Tuesday, June 17, 2008

If It Ain't Broke...

I’m a huge fan of the “don’t mess with it” mentality. If it works, leave it alone. That is, unless it can be improved upon with a minimal amount of disruption to my life…then…it’s “what are we waiting for”?? I’m also an undeniably gullible sucker for the “hurry up before it’s too late!” marketing scheme…while subscribing to the “just wipe it off and it’ll be fine” line of thinking. Does this make me easy? As in “no muss, no fuss (1)”? Minds out of the gutter, please.

So, to recap…I don’t mind improvement in one’s life as long as it does not majorly inconvenience me, I don’t want to miss an opportunity that may disappear before my very eyes…and I’ve just realized that the “just wipe it off” theory needs to be re-evaluated. As I was typing this last thought, I noticed that the chunk of Jarlsburg I’d cut for myself had strange red, powdered speckles on it…which I summarily half-brushed away and proceeded to eat…giving it nary a second thought. (Don’t judge me…we’ve all done it…right?) Now, I’m realizing on the last bite that the red powder in question may have been errant red chili powder left over from my salmon glaze at lunch, which somehow remained on the cutting board…and now my mouth is officially on FIRE!!!

Excuse me, whilst I invoke the “Emergency Chili-Powder-Response Technique”. Okay….crisis averted…thanks once again to my ever-present Handy-Dandy-Fire-Extinguisher, brought to you by none other than Cloudy Bay.

I’m all for improving one’s environment routine life appearance, but not at the expense of wasting time...or money. Faithful readers will recall that my slowly-deflating-front-tire on my car was the last bane of my existence(2)….but that’s been recently repaired…so we’ve moved on: to HUMIDITY. Say it with me now: “Humidity is now the bane of my existence(2 again).” Not that I’ve ever liked it…I’ve tolerated it…if you will…with the patience one learns to languish on a favored (but pesky) niece or nephew…knowing that as cute/perky/annoying as they can be, they’ll go away in a few hours and leave you alone in peace. They’re just another one of the perks/annoyances that come from having company…(or siblings, for that matter)...so, we put up with them. Same with humidity…it’s part of summer….and, as we all know….I LOVE my summer.

But. Humidity is wreaking havoc on my hair….and this simply WILL NOT DO.

Now, I know everybody wants what they can’t have…but I seriously envy people with baby-fine, soft, straight hair in the summer. Give yourself a good cut and rake those hands through your hair and at least you don’t look like Don King:


…which it what I’ll look like if I do any similar raking. The one good thing I can say about winter is that my hair looks fabulous, dahling. Now, it’s another story….and after 10 straight months of winter, and 10 straight months of raking my hair off my face with it still looking pretty darn fabulous, I’m a bit put-off that I have to give it up.

“Well, it’s part of summer, so just accept it,” you might say. Nuh-uh….it doesn’t work that way…at least…not with me. I am a woman of action. Summer: I’ve got a bone to pick with you(3)…and I’m all hot under the collar about it(4).

So, something must be done. There’s only so much that one person can allow into that dangerous “it’s out of my control, so….live with it” mentality…and this cannot be one of those times. Where there’s a will, there’s a way(5). I’m tired of walking on eggshells(6) around the big white elephant in the middle of the room(7)…when it comes to my unmanageable, humidity-disabled hair. I’m calling in the big guns (think Tom Cruise….only for me, that would be Clinton Kelly ‘cause Tom Cruise doesn’t cut it for me) and maybe Bruce Willis’ Die Hard “yippe-ki-yay, etc, etc” character (again…I’m gonna have to exchange him for Clinton…’cause there’s no comparison in my eyes) …but you know that by whatever means possible, I’m gonna try and take care of this myself…whatever the personal risk cost.

Just a tad dramatic? Maybe. But, until you’ve walked past a mirror and seen my less-than-fabulous hair, you are not in a position to judge....even though misery loves company(8).

I’ve tried the “smoothing” gels/lotions/miracle potions….the latest of which sucked me in with it’s fancy-schmancy dual-layering of magic built right in to the bottle:



This was my final attempt at the more traditional methods of hair de-frizzing….now I’ll be hitting the beauty supply store tomorrow to find out what my Big Gun options are.

It just seems to be….

….that I shouldn’t have to choose….

….between the season I love…

…..and having great hair.

Make no bones about it(9!).

Anonymous said...

Ah, there's a downside to everything, isn't there?

Ellipsis said...

Well, I'm with you. Humidity kills my hair and Clinton's a cutie. If you find a miracle cure for the frizzy-blues, be sure to pass it on. I love how you can seamlessly mesh almost any topic with Clinton Kelly!

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