Thursday, July 1, 2010

Retirement Option "C"?



Notice anything…unusual about my inbox? Now, I know everyone wants to feel popular…and interesting…and receiving scads of email tells you that you must have crossed over into some kind of uber-celebrity-dom…for the infinitely admired…right??

In this case, that would be oh so wrong.

I’d run to the post office and left laptop in charge of answering the phones, sterilizing our toothbrushes and walking the dog. That’s all I'd asked…but what did I get? Upon return, I found laptop rebooted…requesting the uber-secret password-code to return me to the place where my now un-saved documents, containing some of my mindless doodling most profound and thought-provoking ideas…used to be.

When I logged onto my desktop, I was informed that windows was kind enough to install some updates it thought I might like (read: not critical) and that after numerous attempts at garnering permission to do so, it took it upon itself to update, install and reboot. After I responded with, “That’s bullshit and you know it” and punched the “okay” box, I could swear I saw a half-second pop-up that said, “Bite me”. I may have imagined it, though.

Regardless. Bill, you’ll be getting my bill in the mail for pain and mental anguish…not to mention the obvious loss of data. Sure, sure…Microsoft Word auto-saves data for just such an occurrence…but that’s because you know it’s your company’s update that’s gonna lose it in the first place. Sneaky, Bill….oh. so. sneaky. Go stand by your mailbox…it’ll be there any minute.


(Bill’s attempting to deflect his responsibility for this debacle by mimicking his precious Windows Update…as it’s calling out to someone….anyone!...the dog, even!...to “Come….see what needs to be done?! Come and authorize this reboot! It’s the only freakin’ way!” You can tell though, that even he’s not really buying it.)

After popping my invoice to Bill in the mailbox, I then opened up my Windows Mail to see if I had any new email messages.

Kathryn: “Huh. It’s taking an awfully long time to authorize and receive these messages. WTF? Oh, there it goes. What?? Receiving one of 406?!? Whaaaat?? HEY!! I MUST’VE GONE VIRAL OR SOMETHING! AM I ON CNN? WILL THIS MEAN A BOOK DEAL? DOES THIS MEAN I CAN STOP COLORING MY OWN HAIR?? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING???”

Then I notice that my Facebook and personal emails are way out of whack as well.

No viral…no book deal…no CNN. They’re dupes of emails already received. From God knows when. Oy.

I check my settings…nothing’s changed. I call Comcast. (I have the number committed to memory)


Comcast recording: “We’re happy you called! Now we need your phone number.”

I punch in my phone number. (Don’t they know my phone number? Don’t they have caller ID?)

Comcast recording: “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that. Please enter your phone number.” (They know my freakin’ number…they’re just doing this to piss me off)

I punch the numbers in again. I push down extra hard for emphasis, so the machine knows I’m MAD.

Comcast recording: “Is this number correct?” (Reads it back to me) “Press 1 if correct.”

I press 1….holding my finger down a little longer than necessary.

Comcast recording: “To verify your account, please enter the last 4-digits of your social security number.”

I do.

Comcast recording: “If trouble with your service, please press 1.”

I do.

Comcast recording: If trouble with your cable television, please press 1. Phone service: 2. High-speed internet: 3.”

I press 3.

Comcast recording: “If you’re interested in participating in a short survey at the end of this call, press 1…otherwise, press 2.”

Me (Muttering): “Oh, don’t tempt me, people. I will call you every single bad word I can think of. Hell, I may even make some up. There aren’t enough curse words in the freakin’ universe to convey my thoughts on your freakin' service…”

Comcast recording: “I’m sorry…I didn’t get that. I’m now transferring you to a customer service representative.”

This is followed by two EAR PIERCING TONES that summarily break my left eardrum. (Great…now I’ve got another invoice to fill out for medical expenses to resume the hearing in my left ear.)

Comcast recording: “We are experiencing unusually large call volume. You may call back at a later time, or hold for the next available representative. Your wait time is approximately...22 minutes.”

Me: “Bite me.”

CLICK.

(The dupes ceased on their own as of yesterday. Now, I just have to figure out what I’ve read and what I haven’t. I may have to invoice someone for my time to accomplish this. I do believe when all is said and done, I may be able to retire comfortably following this event.)

The lesson learned? Don’t go to the post office. No good can come from it.

j.m. neeb said...

Blug?? Typo, or creative genius?

("Creative genius" would not suprise me in the least.)

(I would also not be surprised if you had "Blug Story Ideas" for the Beijing Linux User Group.)

kathryn said...

j.m. neeb: Ha! Yeah, "blug" was intentional. I'm not fond of the name "blog"...it sounds like someone's vomiting to me. And, although blug rhymes with slug, I still prefer it.
That said, I try to be mainstream whenever possible...so I waiver back and forth. Good catch!

ValleyWriter said...

I'm not usually one of those Mac vs. PC people, but I happen to use both (Mac @ work; PC @ home) and I can say that I have never had any of the random Windows-type updates for my Mac. And I've never got the blue screen of death either. In 4 years. Makes you wonder what the heck Billy-boy is doing wrong....

Amy said...

I actually wrote my cable company a letter threatening to have my imaginary lawyer sue them if they didn't stop harassing me about returning some piece of equipment I had left in an old apartment and PAID FOR a year prior. They're all evil. Just taking advantage of our addiction to the Internet and Bravo reality shows to mess with our heads.

Fierce said...

I think Bill just isn't telling us that PCs can think for themselves now. I mean really, who told my laptop that if I wasn't back in 60 minutes it would be okay to restart itself thereby making me lose all my unsaved work. That's just not right I gotta say; really PC, don't be so rude!

:)
xoxo

Kristy said...

Dealing with crap like this is the most life-force sucking out of energy from our bodies that we can ever experience. Ugh.

ComcastCares1 said...

Sorry for the poor experience. Please feel free to reach out to our team at the email provided below. I work for Comcast.

Mark Casem
Comcast Corp.
National Customer Operations
We_can_help@cable.comcast.com

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I knew it! Another conspiracy theory-the post office is out to GET US. Those lines shouldn't be THAT long for nothing.

Its interesting that you actually know how to react to situations like that. I'd just stare at the screen....then I'd call Mom....then we'd call Rob....then he'd fix it...then I'd spend the next two weeks waiting for something to go wrong again.

And then I'd rant about it.

Its a good thing you've got a cooler head. Mine would explode.

sage said...

I've begun investing again in a moleskin notebooks and pens... Your pain makes a funny dialog--at least you get that out of it.

Sir Thomas said...

omg you need help...

you have a lot of work to get done...

Gigi said...

Yeah, Bill! WTH is up with all these freaking automatic update thingy-ma-jigs? MAKE IT STOP NOW!

Currently I am not in love with any machine at the moment after spending all day dealing with a copy machine. Although to be fair - it wasn't the machine...it was the morons that don't know how to use it.

Lauren said...

Well that's what you get... Honestly. That sucks. Have fun sorting... And may your invoices go answered.

Jerry said...

Did you know that you have 653 followers? Well damn! I was kinda' hoping I was special.

You have files for comments and more files for responses to comments? I didn't know you could do that. I'm not even sure why you want to do that. But I'm pretty impressed that you do.

Oh -- now I need to read more to catch up with you.

Tia said...

I have Comcast in my speed dial. It's so sad. That is an awesome sorting/filing system you have there. Very impressive.

Tia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chrissy said...

I have two words for you. Fed Ex

John McElveen said...

This is to long to post--I'll e-mail you--

Blug!

John

Heather said...

Lesson learned...never leave a computer to handle things on their own, they will screw it up everytime.

I hate those update thingy's taking it upon itself to decide what I need.

Love the folder names! LOL!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

OMG, this sounds like a freaking pain in the ass. I am so techno-impaired that I really didn't even get it till you explained.

David said...

Kathryn
You brightening my day. You have Gates and Comcast down to a "T."
David

Vince said...

A very unfortunate stance taken by Gates in that photo. You'd think that the public speaking gurus would have drilled into their charges to never ever ever Ever lift the hand above the shoulder. It's just saying something else.

Collette said...

Ew,comcast. Never had their internet but had the cable for some time & every couple of months someone was ordering $200 worth of porn on our account! We had access cut off from even ordering it & it still kept showing up. Then a rep told me we HAD to pay it first & then they would credit us. BS! We quit them, went with only local channels (UGH) for over a year & got satellite. My internet is thru our phone company.
Have your mail carrier take your mail! We need to keep the post offices open. My hubby works for the USPS. ;)
Hope you have a great holiday (after you figure everything out) (((HUGS)))

kathryn said...

ValleyWriter: Wonder, indeed...Everyone says that about MAC versus PC. I wonder how MAC does manage to keep everyone updated? I mean, it's gotta be done somehow, right?

Amy: I hear you, sweetie. Add to that the frustration that they're often the only game in town...and they've got us by the....well, you know...

Fierce: Well, I think Bill figures we'd be freaked out to learn that our PC's are just humoring us when we tell them what to do. They've got their own agenda from the start. (I hear mine snickering at this right now...)

kathryn said...

Kristy: It's just so....un-necessary...and yet, anything tecchie is always so freakin' complicated. I know it's unreasonable to say this, but....just make it work.

ComcastCares1: Huh. And evidently, Comcast is also listening. I'll make note of your email addy...for what it's worth, my customer svc rep said he'd forward my "claim" on to the specialists who would contact me within 72 hours. It's been 6 days. I'm glad the problem somehow resolved itself on it's own...

Oddyoddyo13: Ha! It's a very bizarre mix of emotions when you see that many emails coming in...kind of surreal. After some investigative work, I realized it re-downloaded every email I'd gotten since I moved. Co-incidence? I. Think. Not. And I DID rant about it....and my head got pretty damn hot!

Kristy said...

Not that you haven't probably already recieved every blogging award under the sun, but I felt so inclined to give you the Versatile Blogger award at my site!

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Late to the conversation, like normal. I'm not ready to move on to MAC. I'm addicted to my MS Publisher. :) Thanks Bill!

Post a Comment

Fabulous Insights by Fabulous Readers