Spread It

Dinner this evening consisted of pasta…delicately shaped as to resemble a conch shell gracefully undulating within the gentle, rocking waves of a clear, warm turquoise sea…combined with a beef product, whose manufacturer (by their own account) report to a higher authority…mixed with the freshest peas available in the local market’s frozen food section….(that would be aisle six, fyi).

Clinton Kelly (My jet-lagged, seafood-buffet-overdosed, Big Kahuna I.V.): “So…you’ve made the boys your infamous mac & cheese with hot dogs and peas? I’m not sure what offends me more…that you made it, or that they ate it. Gross.”

Kathryn: “It’s not gross. It’s nutritious….it covers all the major food groups: meat (or, some version thereof), pasta (which is the same hue as its more traditional cousin, the po-tah-to) and the USDA’s stringently-researched requirement of an entire serving of greenery. Besides….you’re not the one that eats it…and neither am I, if we are to get technical. It’s a kid thing…”

CK: “Actually, I do believe it’s the same daily diet as the deer in the area….except maybe for the pasta. I may help the boys plan a revolt.”

K: “HEY. I don’t see YOU in the kitchen…making them sirloin, cheddar and chutney crostini from page 174…and you do realize that they wouldn’t even consider eating that, right?”

C: “How do you expect them to be fabulous adults if you don’t start feeding them fabulous food now? I mean, it’s common sense…seriously.”

K: “Oh, but they love their shrimp…and salmon….and lobster….prefer it, actually. Are you buying? And are you aware of exactly how much food the average 17 and 12-year-old boy can inhale in one sitting? ‘Cause it’s scary stuff….I’m not kidding, here…I basically just leave the food on the counter and it’s every man for himself. Hit the floor running…feet, don’t fail me now….they’re savages.”

C: “You may have a point. I suppose truly tasty fare may be wasted on anyone who can ingest food at a rate decidedly faster than the naked eye can follow.”

K: “Wow. Did you just come up with that one? It’s genius!”

C: “I’m da man. What’s up with the errant ornament? Is it that time again...already? Exactly how long was I gone?”

K: (Sighs contentedly) “I’ve missed you, C-man. It’s like you’re inside my head…”

C: (Rolls baby-blues) “It was a long flight, kiddo. Do we have a point?”

K: “Don’t I always? Eventually? Someone’s in need of a cocktail…here’s the bottle. Do you want a glass to go with that?”

C: “Nope. I’m good. Proceed.”

K: “’Kay. Don’t you just hate it when you’ve finished putting away all your Christmas paraphernalia…only to discover that one, errant, pesky residual ornament that somehow avoided detection till well after the fact?”

C: “………………………………..”

K: “Oh, C’MON….You mean to tell me that you’ve NEVER experienced this? Are you kidding me? You are such a liar.”

C: “I’m sorry…did you say something? I can’t possibly listen to you and swig simultaneously.”

K: “Gee. For an I.V., you’re not always so great at listening. Fortunately, you're much better at sharing. Gimme some of that…we’re done, already.”

C: "Okay...but find a glass. I'm not risking catching that cold."

K: "Well, that's dedication for you. Spread the joy, bay-bee...."

Spread the joy...