Sunday, July 20, 2008

I'll Take Option Deux

I fail to see the harm in temporary amnesia. I think there are occasions where if your only true sanity happens to lie firmly in the throes of insanity, then a trip to your happy place may very well be the only thing standing between you and a long car ride with those men in the clean, white coats.

“They’re coming to take me away, ha-ha….they’re coming to take me away ho-ho…”

Music definitely helps. The fact that my iPod has practically become a part of my body whenever possible is a known fact to anyone who’s tried (unsuccessfully) to reach me by phone, or by repeatedly screaming calling my name from next door…or so I’ve been told.

Now, amnesia can manifest itself in many, many different forms. It is no longer as simplistic as, say, forgetting one’s name, address and current age (although, I am all for instituting the latter part, whether amnesia has actually occurred or not).

(Authors note: At this point, you may picture me as the sexy professor, casually strolling down the centre aisle of this virtual classroom…snug pencil skirt, low-cut blouse and stilettos hopefully distracting most of the male attendees from realizing that I may or may not have any clue what I’m talking about.)

#1: It may mean you turn a deaf ear to anything you do not wish to hear:

…thereby rendering the voice of reason as null and void and endlessly stupid (think same theory as a tree falling in the forest with no-one there to hear it…).

#2: You may prefer turning a blind eye to whatever it is you choose not to see:

…thereby evoking the old tried-and-true mythology of “if I cannot see it, it does not exist”. (This is one of my personal favorites.You should try it. If you close your eyes really tight, it really does go away.)

#3: Finally, there’s the choice to simply mentally “opt-out” (I'm a big fan of this one as well...):

In which case, you may disregard examples #1 and #2, as you’re not really here, anyway…
(I’ll be sure to leave a message after the beep.)

In my case, I’ve evidently played the #2 option a tad longer than Connor (age 11) would have liked. He’d suggested that I might like to take him to the video game store, thus allowing the moths and cobwebs in my wallet a chance to partake in some fresh air, (ha-ha, NOT…now where, pray tell…does this boy get this sharp, cutting wit from anyway??) whilst allowing him to peruse and ultimately find some recently read-about video game to add to his extensive collection of garbage summer entertainment.

I was dressed in my usual weekend-finery…which is limited to the one and only pair of shorts I own, which due to their being made of the same material as high-quality Egyptian 1000-thread-count Four-Seasons Hotel-quality bath towels, also doubles as a hand towel in the event that your every day towels are in the laundry. You would be surprised how handy these shorts have become on linen-laundry day, yessireebob. Many a time I’ve been walking down the hallway, minding my own business, when a series of expletives are heard coming from the hall bath…as I realize that someone is in need of a hand towel where none are to be found as I’ve confiscated each and every my attempt to do a “clean sweep” if you will, so that for approximately 3.45 seconds, EVERY SINGLE TOWEL IN THE ENTIRE HOME IS CLEAN AND APRIL FRESH AT THE SAME TIME! It would never occur to me to replace the matching bath towels with the spare bath towels, as I’m so lightening fast in my laundering practices that surely no-one will even realize they’re gone…much less been laundered at all…( Ultimately, my shorts are just the ticket to dry off said someone's recently washed hands, whether I'd like them to be...or not. (

Anyway. Connor had second thoughts about leaving the house with me in these shorts. Can you imagine? Da gall! When I explained that it was this, or fuggetaboutit, he relented….and then shocked me to my core by offering to accompany me to investigate the possibility of replacing said shorts!!!





I’ll tell you all about it….tomorrow.

If you really wanna know. Do you? Let me know….otherwise, I’ll save my breath.

Anonymous said...

Hello? Where did everybody go?? Kathryn, DO TELL. Inquiring fans definitely want to know. Don't you DARE leave us hanging!

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