Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A (Kind Of) Swan Song

For those of you that know me (I mean, really know me…not internet-think they know me), you know I’m moving.

As in moving.

As in packing.

Up….and out.

All our crap.

I’m NOT having fun….just for the record….in case anyone cares.

And I’m getting emails from Philips Sonicare with the subject line saying “Did you replace your brush head?”

(I’m absolutely serious here.)

….And I’m thinking “Are you kidding me?!”

So. I have 36 unread emails in my general “inbox”. Plus another 45 + 14 in segregated areas of my “inbox”. And, it’s been a whole week since posting here…which is unheard of, for me.

The house won.

It’s House: 1, Kathryn: zero.

Okay??...I’m done.

Me: “This house sucks. It’s sucking the life out of me. I’m literally suffering from dehydration…or, malnutrition…or whatever it is that sucks the life out of you.”

Mortgage Company: “Yeah? Well, welcome to the real world. It sucks, right? What do you expect US to do about it? I mean…it’s not like you’re gonna threaten to stop paying us or anything….are you??”

Me: “Huh. Can I DO that? I mean….I have PROOF I’ve been duped….ripped off….taken to the cleaners, so to speak….”

Mortgage Company: “Well, geez. Our bad. You mean, you were serious when you called us those 8 or 9 times with that teeny problem??”

Me: “Well, duh. I’m dying here.”

Mortgage Company: “Oh. Well, crap…..we thought you were just bored…and…ya know, looking to stir things up a bit when you called….you know, the 'dog days of summer'...yada, yada....we didn’t think you meant it…”

So, we’ve worked out an agreement. Actually, they worked it out with my attorney…after things like “we’ll attach the claim to their estate after they pass on to the great beyond, somewhere down the road” seemed to be their only solution to holding the previous owners accountable for their past deceit fraud knowledgeable treachery issues.

So, I’m packing.

It’s amazing how much crap you can accumulate in a relatively short period of time:

Let’s assess, shall we? Just a small window into this process. I found the candles particularly amusing…I suppose they’ll come in handy if I know of anyone who’s turning 4,671 years old. If anyone has a family member with this birthday milestone approaching, feel free….

I’m also able to (barely) see the humor in those little baggies….three of them, to be exact…all marked with the word “spare” from some unknown origin…all empty. Should I be concerned?

I think not.

These days, I wear the packing tape dispenser like a holster….sit still for too long and you’ll get taped shut and labeled….so consider yourself warned.

I miss the carefree days of summer….

But wait. It’s still August.

To quote Ah-nold: “I’ll be back.”

Count on it.

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