Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me?

Can you tell what this is?:

This is Connor (age 11) and I doing the “who’s hand is bigger?” lineup. Never has there been a truer test of how fast our children can grow. (I’m on the left…no pretty manicured nails for this gal…it hinders my lightening-fast typing.)

Connor’s feet have already surpassed mine. And Taylor’s hands? Well, fuggetaboutit. Mine look like a child’s next to his…which is how Connor’s should look, but don’t.

And so begins another episode of “My Children Are Growing Older, But Somehow I’m Not”…brought to you by Clairol….. “Does she, or doesn’t she? What do YOU think, Einstein?!”

At what point does growing older become more of a hazard than something you’re looking forward to? I’m reminded of a George Carlin bit (may he rest in peace) where he talks about how you cannot wait to get older when you’re a kid:

If you’re less than ten years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?”

“I’m four and a half!” (You’re never thirty-six and a half.)

You’re four and a half, going on five.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead:

“How old are you?”

“I’m gonna be 16!” (You could be 13, but hey….you’re gonna be 16…someday.)

Then the greatest day of your life: You BECOME 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony!

But then you TURN 30. Uh-oh….what happened there?? (Makes you sound like spoiled milk…He TURNED…we had to throw him out…)

So. You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Woah! I’m not loving the sound of that.

Then before you know it, you REACH 50…and…where did the time go??

Now, you’re on a roll….looking to MAKE 60….and you’ve built up so much speed, you HIT 70.

And so it goes. No-one prepares us for the warp-speed-time-continuum (or, the “WSTC” for anyone who’s keeping track) that comes into play after the age of around 35…where suddenly days, weeks and even entire months can slip by in what feels alarmingly like the blink of an eye.

There’s nothing more unsettling than writing yourself a reminder note for something, temporarily forgetting about it and then picking it up and realizing that 3 weeks have passed.

Either I’m having too much fun, or I’m the biggest space cadet I know,” I’ll think.

I’m picking the former…..for as long as I possibly can.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing that when you're a kid, time is either going too slow (when you're in school) or you're not even paying attention. I guess that's why kids don't wear watches.
Great post!

Anonymous said...

Some of us are turning 35 next week thankyouverymuch! But I do at least like the ending so you are redeemed in my book.

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