Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Ruthless Rain

Since it’s been raining non-stop for 94 days 94 hours , a really long time, I thought I’d take this opportunity to talk about some things we associate with rain. And to help me, I’ve invited Bill Nye the Science Guy:

Bill Nye the Science Guy: “Wow….me? I’m…I’m…flabbergasted…and honored to be asked. I mean, to be among the greats like Bill Gates and Oprah- - -"

Kathryn: “Yeah...they were unavailable. Let’s move on to discussing the rainy weather, shall we? This first photo comes to us from…well, me. I took it whilst driving, so it’s all sorts of random...but that’s okay. It’s an interesting cloud formation…scientific name 'FluffyPuffious-FilledWithRainiousOverMyHeadious'. Bill? Comments?”

BNTSG: “Um. Well. Is it safe to take photos with your cell while driving? And that’s not technically the scientific name for any cloud. I think you mean-"

Kathryn: “Thanks, Bill! Pick up the pace a little, buddy. Our readers haven’t got all day. This particular bug, called a slug with the scientific name (shoots Bill withering look) 'SquishyEwDon’tStepOnItGross-isitis':

…is indigenous to areas that receive a lot of rain.”

BNTSG: “Nice use of the word ‘indigenous’.”

Kathryn: “Thanks. I know my words, ya know. Another animal that loves the rain would be our friend the duck, who I’d previously named Muk…scientific name (shoots another withering look) 'DuckSaysWTF?!':

Now, flowers looooove the rain. Take for example, these 'TulipFlipMotherNatureTheBirdTimesTree-it isssss'...although, I do believe the sun is out in this shot. I think we've got some 'FakeRainWhataFreakin'Rip-off-osiosis' here, people...":

BNTSG: “Now, we humans are not as fond of Mother Nature’s mizzly spritzing as our friends in the animal/plant families…”

Kathryn: “That’s right, Bill.” (Whispers, “Mizzly spritzing? Seriously??”) “Hair frizz (‘GeezMyHairLooksLikeCrapiositis’) is the number one reason that people resort to buying wigs…or…wearing hats….as seen by this photo of Thelma Coolidge, circa 1883”:

BNTSG: (Whispers) “Wow. That photo’s from 1883?”

Kathryn: (Whispers back) “I have no idea. I found it online.”

BNTSG: “Fortunately for us, we have a variety of rain-gear-attire to choose from…”:

Kathryn: “Including the ‘Bizarr-oWhatWereTheyThinkingNeedaPedicureSTAT-iosis” line of footwear:

“Followed by the ‘CowsLiketheRain'CauseTheyLoseAllThosePeskyFlies-isistis’-inspired line of footwear”:


Kathryn: “Seriously? Of course, some people simply take it too far, as seen here in this classic example of ‘We’reInCompleteDenialAndThinkWeLookHOT-isitis’ gone horribly, terribly wrong on SO many levels”:

BNTSG: “Wow. Check out those socks…”

Kathryn: “I doubt anyone’s looking at their socks. For those who prefer to be rained on indoors, there’s the ‘BigRipoffYouCouldGetThisForFreeOusideYouSchmuck-ilionica’ method of getting your drippy-drip fix...

...which brings us to the poetry portion of our show…”

BNTSG: (Confused) “Poetry? No-one said anything about poetry. I’m not prepared…”

Kathryn: “It’s okay. I’ve got it covered” (Clears her throat…folds her hands delicately):

When it starts to rain~
Some people feel pain~
In their joints~
Though it’s hard to…pinpoint~

The rain makes everything nice and green~
Like a brand new piece of spearmint Dentene~
The rain falling down can lull you to sleep~
Or make you depressed…and then you might weep~
And wonder whatever became of the sun~
And consider relocating and raising bison~

For wonder not what became of...Cousteau~
Just glance at the sky for a pretty rainbow!

The crowd bursts into thunderous applause. Amidst shouts of “ENCORE! and GENIUS!!!”, Kathryn concludes that her words have touched many lives…and that all this talk of rain means she needs to pee.

Here’s to dancing in the rain!

Momma Fargo said...

OMG! That was the funniest thing I have read. Bravo! You are awesome. I think I peed my pants. LMAO!

Spot said...

I really like those see through stripper boots!! Not so much the underwear clad middle aged couple. Ew.

Very funny and oh-so-scientific post!

Gigi said...

Wow. Those shoes and rain-gear just leave me speechless....although I do recognize that hair-do as mine tends to act like that in the rain...

Anonymous said...

Haha..it's been ages since I've heard of BNTSG. I remember watching his videos as a kid though. XD And I'm sorry...but you couldn't pay me enough to that see through shit that couple is wearing. XD

Kristy @Loveandblasphemy said...

The frizzy hair lady and the underwear people remind me of a greeting card I once saw. Picture frizzy hair lady on the front of the card, and this is the text inside, "Sarah always worried what people thought about her thick ankles. Fortunately, nobody ever noticed."

Kelly@MentalGarbage said...

"DuckSaysWTF?!" HAHAHAHAHA!!! That cracked me up :-)

carissa said...

THere is so much about this post that I love! But mostly the fact that it features Bill Nye, oh and your poetry. Loves!s

diane rene said...

entertainment and education all wrapped up into one great post! I can't thank you enough :)

Amber Lea Easton said...

I love the photos! Those cow boots are disgusting. Who would ever wear such a thing? Seriously, even a supermodel would look hideous in those things. And those rain ponchos made me laugh! Wow. (of course I am typing this comment wearing velcro rollers in my hair, an ancient Disneyland sweatshirt circa 1986 and sweat pants with holes in the knees so I am not exactly fashion-forward myself! LOL).

Momiji chan said...

i like those boots XD there something i would wear with my white stuff that i dont have a pair of shoes to wear worth a darn with * puff puff* ok sorry i am still righting poems and i got up look at and see what you think of it darn it im starting to rythem in my speech now i know im getting addicted ha ha

kathryn said...

Momma Fargo: HA! Oh, I'm glad! My goal was to knock one out of the park... I'll consider it a success!

Spot: Thanks, sweetie! So, am I getting you those stripper-boots for Christmas? What if Chrissy wants the same pair? You'll have to get back to me on this.

Gigi: My hair too! See? Just another thing we have in common! Gee...I wonder how the hair, the clear raincoat and the boots would go together??

Anonymous said...

Hey, I just *saw* BNTSG in bio today. He sure moves quickly. And you never told me you had such an inspiring way with words, Kathryn. That was priceless! Score!


kathryn said...

Gavin: I'm with you, sweets! Some things are better left to the imagination...(this is obviously something that couple knows nothing about.)

Kristy: HA! What a great card! And the fact that you never forgot it is priceless! Poor Sarah!

KellyGrrl: HA! I'm glad you liked it! That was one of my favorite parts!!

kathryn said...

carissa: Hey you! Ya like my poetry? See? I can totally do that hoity-toity stuff, right??

diane rene: Ha! You're welcome! Gotta keep it entertaining...whilst throwing in some education when no-one's looking...um, or expecting it!

Moxie Girl aka Amber Lea Easton: Ha! And yet, I'd rather see YOU in THAT ensemble walking down the street than the couple pictured above! HA!

kathryn said...

uo-chan: HAha! Rhyming is never a bad thing, sweetie! I'm stopping by now...

kathryn said...

Fierce: Wow...that guy really does get around, eh? I'm wicked with poems, right? Sometimes, I feel left out, with all of the amazing poets out there...so this was my tribute to all of them.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

LOL! This was so brilliant. I have to admit, I've never liked BNTSG. He's okay....but I've seen a few of his videos one too many times.

Loved your scientific names! I'll be looking a few of them up in the dictionary....

Carol said...

I can't believe Bill didn't know the scientific name of those things. Really, Kathryn, he has his own show and you are educating him? Who do I write to? This must be rectified!

Heather said...

That was great and super funny! Hope it stops raining soon.

Jenny said...

Okay, so um, Miss Coolidge or whatever her name is up there? Stole my 4th grade look, man. I swear I had an almost identical picture to that except that instead of wearing 17 layers of dress and a corset, I am wearing my rockin purple bathing suit with multi colored stripes and standing in the surf of the Gulf Coast.

But the hair? Ohhhh, the hair. Don't make me relive it.

Runnergirl said...

I have no words.

BlackLOG said...

I think the main problem with the couple in matching socks and underwear is their failure to follow through and get matching umbrellas....A fatal fashion floor - (Does it show that I recently had a guest spot on a fashion blog)

JennyMac said...

I hope the sun finds you soon. I havent seen a slug since I moved from Seattle. LOL.

And seriously? The cow hooves turned shoe? YIKES. haha.

Bernadine said...

Hi Kath

Yes... the rain. We had a long weekend (4 days like easter) and it rained from Friday throught to yesterday. Thank goodness the sun is shining today at least. :) I know we need the rain, but 4 days straight.... Now suddenly winter is upon us, because I was wearing short sleeves on Friday and today I had to dug out my winter willies.

You should have a nice day Kath. Oh and that couple... let me rather just keep quiet to what's going on in my mind when I saw that pic.... :)

Felicity Grace Terry said...

What an image to leave us with - that couple in the rain coats, as you say it was the socks that did it. As always, another reason to laugh out loud, a great post.

Daily Panic said...

I love it you made Bill a little uncomfortable- I laughed so hard- LOVE'n your scientific names!

Daily Panic said...

Oh and I am sooooo a GLEEK! I rewatch the episodes over and over!

Alan W. Davidson said...

That was wicked funny, Kathry![wipes tear from eye]. Speaking of wicked...that's some hair on Thelma Coolidge.

brite said...

*sings the 'rain rain go away song for you*
Although, those hooker boots are awesome!

cody said...

Hilarious! But...that couple in the rain suits...I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

You never cease to amaze me~!
I love Bill Nye, btw. However did you know? And how the hell did you get that photo of me in my see-thru rain gear??!!?

Viv said...

Where did you find that picture of ME all dressed up and posing for an oil painting?? Sheesh I hate it when my hair frizzes like that- too bad they didn't have flat irons back then.

Lauren said...

Ummm... wow. Looks like I'm not the only one with frizzy hair in humidity... I USED TO WATCH BILL NYE ALL THE TIME! Wonder if that show still plays somewhere...

kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13: Ha! I was actually watching some bug show on some scientific channel and they kept flashing the scientific names for mosquitoes and ants and bees...and that got me to thinking....!

Carol: Ha! I know...and he acts like such a know-it-all, right?? It just goes to show that everyone can learn something.....from me. (!)

Heather: Thanks, sweetie! Today, it's gorgeous...and dry! Whee!

kathryn said...

Jenny: Oh, honey! I totally feel your pain! Anyone who's ever dealt with the frizz knows how traumatic it can be, especially when it's coupled with being an impressionable youngster. But boy...you sure grew into some gorgeous, flow-y locks!

Runnergirl: Ha! I can't decide if that's good...or not? A writer with no words??

BlackLOG: Seriously? That's what you see being wrong with this couple? What a fashion-forward eye you have, mister! I'm heading over to your place. Is that other blog still standing?

kathryn said...

JennyMac: I know. I find it hard to believe even the cows would approve of this fashion faux-pas...only another cow would think they're actually sex-ay...

Bernadine: Ha! I know...that couple is pretty wild, right? I'm sorry your whole weekend was rained out...that's a bummer. It could warm up again, you know. We've started at 40 degrees and tomorrow till be in the 80's!

...Petty Witter: Thanks, sweetie. I know...the socks are the only thing in their ensemble that isn't transparent!

kathryn said...

Daily Panic: Thank you! I was inspired to get all scientific...maybe partially to put BNTSG in his place. You saw my tweet on GLEE? I'm totally HOOKED!

Alan W. Davidson: HA! I'm so glad you liked it! I know re: Thelma's hair...could you imagine trying to get a comb through it?

brite: Everybody likes the hooker boots! Heaven forbid we see those boots on some poor, unsuspecting relative of ours...they'll never hear the end of it!

kathryn said...

cody: Uh-huh...I'm thinking you're not the only one! It's always funny to post about the random, oddball hits that come up on Google, ya know?

Maureen@Islandroar: Hey, sweets! Welcome home! Don't you remember my asking permission when you were in Florida on your 2nd (or was it 3rd) bloody mary? Hmmm?

Viv: Oh, that is so not you! I can see you have beautiful hair! From the looks of Thelma's hair, they evidently didn't have combs back then, either...or barrettes, or ponytail holders.

Lauren: I'm SURE you can find BNTSG...if you wish really hard and surf every single freakin' channel during the day while the kids are supposed to be in school. Right?

Jerry said...

I like the duck.

The poetry was pretty good but I like the duck best.

Look back at the duck pic. That is a ducky reaction to your poem.

But don't get me wrong -- I loved the poem...just loved the duck a tiny bit better.

wendy said...

Love it when you go scientific on us. Bill Nye ain't got nothin on you!
Next time you want to borrow my fab fantastic farm footware, please ASK first! I was invited to a party at Old MacDonald's the other evening and instead of wearing my Cow Booties, I was stuck wearing my plain old black strappy heels. The pigs made fun of me until I told them what happened to the piggies on your blog. Stopped there snooty oinking in a hurry!
Your poetry is great. Love the line about spearmint dentyne. Priceless ;)
Great post!

Alicia said...

You are really too much...lol. I love this post and all the cool pics. I'm sure by now it's stopped raining right?

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