We are all aware that Kathryn does not know her way around a kitchen, no? I mean, ask me where the New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc section is at the liquor store and I’m there before you can finish asking…but the kitchen?? Not so much.
I have a few core things that I’ve made so many times, I can pretty much not screw them up…but they’re
awful inedible rare. I’ve often commented to da boys that no-one’s good at everything and I’d almost convinced Connor (13) that pizza was technically a balanced meal until Taylor (18) declared it a slight exaggeration. I do believe what he actually said was, “Don’t listen to her. She’ll try to convince you that the crust is the bread and the sauce is from tomatoes, so that makes it a fruit and the cheese is dairy and the pepperoni is your meat but it’s lies, man. It’s ALL LIES. She’s been making it up as she goes along.” And then he proceeded to inform Connor that it also wasn’t true that playing video games for more than two hours a day would lead to premature gum disease, tinnitus and the real possibility of early onset male pattern baldness.
Stupid college kids….they think they know everything. I do believe my mom-cred has been severely compromised.
So now, Connor doesn’t know what to believe…but he sure as hell believes that his mother is bewildered and bamboozled when it comes to food. Case in point: My neighbor…a nice retired gentleman, has a small garden. My neighbor does not realize that I’m clueless in the kitchen.
Connor and I come home and find these outside the front door:
Me: “What the hell?”
Connor: “I have no idea. They look diseased. Are they misshapen pumpkins?”
Me: “I’m not sure…but I don’t think so. Where did they come from?"
Connor: "Again...no idea, Mom. Perhaps the grocery store?"
Me: (Rolls eyes) "And what? They walked over to our door? They don't look dirty.What do you think we're supposed to do with them? Are they edible? Or like, for decoration? Are we supposed to leave them here?"
Connor: (Eyes suspiciously)“What do you mean, 'They don't look dirty'? Do you think they came out of the ground?? Whatever they are, I'm not eating them. I probably wouldn't like them anyway.”
So I decided that first I’d have to look them up. I didn't even know what to call them, but I did a search:
Um. No. Nice try though, Google. It’s a shame you can’t read my mind. So, I tried again:
Don’t even get me started on the pipe cleaner images. WTF?? So, I'm all ready to tell Connor that it's of questionable origin and we'd better not risk trying to eat it, lest it's meant to be a festive, non-edible autumnal decoration.
But WAIT! THERE’S SOMETHING!
The description reads, “Pumpkin….butternut. Pear-shaped fruit with light orange skin.” Okay, so I described the shape “light-bulb-like” but still….SCORE!!
After that, I did the only thing I could think to do: I put them in the vegetable crisper…now that I know they’re a vegetable. What I’ll do from there is anyone’s guess....but I felt I'd tackled enough for one day.
But I can promise you that I won’t be planting any of those seeds.