Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Poster Child for Lunacy

I do believe that when life enters free-fall, it can be important to have someone to talk to. I have therefore seized on the opportunity to do another self-interview…because….well, what the hell.

Interviewer-Kathryn: “Wow. I can’t believe I’m sitting across from one of the most unique and talented writers this country has ever witnessed. I feel like I should change out of my flip-flops or something.”

Kathryn: (Frowns) “Oh, please. Don’t go to any trouble. I can see you haven’t, by the way. (Squints at interviewer’s attire) I’m sorry…are you actually wearing a skort?”

I-K: “First of all, this is not about me. And secondly, if you’re asking me if I’ve stumbled upon one of the greatest fashion inventions ever discovered, combining the practicality of the short with the accepted correctness and respectability of the skirt, then yes. It also assures that no matter how I move, you’ll never see my hoo-ha.”

K: “Huh. It’s interesting to note that “Word” does not recognize a skort but has no problem recognizing your hoo-ha. I’ll reserve comment on that for the time being...but rest assured that I'm now going to be unconsciously policing for a possible hoo-ha sighting. What did you want to ask me?”

I-K: (Rustles papers) “Um....uh. How’s it going?”

K: “Eh. I can’t complain…but sometimes I still do. Life’s been good to me so far.”

I-K: “Wow. That’s a great line. You should totally make that into a song or something. So, life is good?”

K: “Well, it’s not without its struggles…but so many people have been dealing with some major, kick-ass crap lately. I feel like I really shouldn’t nitpick…”

I-K: “But you’re going to anyway.”

K: “Uh-huh. I totally suck at time management and I’m (once again) way behind on my blog-related responsibilities and I’m so easily distracted and I thought I was freakin’ losing my mind yesterday…I really honestly did…but it turns out that I’m not. Well not completely, anyway. Like, maybe only 50% losing it. That’s within normal limits, I think. Do you want me to give you an example?”

I-K: “I believe that you just did. No further proof is really necessary. However, if you’d like to hammer in the final nail…”

K: “I would. It’s more of a ‘public service warning’ than anything else. Possibly prevent someone else from thinking they’re losing their marbles.”

I-K: “You could be the next poster child for lunacy. Proceed.”

K: “You know the way we all have our little…habitual ways of doing things? Of course you do. I have this habit of walking around whilst brushing my teeth. Now, I don’t mean a few steps…I’m talking a room-to-room jaunt. It’s amazing what one can accomplish with a mouth full of toothbrush/paste. The other evening however, my toothpaste was nowhere to be found. I finally located it on the counter in da boys’ bathroom. This left me a tad troubled…as I’d no recollection of carrying the toothpaste with me on my previous morning excursion…but I chalked it up to temporary madness and moved on.”

I-K: “Wow. What a fascinating story.”

K: “I’m not done. When it happened again, I couldn’t find my toothpaste anywhere. This is when I began to fear for my sanity. I began to wonder if I was having some sort of mental blackout where I could be brushing my teeth whilst trolling for hot guys in seedy downtown bars wearing glittery false eyelashes, a trench coat, some fishnet stockings and teetering on four-inch hot pink stilettos.”

I-K: “Huh. Why would you think that?”

K: “I found some unexplained glitter on my cheek the other morning. It was the only explanation that made sense. I figured maybe the toothpaste was in the pocket of the trench coat…ya know?”

I-K: “Makes sense to me…but since I’m you, I may not be the best judge.”

K: “Yeah. Only I eventually found the toothpaste in da boys’ medicine cabinet. Turns out, Connor was out and he kept borrowing mine and never thought to put it back…or tell me that he needed more. Turns out, I was not losing my mind…and I am completely normal.

*Blink, Blink*


ValleyWriter said...

Ha! I dunno Kathryn, normal may be a strong word... (but if it makes a difference, I personally don't like normal people - too boring!!)

KellyGrrl said...

I think 50% is definitely within normal limits... And I always go back and sit on my bed while I brush my teeth... I did it once when I was just too tired to stand by the sink and liked it so much - it stuck...

Oh! And I got my book!! Thank you thank you thank you! Can't wait to read it!

Amy said...

LOL - I just forgot what train I was on and got off to make a transfer I didn't need to make... waited 15 minutes to get back on original train line. At least you have a child to blame these things on...

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Kathryn if you're not normal then I am in Serious trouble!
At least you found out where the toothpaste went; usually my stuff disappears and then reappears into/from thin air. And the mystery is never solved, so I just assume I'm going bonkers.

diane rene said...

so glad to hear you are perfectly normal, because you are (of course) what I use to base normal on.

looks like I'm still good :)

Gigi said...

Kathryn, Kathryn, Kathryn. How many times do I have to tell you that you are normal?! Because if you aren't normal - then what does that say about me? As I also wander around the house whilst brushing my teeth (shocking, I know. Our similarities are never ending) and am continually losing things only to discover that Man-Child (whom I'm beginning to think is Conner's clone....) has taken it for his own use.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Yep, completely normal...BTW your seedy downtown bar outfit was very fetching.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

"*Blink Blink*"

You saw me blinking huh? Sorry, couldn't help myself...

A-maz-ing.

You managed to cram toothpaste, Word, AND trench coats/seedy bars all in one post. *applauds*

sage said...

Okay, I have this one vision of you in a skort roaming the house with toothpaste foaming out of the mouth, and then there is the other one with fishnets and heels and, well, thanks for the laughs! You do a good job interviewing yourself. Maybe I should try that sometime.

Slamdunk said...

I see nothing wrong with your toothpaste issue. We solved this problem by stashing toothpaste in every room in the house. Now if I could just do that with television remotes...

Lauren said...

Normal eh? I dunno...

I remember recently feeling like I was losing my sanity. I think that was yesterday... or maybe today. Perhaps both? I lost my ankle brace. Turns out it was on my bed. Go figure. I feel better now thanks to your public service announcement.

Mark Price said...

4 inch heels and fishnet stockings...what was this post about? i seem to have forgotten!

Dorn said...

Too funny. So what are you looking forward to the most? The group therapy or the fuzzy feeling those happy pills give you in your padded room?

Boonie S said...

I kind of never got beyond the hoo-ha....
Great post! Thanks for brightening my day (not that it needed it because I'm quite good fun myself....).
Have a nice day, Boonie

tc said...

Hoo-ha is a well accepted word.
Only you can go to a pair of 4 inch high stilettos to a teenager borrowing your toothpaste. LOL I've only had like 3 hours sleep but I can se all of this perfectly.
My skorts are tan.

Fierce said...

Oh Kathryn, of course you're not crazy! Whatever gave you that *cough* crazy *cough* idea. *Aside to man in white* what did I say about giving her her meds on time?! I gotta do everything myself!

But really, you're not crazy. Just ask your IV.

:)
xoxo

Alicia said...

I tend to drool when I brush my teeth so I can't wander, or maybe I use too much toothpaste? Any way...I gotta remember not to read you at work or if I do to refrain from rolling on the floor laughing at what you wrote. Love that word doesn't think skort is a word but Hoo-ha is?

Carol said...

OMG!! I totally do that! I cannot brush my teeth while standing still! It's kind of a pain because I'm always looking for somewhere to spit but I just can't be still and brush.

Heather said...

I thought I was losing my mind today too, but it turns out that it was the pain meds messing with me. LOL! Thanks for the laughs!

Tinkerschnitzel said...

haha! Love the interview. I lose my mind every day, and yet I'm still sentient enough to comment here. :D

Smileyfreak said...

Losing a mind is so much easier than finding one :)

Jerry said...

So it is possible that I don't have dementia? It is normal for someone of my youthiness?

Jerry said...

So it is possible that I don't have dementia? It is normal for someone of my youthiness?

Jen said...

I'm so behind on the whole blogging/commenting thing too. At least, I know you understand. Love the idea of interviewing yourself. I may have to borrow that.

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