Friday, May 23, 2008

The Clinton Kelly Crush

The title of this post sounds like a recipe for a refreshing summertime drink. I could seriously make something up…but would you really want to try something edible that I’ve created? Is that really wise?

I think not.

Besides, the man has enough going on these days…he doesn’t have the time to have a drink invented in his name. Although, perhaps a cocktail…something made with gin…he likes gin. It would have to be sleek and sophisticated…just like the man himself. Perhaps something in a nice blue in honor of the eyes? No, ick…I’m still reeling from that Blue Moon Martini I had the other day…I’ve concluded that I’m not a big fan of the brightly-colored drink, so we’ll assume he would agree. (“Nothing that can come back to haunt you if you throw it up,” I can hear him say.)

Okay. In honor of two of my favorite things: Clinton Kelly and summer, may I present…the brand-spankin’-new- recipe for The Clinton Kelly Crush:

2 ozs Gin (Plymouth or Tanqueray, make it the good stuff.)
2 ozs Lemonaide
½ oz key lime juice
5-6 ice cubes

Throw it all in a blender and garnish with watermelon…(because anybody can do lime, dahling):

You can stop laughing any time now. It’s actually quite tasty.

Which brings me (seamlessly, I might add) to my next topic:
The Ice Cream Man.

What has happened to the Ice Cream Man? Or, more specifically…the ice cream TRUCK?

Who was the genius that made the decision that the familiar childhood “jingle-jingle-jingle” sound of the approaching ice cream truck needed an update? I can only assume that pulling on the string to ring the bells was way too much work, given the modern-day profit margin that needs to be achieved by The Ice Cream Trucks of America.

I don’t know what it sounds like in your neck of the woods, but here it’s now some pre-recorded electronic tunes that sound like they originated in some baby-crib-toy, like the “Press-N-Light-Up-N-Go-N-Play-It-Till-You-Think-U’ll-Lose-Ur-Freakin’-Mind” by Fisher-Price. The scariest part is the succession of tinny-songs this van (for I cannot call it a truck, because alas…it is NOT…it is a van that has been painted yellow…and not a sunny-yellow either) plays whilst scouring the neighborhood for unsuspecting sugar-starved children:

The first “song” (I use the term loosely here) I hear off in the distance is “Happy Birthday to You.”

After several versus of this, it transitions into “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”,

which is followed in quick succession by what I believe is “Mandy” by Barry Manilow…

and it finishes the set with what sounds eerily like that tune that goes “Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye…four and twenty blackbirds, baked in a pie”

(another all-time favorite of days gone by…my grandparent’s day, mind you) I’m guessing that the creator of this interesting soundtrack is:

  • Not originally from this country
  • Not likely over the age of 40…or is over the age of 80, respectively
  • Sorely lacking in any kind of musical appreciation
  • Probably not aware that he’s supposed to be stopping periodically

There are no distant frantic shouts of “THE ICE CREAM MAN!! MOMMM!!”…that I wistfully remember from my childhood. I’m not really surprised…what would make a child think of ice cream when they hear some obscure Christmas/Birthday song, followed by the sight of a sickly-yellow van that doesn’t even slow down at the end of the street?

It’s actually pretty funny…watching my neighbor’s face as we both stand at our mailboxes retrieving the day’s delivery (mine the one with the more-than-slight lean)…you can almost see the wheels turning as we try to place that song…we’re singing along in our heads…realization finally dawning…and I see the same grimace on his face that I know is on mine…as we simultaneously realize that now we’re gonna have Barry Manilow running through our heads all night.

Give me the jingle-jingle-jungle any day.

Anonymous said...

Too funny! Love the watermelon garnish!

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