Thursday, July 8, 2010

In My Day...

Oy. I know it’s the age-old argument between parents and their kids: Who has it the roughest?

But still….c’mon! It’s no contest, you little whipper-snappers!

Connor: (13) (Sighs dramatically) “I’m bored. Can Jason come over to hang out today? I just left a message on his cell, so I’m waiting for him to call me back. Can you do that straightening iron thing with my hair? It looks terrible.”

Kathryn: (Fixing Connor with the mom-martyr look….) ((readers yell, “RUN, CONNOR! RUN LIKE THE WIND! DON’T LOOK BACK! THERE’S NO TIME!….LEAVE THE VIDEO GAMES….JUST RUUUUUUN!!!”)) “Well. In my day, I had to use orange juice cans rolled onto my hair to just try and control the frizz...


…and when I got older, we used the clothes iron and a real ironing board to fry, straighten our hair…


…before a big night on the town, dancing and drin- -, I mean…at youth group meetings discussing world events or delivering meals-on-wheels. Now, you kids have your fancy-schmancy ion-powered-straightening irons with their temperature settings and lifetime warrantees. Pish.”

Connor: “Mom. Those look like empty Diet Coke cans to me…and how does she make them stay on her head? And there’s no freakin’ way you slept in those things, so don’t even try...and please tell me you didn’t leave the house looking like that. I’ll bet every time she would lean forward, a little-bitty-bit of Diet Coke trickled out onto her lap…how quaint.”

Kathryn: “’Quaint’? Where did that word come from? And watch your mouth, bud. I didn’t sleep in Diet Coke cans…but I walked to school once or twice with the orange juice cans bobby-pinned to my head till I reached the athletic field in back and then I’d roll ‘em out real quick and hope I didn’t miss one. Totally different thing entirely. I do not recall any drippings.”

Connor: “’Quaint’ replaces ‘interesting’, which was my standard reply when you’d talk to me and I wasn’t really listening but realized the lull in the conversation meant you were waiting for a response from me. Dammit. Now you’ll have to live with it until I can think up a new one. What’s a bobby-pin?”

Kathryn: (Frowns) “Language, dammit. The bobby-pin is irrelevant…I doubt you’ll need one. At least, not for your hair…although there are many other uses, Lady MacGyver Grasshopper-Son. But that’s for another conversation.”

Connor: (Rolls eyes) “Huh. Quaint. Can I go now?”

Kathryn: “Sure. Oh, one more thing…we had to use rubber bands to make our pony tails…


…none of this gentle, ‘no pull, no damage’ crap. And when you took ‘em out, you had a big tangled clump of your hair that came out with it. It freakin’ hurt. I just thought I’d mention that, in light of this news item I found whilst Googling ponytail holders”:


According to Snopes, (my immediate go-to for all things questionable in their validity and gross-ness factor) this story is true. Some lady must’ve worn out her band and wondered why the inside was a different color and texture than the outside and decided to investigate. No-one seems to be able to validate whether the condoms were actually previously used…or simply rejects from the manufacturer due to their possible….ineffectiveness….not that it really matters all that much. I mean, ew.

I’d like to say that I’ve no further comment on the above…but the Lady MacGyver in me is picturing a windy day….lost in the middle of a forest…fly-away hair…and no handy way to pull it back….

Nope. I think I’d rather tear off the hem of my blouse as a tourniquet …use a shoelace….or, hell…spend several hours weaving some unknown vine together to fashion a makeshift hair band to do the trick.

But knowing my luck…the vine I’d pick would be poison ivy…

KellyGrrl said...

Condom hair ties? Ew. Just Ew.

Amy said...

Ewwwwww... I'm suddenly feeling less embarrassed of the time I had to tie my hair back with a shoelace from the YMCA lost and found. Nah, still makes me shudder :-/

Fierce said...

Ok gross. That's just nasty. Did I mention gross? Nasty! *smh* I wonder who came up with that. Too bad I actually need my hair ties, I'd take them all apart ASAP (there's also the thought that I do not actually live in China). But really Kathryn, poison ivy in your hair? Or possible STD?

:)
xoxo

Alicia said...

My co-worker & I were just trying to figure out how they gather; or rather, where they gather these used comdoms?

Do they wander house to house & pick them up like they did with glass milk bottles in the olden days? (Yes...I really am that old!) Or do the users of said condoms save them up in some type of container & then take them into the store & refund them like we used to do with empty glass pop bottles? (Yes...again, I really am that old!)

I best just stop wondering about this cause not only am I not seeing any use of condoms at all at my house but I'm starting to feel pretty darn old!!!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Oh no. Not the "in my day we had it worse..." speech. I've heard that a few times. Or a million. I lost count. (Just kidding. But I do get it..)

So you heard me yelling at Connor to run huh? Didn't think I was that loud...

Really though? Soda cans? You have to admit, that's kind of strange.

Kristy said...

What about the jelly shoes that melted onto our feet?!

KyaLyn said...

OMG! I have to go home now and check my hair ties. >.<

John McElveen said...

Gives new meaning to the term Rubber-necking, doesn't it.

Great Great stuff- kathryn--and by stuff!- I mean your work! Awesome.

John

Gigi said...

Ewww! Condoms? In your hair? Where do you find this sh.... I mean stuff?

Kimberly said...

I remember seeing the "condoms in hair ties" thing a while back. Eeeuuuwww!

Love those pop cans in the hair. Really? People did that?! :)

We've certainly come a long way!

:)

Christiejolu said...

I am so never going to buy hair bands from China...EWWW! I love these conversations with Teens!

Alan W. Davidson said...

Hmm...condom hair bands. Kind of makes you wonder what all them happy meal, little give away toys at McD's are manufactured from...

My boy's not into hair straightening irons, he's more a facial cleanser kind 'a guy.

Lauren said...

Are ya planning on getting lost in the forest with male company? It's a crafty plan. Don't deny it, why else would you have a condom and not an elastic? I'm on to you... OH! Is it to protect your shoes in case it's muddy? Wait... you'd need two!

Chrissy said...

OMG, that's so disgusting!

My co-worker's friend called her at work today, "i'm BORED!". Oh to switch places with him for a day...

diane rene said...

I have a mad case of the giggles over here, only because that discussion happens once weekly in my house.

not the condom hairband thing, tho I did run across that snopes article on it and I now use those nasty plastic hairbands that are good for a one time use and then I toss them ... if I am lucky enough to get it IN the child's hair without it snapping between my teeth and leaving me a bright red welt on my lip for the better part of a day ... but I consider it a hazard of raising 3 girls.

what was I saying again? oh never mind, it would take too long to look back over it on my slow oh-so-10 years ago computer :::sigh:::

you always make me laugh tho ;)

Slamdunk said...

Man, that is recycling at its worst.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Well arent' these some fun facts? Hey, I did sleep in curlers. And sit under one of those big hairdryers that my mother had in a box with tubing and a cap that filled with air.
These kids don't know how good they have it. With this heat wave my youngest is soo whiney. We don't have air conditioning (hello, we live on an island in New England...) and the seventeen fans I have around for her aren't good enough. In my day my mother sent us to the basement in our underwear during a NJ heatwave to play. It was the coolest spot in the house, right? Okay, now I guess I better blog about that...

A Daft Scots Lass said...

fabric hairbands...http://www.lucynotions.com/

Vince said...

Ahhhhhh, so that's the why in the 80s the girls hated you putting your hand on their hair. Any other part of them was fine but they would bite your hand if they saw you reaching for the hair.

Vince said...

Ahhhhhh, so that's the why in the 80s the girls hated you putting your hand on their hair. Any other part of them was fine but they would bite your hand if they saw you reaching for the hair.

Boomer Pie said...

Well, maybe their hair won't get pregnant. Talk about recycling! Love your blog and I signed up to follow. Now fix me a Margarita and I'll join you on that inviting deck at the top of your page. Oh and if you're hungry for pie, stop by my place.

Wendy Blum said...

Hey, my mom used to use the cans in her hair and the real iron, too.
I'm thinking since the pony tail holders are made of recycled condoms in China and their population is HUGE, perhaps instead of using the recycled rubbers, pun intended, for their hair they should have the men in China wrap a few of those bands around their penises. No circulation could equal less births. And lots of rainbow colors for everyone to choose from. Just a thought ;)

Selina Kingston said...

You have such interesting conversations with your son! My boy is far more monosyllabic than that....but I do get the eye roll a lot!!

Spot said...

At least Connor tried and you get "quaint", when Sean's tired of listening to me (approximately 3.2 seconds after I open my mouth) he shouts "spaceships". It's a little disconcerting to say the least.

And um. Eeeewww! Gross! I'm so never buying hairbands from the chinese again.

Thanks for the giggle!
♥Spot

Climb2Nowhere said...

You're a hilarious mom! Honestly I'm only using hair clips for the rest of my life...used condoms!!!

Jerry said...

We once used my wife's hairbow (at least that is what we called the rubber bandy thing with a plastic bow on it) to patch up my broken windshield wiper so we could make it to the next town.

I am glad that you and Connor can sit and talk frankly about condoms...in whatever context.

kathryn said...

KellyGrrl: I know. I thought it had to be a joke. It's not.
Bleck.

Amy: "EW" is right. Hey, I'm sure there were no germs in that YMCA shoelace...just some street dirt at worst. I wish someone would invent a fashionable bracelet that could double as a hair-holder.

Fierce: I know, sweetie. Nasty, utterly gross. Okay, all I'm saying is that if one of your hair ties starts to fray, THROW IT AWAY. That's all I'm saying...

kathryn said...

Alicia: Oh, honey! You're a riot! I honestly don't think they were used...'cause you're right...what are they doing? Picking 'em out of the sewer?? Sometimes, I guess it's best to just not think about it too much. Hey, WE had a milk box when I was little!

Oddyoddyo13: Well, the soda cans are evidently a "new" thing. We used the smaller frozen OJ cans and you had to take the top and the bottom off so you could stick the bobby pins in. Now, the Diet Coke thing just looks stupid. And yes...Connor heard you yell...as did I! But, not quick enough!!

Kristy: What?? Why am I not remembering THAT? Did we have to get them surgically removed?? Soak 'em in hot water? What??

kathryn said...

KyaLyn: Ha! Maybe it would be better if you didn't! I've decided to simply keep an eye on mine and if they start looking weird, out they go! Oh, and maybe I'll sterilize 'em as well...

John McElveen: HA! Good one! I'll always fondly think of YOU now whenever I hear the expression "rubber necking"! Thanks, my friend!

Gigi: I DON'T KNOW. I didn't MEAN to find it...just wanted a normal photo of hair ties! Hey, don't shoot the messenger!!

kathryn said...

Kimberly: Honey, I think the pop-can-in-the-hair-thing may be a NEW trend....those photos didn't look old to me...and there were quite a few to choose from. Maybe a new fad? I like the new photo, sweetie!

Christiejolu: Yeah, teens are a hoot. And those hair things were a surprise to me! I suppose it's all in how they spin it, though...I mean, if they're CLEAN rubbers, then it's just the same material as they USE for 'em, ya know?? Still...can't be good for business.

Alan W. Davidson: Well, good for him. With all that teen acne, a good facial can do wonders....and we should probably keep our pondering abt Micky D's Happy Meals to ourselves...we're liable to start complete panic!

kathryn said...

Lauren: Yeah...yeah....that's it. Baggies to protect my Louboutins from the rain in the forest. Actually, I DO keep those free umbrella bags they sometimes give away in the office complex lobbies...I'm sure I could whip up a hammock and a slingshot with a couple of those....

Chrissy: I know, sweetie. It's so hard to imagine ever having been bored...I cannot imagine the last time I was...unless it was in some meeting...or a boring conversation maybe?

diane rene: Aw. Well, thanks for the compliment...even if you did digress on your point! OUCH...that welt's gotta hurt! I can't believe there isn't another option between pain and condom-based hair products!

kathryn said...

Slamdunk: I agree! And some of the photos when I Googled gave the impression that it's kind of a "look". God, I hope I understood that wrong!

Maureen@IslandRoar: It's so true. They've no idea how far we've come when it comes to their physical comfort and ways to make their appearance close to flawless. Yet, I know they'll never truly understand...as I guess we didn't either when our parents told US!

A Daft Scots Lass: Is this your way of suggesting that we all make our own hair ties??

kathryn said...

Vince: Well, we know where those hands have been, honey. Like I said, boys are not exactly known for having the *best* hygiene...can you blame us??

Boomer Pie: Yummy...and welcome! I'd love me a slice of key lime pie to go along with that Margarita, please. Then we'll sit back and look for whales...or watch people fall over on those para sails...

Wendy Blum: Ha! I like the way you think! I do believe we should compose a proposal to China and send it out first thing in the morning! Let's get right on that!

kathryn said...

Selina Kingston: Oh, yeah. That unrelenting eyeroll...it's practically a given. Connor knows he can debate me on just about anything...he just can't help himself sometimes!

Spot: "Spaceships"?? Seriously? No wonder it's a little disconcerting! Has he ever considered making it a little less...obvious...that he's not interested in what you're saying? Just a thought, Sean....

Climb2Nowhere: Ha! Just use those bobby-pins, paper clips (yeah, they work in a jam..right Nerdy Nomad?) and if you get desperate, just stick some honey in your hair and make it stick to itself! Desperate times, right??

kathryn said...

Jerry: Aw....so you've definitely got some MacGyver in you, huh? And I'll bet that wiper blade looked so...fashionable. Maybe you could have started a trend....that's how they happen, ya know.

As for the condom talk...oh, god...please...not yet!

Heather said...

I totally lost all the great things I was going to say..when I saw those condom hair ties! Gross!!!!!!!!

kathryn said...

Heather: HA! I know....I lost all train of thought when I found that article! Good thing it was at the END of my post, right??

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