Friday, July 18, 2008

Somewhere....

Someday……
I can’t find my watch. I only have ONE watch, so I’ve got no choice but to find it. How, exactly, can a watch disappear anyway?? It’s not in the shed. It’s not on the front porch.
But…why would it be in one of those places? I put it on this morning…I’m quite certain. I clearly remember checking the time around 2 and realizing I hadn’t eaten…I also recall that lunch consisted of an overripe banana that I attempted to eat whilst driving to the car wash. Have you ever tried to eat an overripe banana?...much less, whilst driving?

Somewhere……
Do not attempt this…as it’s harder than you might imagine. See, the air conditioning unit in the living room/dining room/kitchen area in my money pit home is an antiquated piece of garbage broken, so we’ve only got the ceiling fan to keep the kitchen temperature at a comfortable 88 degrees with a breeze, as opposed to a stifling 88 degrees with no breeze. The last few days, I’ve taken to turning on the a/c in the sunroom and (somewhat ingeniously, in my humble opinion) placing two fans in the door leading into the dining room:


“Why TWO fans?” you ask? (THAT’S the first thing that catches your eye with this picture? Are you kidding me??) Well, logically…two should work better than one, correct? The more pressing question should be: why is there a sliding glass door INSIDE THE HOUSE?

My thoughts exactly. Evidently, the prior owner felt it was imperative that he enclose his back deck into another four-season room, (a “sun”room according to the home’s listing) but did NOT feel it was important to remove the original glass doors.

We’ll find a new way of living…..
Anyway. (I DO have a point.) Due to the increased heat and humidity in the kitchen, you can no longer leave bread or anything perishable out…it all has to go in the fridge.

Except, of course…for the bananas. So, now they go from green to ripe in about 2 days. Needless to say, we’re eating a lot of bananas. Bananas on cereal, bananas in yogurt, banana smoothies….I’d bake something with bananas if it wasn’t so damn hot. I won’t go into graphic detail on the trials and tribulations of eating an overripe banana whilst driving, but I will say this: as you peel it, ya gotta move fast. This is not for the faint of heart and honestly, I don’t even think it tastes all that good. I prefer my fruit less mushy and definitely more firm. (Now that you’ve got that goofy grin on your face, I’m moving on.)

We’ll find a way of forgiving….somewhere….
So, my watch isn’t in the car. I paused to check on Petit-MG before entering the house and noticed that she’s getting very grabby already:



Something that would probably scare me if I didn’t know what a friendly little thang she truly is. Still, I’m assuming that in about a week’s time…if the wind picks up, those wind chimes are gonna be silent. It does make you wonder…how the heck did she know the wind chime was even there?

There’s a place for us….
Of course, I had to call everyone out to see this amazing feat of nature. We sat and talked about what a beautiful night it was and I believe I glanced at the time. Then I received my first mosquito bite and I cursed like a sailor was outta there.

Somewhere, a place for us….

I tripped over the multitude of extension cords that litter the entryway and living room, due to the stupid, crappy non-working a/c and the subsequent need for many, many fans, so that video games can still be played on the big screen teevee. I did not lose my watch when I tripped, but upon checking under the coffee table later (to be sure), I DID find a seven of clubs and a mummified, albeit unopened package of Hot Fudge Pop Tarts, which explains why the dog has been pawing at the table for the last two weeks. (Connor's response? "Oops.")

Peace and quiet and open air….wait for us….somewhere…
I washed the dishes, listening to Freddie and (I assume) Suzie Q…singing their lovesong of froggie-love…then, I jumped at the *CRASH!!* I heard from downstairs….as I run at warp speed…heart in my throat…down the stairs….into the garage…to find Taylor…pinned underneath a metal shelving unit that was (not surprisingly) not anchored properly to the wall…and he’s dazed but otherwise uninjured. I dig him out, dust him off and he shrugs off my offer of Neosporin and bandaids…says he’s fine.

We clean up the mess…the paint cans, the WD-40, the extension cords and broken light bulbs and back inside the house we go…he, back to his computer and me…well, back to mine.

Huh...

I think I’ve just figured out where my watch is….

Anyone want a banana?

LG said...

Kathryn, I don't know whether to laugh or cry, so I'm doing both. How you can extract humor from all this turmoil is totally beyond me.

Post a Comment

Fabulous Insights by Fabulous Readers