Tuesday, December 2, 2008


With Thanksgiving a mere gastro-memory and retailers, wholesalers and advertisers inundating us with holiday reminders, I can’t help but to whine: “Is it over yet?”

The flesh and blood version of my IV is doing his animated best to enthuse and entertain an (I’m sure) standing-room-only audience in Maryland this evening.

And yet, I can somehow hear his telepathically-induced S-O-S…saying “I’m DONE. Get me out of here. How many times can you say the same thing? It’s not working….I’m not getting through. Too…many…horribly…dressed…people.”

Me: “Poor baby. Well, you’re almost done…one more state to go. Who’s the genius who had you finish your tour in Seattle, anyway? I hear that collectively…as a state… they’re about as badly dressed as they come…I read somewhere that they’re actually known for this and are almost proud of the distinction.”

C: (Groans) “Thank you for that. I feel a whole lot better now. Remind me to order you that Rudolph hand-knitted sweater-number from Lillion Vernon the next time I’m online.”

K: “Hey. Don’t take it out on me. Besides, you said you liked this part of your job…'getting out there and meeting the masses’ and all…your adoring fans…even if they are fashion disasters…”

C: “I never referred to them as ‘disasters’….not publicly, anyway…and that was 27 shows ago. I was younger, rested and still thought I could convince people to stop dressing like schlumps.”

K: “And now?”

C: “Now I don’t care. They can grocery shop in flannel overalls and use ziplock freezer bags under their Crocs to keep their feet dry this winter. Just give me a gin & tonic and an Ambien…I’m done already.”

K: “Okay, sweetie…it’s time to go to your happy place. Want to remember Florida with me... through a series of artfully cropped, skillfully composed photographs...depicting warmth, sun and the beauty of nature found in someplace other than a mall in Columbia, Maryland?”

C: “Please. That would be swell.”

K: “You got it, baybee!”

Wishing you the warmest days~

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