Thursday, July 29, 2010

Swat

"There was an old lady who swallowed a fly~
I don't know why she swallowed the fly.
Perhaps she'll die."

Does anyone remember this song? I have it running through my head right now and I do believe that I can relate to this woman.

(Readers *gasp!* in complete and utter surprise and flabbergas-ted-ness.)

I know it doesn't seem possible. But I'm convinced that if you looked up the ancestral history of Kathrynville, somewhere you might find a photo like this:


(You can practically see the fly's fate written all over his face, can't you?)

Yep. She's definitely someone I can relate to...those exquisite throat-clutching pearls erase any doubt.

For anyone unaware, this old lady does indeed swallow said fly...but she doesn't stop there.

Having an undiagnosed eating disorder, she went on to eat a spider (in a futile attempt to catch the fly) and with no Dr. Phil to talk her down and no Humane Society to protect the animals that most definitely were harmed in the making of this ditty, she then ate (in order, I believe):


  • A bird (so absurd) to catch the spider
  • A cat (fancy that) to catch the bird
  • A dog (what a hog) to catch the cat
  • A goat (just opened her throat) to catch the dog
  • A cow (I don't know how) to catch the goat


This sweet story ends with the lady feeling she had only one option left to her. Leaving millions of children from the 1950's on up to have unexplained, unresolved sociopathic barnyard issues, she succumbed to her disorder...ate a horse and died.

The irony is that instead of people everywhere being appalled by this tragedy and Lifetime doing a movie of the week, (maybe starring that lady who played Edith Bunker...she'd be good, right?)...or maybe someone wanting to turn it into a reality show after the fact, sending questionnaires to unsuspecting members of her family inquiring:

#1) Do you now, or have you ever, had the urge to dine on ever-increasing-in-sized animals in a vain attempt to capture the smaller-sized animal?

#2) If the answer to #1 is no, would you consider trying it for your own reality show? We pay well...and we can assure that you and your family will never go hungry. Ha! Get it? We crack ourselves up.

Hell, I digressed there for a sec.

My point is that instead of this woman receiving some kind of pill along with some talk-therapy, or hell, maybe surgery...everyone watched as she just kept eating larger animals to rid herself of yet another unintended oops. I guess they felt if they intervened, then they wouldn't have this wonderful children's story to tell. Or sing. Or whatever.

Remember, this all started with that stupid fly. She had a little problem...and she unintentionally kept making it bigger and bigger, when all she was trying to do was to keep that fly from wreaking havoc on her very delicate digestive tract.

So the lesson here? When I checked with Dr. Phil for his input, he responded with, "First of all, that fly was protein. But, that's not the point. She needed to understand that the fly buzzing annoyingly around her awoke a much deeper, yet unrecognized eating disorder that would have required years of therapy to truly understand...bring out into the open and to ultimately, resolve."

My take on it? If you have a problem, (i.e.: the fly) try and take care of it before it requires many other steps to fix it.

Oh, and go buy yourself a good fly swatter.

KellyGrrl said...

I like it! Very good advice...

Draea Lael (Rose) said...

Amen, sister...I prefer the animals I eat to be flame-kissed ang bite sized...so much easier to handle.
>.>

<3

Draea Lael (Rose) said...

er, and*

ValleyWriter said...

Sage advice! I hope your little problem gets fixed up in a hurry! (For your sake, and that of the neighborhood animals...)

Vince said...

For want of a nail the shoe was lost..... and all for the want of a horseshoe nail
If you need to clear one of those things out of your mind starting another helps.
And there is nothing like Lara's theme from Doctor Zhivago to clear out any useless ditty.

dailyseeking said...

I will never read that story again; without thinking of this post! Very, very, insightful!

Sir Thomas said...

oh now I have it stuck.... thank you very much!!!!!


*smiles*

HulaBuns said...

This is great! I will always think "what a drama queen" when I hear that song from now on, since I equate drama queens with making a big deal out of nothing and pulling everyone into it unnecessarily.

Great lesson! :)

Gigi said...

Thanks Kathryn!! Do you know how many years that song was stuck in my head since it was MC's favorite as a little guy? Now, it's stuck in my head again!

Of course, I will now use this story to illustrate to a few people I know how being proactive can stop those little things from escalating!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

How you would relate to this woman, I have no clue....unless you wished to swallow a fly, to which I would have to ask-why?

(Now you've got me rhyming. Thank you for that.)

I remember that book too, and I was always a little disturbed...

Straight Guy said...

Same thing applies to lies. Covering a little one requires a bigger one, and on and on... then you just WANT to die.

kathryn said...

KellyGrrl: Thank you. I find that sometimes blogging about it is the only way to release the ear worm.

Draea Lael (Rose) Ha! (I knew what you meant, sweetie) I actually prefer to eat the food without thinking about animals at all, whenever possible.

ValleyWriter: Thank you, my dear. Yes...we wouldn't want to see me crack and start eating any barnyard animals, now would we? It's so...unnecessary. She should've chased that fly with a Xanax.

kathryn said...

Vince: I hear that. I think they're called "brain worms" and they're annoying as hell. The worst part? I woke up this morning with the song "Muskrat Love" stuck in my head. Help.

dailyseeking: Ha! I don't know if that's a good thing or not. You have to admit...it's a very disturbing story. And I guess I figured it should have some kind of hidden message...

Sir Thomas: You're very welcome. (Smiles back) I'm happy to be done with it...it's your problem now.

Lauren said...

This is reminding me of when I was reading Dracula. Renfield the mental patient captured and ate various animals increasing in size. Actually... if I remember correctly, the order is the same as the old woman... THEY MUST BE RELATED! Or a new religion developed and we knew nothing about it until now. I'm going to look into this!

kathryn said...

HulaBuns: Yeah, well....here's a drama queen to the bitter end. How strange is this story/song? And WHY would you want little kids singing it??

Gigi: You're very welcome, my dear. I try to temper my annoying brainworm-regurgitation with a nice lesson that others can pass on. I'm sweet that way. Right?

Oddyoddyo13: It's VERY disturbing! She obviously had some deep-seated issues! And she probably didn't mean to swallow the fly...but then she didn't know how to undo it! I can totally relate!

kathryn said...

Straight Guy: Wow. You are so freakin' wise...I do believe this was the premise behind every I Love Lucy episode.

Christiejolu said...

At the preschool I work at a parent got mad because we sang that song...So I had to change the words to "Perhaps she'll cry"

Gay Guy said...

Jean Stapleton. The lady who played Edith Bunker is Jean Stapleton.

Alicia said...

Why are so many children's poems/stories so violent and scary? I remember one jump rope jingle that went something like this: "Cinderella. Dressed in yella. Went upstairs to kiss her fella. Made a mistake and kissed a snake. How many doctors did it take?"

Was this just a strange foretelling of the many snakes to come that we Cinderellas would come to kiss? Hmmmm, makes one wonder. And you dear Kathryn always make me wonder. Ok, not wondering about you, just wondering about different things your posts bring up in my mind. Another great one!

Missed Periods said...

It all made sense until the goat. Since when do goats eat dogs?

Heather said...

I remember that little old lady and never really gave it much thought before.
It is kinda disturbing that us kids knew this poem.

My flyswatter gets plenty of use!

Dorn said...

I bought a little kid's book of this nursery rhyme for my daughter a couple weeks ago. Like all modern PC versions of the tales of yester year, this one was altered. They still did the whole "I don't know why she swallowed a fly, perhaps she'll die." But in the end, when she "swallowed a horse. She's full of course." It just let me down. My wife just reads it properly to our daughter. "She's dead of course."

I'd not really put the Dr. Phil thought behind her actions. You have a keen insight here.

JD at I Do Things said...

There isn't much I WOULDN'T do to land my own reality show, so the answer is yes.

Also, I'd totally forgotten about this song. Thank you for reminding me?

Now I feel like I have a fly in my throat.

Fierce said...

If I was the lady, I'd be so grossed out by the fact that I ate a fly, that I would simply puke and rid myself of said fly, instead of eating an even more gross spider. But to each his own...

:)
xoxo

kathryn said...

Lauren: Dracula, you say?? Well, we should relay this information to the children, pronto! WTH? It can't be any worse than the ditty itself. If you find evidence of any brain washing, please contact me ASAP.

Christiejolu: YES...I saw that they've got alternative endings...I'm not in the least surprised. There's something wrong with a child happily doing a sing-song with the words "perhaps she'll die". Don't you think?

Gay Guy: Jean Stapleton....riiiight. Thank you, kind sir. Now, can you help me remember the name of the Marilyn Monroe wannabe who had her own show on E! who died last year...and also the name of the nurse's office on campus at college. Both of these have been driving me crazy all day.

kathryn said...

Alicia: Wow....I do not remember that Cinderella jump rope song. I do remember many others, though. And I totally agree...why are there so many morbid children's songs from when we were kids?

Missed Periods: HA! I thought the same thing! Well, not that it ever truly made sense....but yikes. I guess the composer just needed something that rhymed...

Heather: I know. I think we kids sang a LOT of very disturbing songs, without even realizing it.
Amazing how a flyswatter can do the job when nothing else can, right?

TC said...

I never had thought of it quite like than Kathryn....I think some of my ancestors might have wanted to swallow the horse and the cow and that's where I got my appetite though? LOL

BlackLOG said...

I think that's the little old lady that bruised my ribs this week...So sadly I think she survived.

sage said...

Just be glad you grew up American... If in Thailand, the song might end up with an elephant, in Africa a rhino and in Japan a humpback whale... Good post and yes, I do remember the song and it probably is the reason I became so cynical at such a young age...

Jerry said...

I have never heard that song. I think I am a stronger person for it. If I had heard it I figure I would be in psychotherapy right now.

Here I rush back from vacation to read you and you inform me that you are on a fly diet.

Kristy said...

Speaking of history of Kathrynville, I have tagged you in a meme at my site. If you don't groan over memes, come check it out!
http://www.pampersandpinot.com
I am still linking everyone so it will be a few minutes.

kathryn said...

Dorn: I know....I'm wise like that. Yeah, they've got an "I bet she'll cry" version....and heaven forbid she DIE. Dr Phil would have all the singing kiddies seeing a shrink once a week. Morbid stuff!

JD at I Do Things: (Snickers) I'm...sorry? Hey, if you still feel that fly in there, you know what you have to do. And I would totally watch a "JD at I DO THINGS" reality show. Totally.

Fierce: Oh, I love the way you think, girl! Why didn't anyone else think of that? You are a freakin' genius...but then, I've told you this before.

kathryn said...

TC: It's strange that anyone from any generation would even think this way....don't you agree? And hey, if you're gonna go really disturbing, why not make it into a children's song?

BlackLOG: Oh. So, she MOVED....that's what became of her? I guess it's better that you guys are stuck with a cattle-eating, cranky, mildly-disturbed old lady. Good luck with that.

sage: Aw. God, I never even thought of the international implications of such a song! These childhood songs really DID do a number on us, didn't they?

kathryn said...

Jerry: HA! Hey, it's summer....I've got a few pounds to lose....and Dr. Phil claims it's protein. Glad you're back home safe! I'm heading over to your place to say welcome home!

Kristy: Oops. And here it is...the 3rd already. Sorry, sweetie...as usual, I've fallen behind. I'm not posting anything else until I get in all my visits to my peeps! I promise.

Post a Comment

Fabulous Insights by Fabulous Readers