Monday, August 4, 2008

It's the Best of the Worst of the Strangest

Strangest street name seen: “Parents Trace”

I can just hear the Domino’s delivery phone conversation:

“Domino’s, where the pizza’s always fresh and we make it and bring it to you...only now it takes longer than thirty minutes to deliver since people were, like, surprised to learn that 17-year-old guys with brand-new licenses were causing these, like, major pile-ups ‘cause we were driving really fast ‘cause our boss said we could and we’d like, make, extra dollar for every pizza that got there on time.................................................."

Hungry Patron: “Hello? Are you still there?”

“Uh. Domino’s, where the pizza’s always fresh and--------- …”

Hungry Patron: “Yeah, I got that. I’d like a delivery?”

Domino’s Guy: “Address?”

Hungry Patron: “2 Parents Trace.”

DG: “Your parent’s place? What’s the address? Are your parents home? We need someone over the age of 18 to deliver, dude.”

HP: “NO. Parents Trace.”

DG: “Parents Place?”


DG: “Space? Case? Base? Face???”

HP: “NOOOO! Ya know what? Forget it!”

DG: “Thank you for calling Domino’s. Have a good one…, ace.”

HP: “Aaargghhhh*#$!!”

Oddest reason Connor’s given to take a shower: “I have dog pee on my feet.” (I don’t think I wanna know.)

Latest epiphany: Spaghetti sauce doesn’t have to come from a jar. (What is that on the label? It looks like a plumbing pipe to me...)

Other latest epiphany: “Breadbox” has more than one meaning. (Huh.)

Sad realization: Some people think Cloudy Bay tastes bad. (Gasp!)

Happy realization: The above means there’s more Cloudy out there for the rest of us!

Lesser-known stupid fact: Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10th of a calorie.

Lesser-known important fact: There are more plastic flamingos in the United States than real ones.

Funniest sign seen along I-95:

I leave you tonight with yet another wild and wacky video. It involves an individual who mixed cornstarch and water and then placed the metal cookie-sheet on top of a sub-woofer. What possessed him to do this in the first place will remain one of life's greatest mysteries, but I believe it is extremely scary...and further endorses my belief that cooking is best left to the experts, as you never know what you'll turn out.

I'll apologize now to those of you that will actually have to enter my site in order to see it. (You people are getting so spoiled.)


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