Agent Foyce did…I hear their voices in my head as I type….)

It’s phobophobia. That’s a fear of…………phobias. That’s when you know you’re in trouble.