Saturday, June 21, 2008

Lucy, You've Got Some 'Splaining To Do

Since I’m an incredibly diplomatic gal, I prefer not to label things…especially at the risk of hurting someone’s feelings. So, how best to describe those moments when I am less than at my most….uh….intellectual? I suppose I could call them my “Lucille Ball Moments”, except it seems that the next generation already has no clue what that means.

Oh, whatever.

Let them come up with their own way to describe those moments in life when you know you’re utterly clueless:

  • I’m rinsing that God-awful-smelling hair-de-frizzer/straightener chemical stuff out of my hair. I’m standing outside the shower, bent completely over at the waist (think: upside-down letter “V”)…more on the "pray-tell-why?" later...(I have my reasons)…rinsing and rinsing, whilst hanging onto the hand-held shower doodle-thingie (that sprays the water…you know) with one hand, other hand flipping the hair this way and that…trying to see if I can keep a smidgen of hair remaining on my head and not going down the drain in some chemically-induced follicle-suicide-freefall…right hip wedged strategically in place to keep me from falling head-first into the shower (it’s a delicate balance, people.) when out of the corner of my eye, I see a long brown ringlet curl. A tight ringlet curl and I’m thinking “Oh, crap! Somehow, this stuff has had the reverse effect and now I’m gonna look like this:

and what am I gonna do NOW?” Then, I realize that what I’m seeing is actually the antenna wire to the shower radio: (Geez.)

  • I’m driving home from….somewhere. It’s a beautiful day…windows are open, beautiful breeze, sunroof showing nothing but clear blue sky. Temp a perfect 70 degrees. But I’m slowly burning up. “What is this? Early Menopause? Fever? Sunstroke?" Now I’m sweating…and I’m closing the windows and putting on the A/C. “Must be one of those tropical heat-index-cortex-phenomenums,” I mumble as I wipe the sweat from my brow. It takes me a good 15 minutes to figure out that I’ve got the heated seat on. (Yikes!)
  • Or the time I dumped an entire uneaten bowl of cereal down the drain…and then remembered that I don’t have a garbage disposal in this house…. (Oh, CRAP.)
  • Then there was the time I couldn’t find the cordless phone for 2 days and it was in the refrigerator…behind a carton of O.J. (FYI: It still worked. It was COLD, but it still worked.)
  • And finally, I’ll never forget being late for an appointment, racing around gathering papers, folders, laptop…I threw everything in the car and then remembered my cell, which was charging in the kitchen. I ran back upstairs, grabbed the phone and a tin of Eclipse mints and ran down the stairs…realizing on the bottom step that the mint box was empty (thanks, Connor), so I hit the garage opener and threw it in the trash and jumped in the car and off I went. I was halfway there when I reached for my phone…and my hand pulled out the empty Eclipse box. (Fortunately, it was NOT garbage pickup day, or I would have been screwed.) (DUH.)

Why share these less-than-stellar moments with you at the risk of even further humiliation? Because we’re all “Lucy” at one time or another…and maybe we need to learn to lighten up and laugh at ourselves a little bit more. What’s the worst that could happen?

Don’t answer that. I don’t think I wanna know….

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