Saturday, December 26, 2009

Ow.

Ow…..ow…..ow…

Merry….(ow)….Happy…..(crap)….day after Christmas! (oompf)

I trust everyone had a lovely (oh…) holiday…filled with lots of family, good food and plenty of laughs.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………...........................

Clinton Kelly (IV-for-every-season): “Kathryn? What the hell? What’s with the moaning and the groaning? I’d think you could be a little bit more festive with the holiday wishes…”

Kathryn: “Can’t. In too much pain. Can’t you see it all over my face? Wait. I’ll turn around, so you can see the lightning bolts on my lower back…that usually depicts pain on the commercials, right?”

CK: (Frowns) “What? What’s happened to you? You look positively dreadful.”

K: (Grimaces) “Why, thank you kind sir…that helps a lot. Evidently, I’ve become one of those 'I threw my back out' people. I’ve never been one of those people…prided myself on it, actually…nary a back-related-issue in my whole entire life…even though a psychic I visited 15 years ago said I’d have back issues. What the hell was his name? I think it was Raymond-something…”

CK: “What? You what? What did you do? And how did you do it? You’re a poster child for walking run-on sentences and off-topic ramblings. Focus, kiddo.”

K: “Ow. I was moving a plant…actually, I wasn’t so much moving it as re-positioning it…and I was leaning over the dining room table to do it. BIG MISTAKE, by the way.”

CK: “Oh my God….you’re not making any sense. Can you possibly explain in a more…comprehensory fashion?”

K: “Even in my dangerously-fragile state, I know that is not a word. However, I’m getting the gist of what you’re asking. I was cleaning…seriously cleaning. It was on the calendar for today, see? December 26th…clean whole, entire house.”

CK: “Duly noted. Let the record show that it is, in fact, on said calendar. Proceed.”

K: “Thank you, your honor. I was dusting the dining room table, when I noticed the banana- tree-plant was not seated properly in its draining-tray-thingie. The plant is in a clay pot, so it is ‘specially heavy. I then attempted to re-seat said banana-tree-plant and that is when the lightening-bolt injury occurred. My life flashed before my eyes and I swear I saw my deceased grandmother.”

CK: “That’s your dramatic way of saying it hurt like hell?”

K: “Worse. I thought I was gonna ‘meet my maker’…’buy the farm’, if you will…”

CK: “So, it hurt like hell?”

K: “Yeah…pretty much.”

CK: “So…you did…what? Called 9-1-1? Bathed the affected area with ice? Said a prayer? What?”

K: “I did a belated yoga-inspired-stretch and tried to walk it off….ya know, like a guy does when he’s kicked in the nuts.”

CK: “Okay…seriously…not the same thing.”

K: “No…this hurts much worse. I feel like someone’s stabbing a knife into my back…stabbing…and stabbing and STABBING. (Mimics psycho-stabbing-knife scene) Can you get me a refill please?”

CK: “Do you really think you should be mixing alcohol with that muscle relaxant you took 30 minutes ago?”

K: “What? So, now you’re a doctor? I’m dying here…I was right in the middle of six loads of laundry and now I’m navigating the stairs like I’m an 90-year-old lady who’s nine-months pregnant. Picture it…it’s not pretty.”

CK: “Okay…that is unsettling on so many levels. So, what happens now?”

K: “I’m blogging. What do you mean ‘what happens now’? I go to sleep and when I wake up, it has to be gone. Just a blip, my friend…I’m not turning into one of those ‘my back just went out’ kinda people. Nuh-uh…not doing it.”

CK: “I see…want me to help you into bed?”

K: (Whimpers) “Yeah…I think I’d like that epidural now, Dr. Kelly…”



Alicia said...

Poor Kathryn. Do you think maybe the fall down the stairs might have damaged something that caused you to be come one of those "my back just went out" kinda people?

You should have that checked and thanks so much for the 411 on Cloudy. No matter what Clinton thinks I think thats what you need. Take care and hope you feel better soon.

Lou said...

Feel better soon Kathryn.

Gavin said...

Aww. I hope you feel better soon, Kathyrn. That doesn't sound fun at all. -hugs- I've never hurt my back that badly before, but I have broken a few ribs and various other bones.

p.s and yes, I'm trying to be sympathetic but it's hard when you word it so hilariously. XD

Fierce said...

I'd have thought the concept of having Clinton as your doctor would have whipped that-there back right into shape... not that Clinton isn't caring and all he's just not... how do I say this... a DOCTOR!!! of any kind!
I do hope you feel better and, doctor or not, I think I have to agree with Clinton. I really don't think you should mix alcohol with pain... much.
;)
xoxo

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Oh no! Hope you feel better for the New year's throw down...

P.S. muscle relaxant and alcohol, sounds like fun... wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeee....

Jenny said...

Owwwwwwww! Be gone pain! It better be gone in the a.m. as back-throwing-outing will not be tolerated.

Hoping it's back to new soon!

Allegria said...

Oh ow, Kathryn. I do hope you feel better soon. I've never thrown my back out, per say, but I tried moving some risers off a stage onto the floor by myself once. Not pretty. I have never hurt so much before or since. I'm feeling for you. And I think you need way more sympathy that CK is willing to give. But then, being a man, if HIS back went out, he'd be whining like a baby and asking you to peel grapes or something.

Hope you get some sleep and feel better tomorrow.

Lauren said...

SUCKS! That is horrible. Just... stay away from water, lightning bolts and water could lead to electrocution and then where will you be?!?! I did something similar recently... only of course, it involves squid... They were heavy. Feel better soon! And if you do, can you send me the muscle relaxants? I have another family dinner tomorrow.

~:C:~ said...

Le ouch! I hope it doesn't happen again. My back muscles have a tendency to tear freakishly easily - one time I was taking out a cup of milk from the microwave (I kid you not) and I was out for about three weeks.

On a brighter note, aren't muscle relaxants great?

On a quizzical note, why were you cleaning instead of SHOPPING yesterday?

[Glad you're back, BTW - I missed your words.]

Heather said...

Welcome to the "I threw my back out" club! Not so glad that your a member now, but I'll take ya.

I know what kind of pain you are in, so sorry dear. Put an ice pack on it, never heat. If it doesn't go away within the week, go to a chiropractor.

Please don't ignore it, it can get worse if not taken care off properly.

Take care and try not to do to much. (((hugs)))

dailyseeking said...

Sorry about your back, may you feel better today! I'm glad your back blogging--I've missed reading it!

susan F said...

Kathryn, I'm so sorry your back went out... I know that pain is terrible. Mine went out in the spring. The doctor said it would be 6-8 weeks before I'd feel better, but it only too 3. I hope you wake up feeling better though. Make sure you rest it until it does feel better, and you'll heal faster.

susan F said...

I meant to say "it only took 3" weeks to feel better.

Collette said...

Kathryn, I'm so sorry you hurt your back. I have had back problems all my life & now have arthritis in it so I know how you feel. Take it easy & if it still hurts by Monday, see a dr! And that is why I don't clean...LOL! Feel better, sweetie! (((HUGS)))

Wendy Blum said...

Hope you begin to feel more like your pain-free self asap. On the brighter side, at least you can still feel your fingers to blog and entertain us in blog world. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we're all truly grateful you're around, Kathryn =) And I agree, with Alicia. Maybe your tumble downstairs tumbled something in your back. If yoga stretching and Cloudy pain relief doesn't help, get medical advice.

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

At least you waited 30 minutes to start drinking...

Hope you feel better soon.

Ron said...

Hiya Kathryn!

First...I laughed my ass off reading Allergria's comment...

But then, being a man, if HIS back went out, he'd be whining like a baby and asking you to peel grapes or something.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

SO true!

I SO totally know how you feel! About three years I ago I pulled my lower back while lifting a coffee table. OUCH!#$@?!

I literally had to crawl around my apartment floor for two days. Thank god it happened during my two days off from work because I was in so much pain. Luckily, I used some reflexology techniques on myself and it helped tremendously.

Take good care of yourself, my friend. And know I'm sending you "good vibes" with this comment for a speedy recovery.

{{{{{ Kathyrn }}}}}}

xo

Kathryn said...

Alicia: Thank you. Sometimes, we just need to hear "Poor Kathryn". It may just be coincidence, but I felt the best all day after drinking some Cloudy. Go figure!

Lou: Thanks, sweetie. I'm working on it. (ow.)

Gavin: Well, I appreciate the sympathy, sweetie...I'm guessing that a few broken ribs is no picnic in the park, either!! (OW)

Fierce: HA! Dr. Clinton is a no-nonsense kind of IV-caregiver...a little bit insult...a little bit sympathy...a whole lot of attitude. He'll whip me back into shape (I hope!)

Kathryn said...

WannabeVirginiaW: Whee! If I'm NOT feeling better by New Year's, I'll HAVE to use the came "cocktail" just to enjoy the evening!! (Kidding). Seriously, tho...I'd BETTER be 100% by then!!

Jenny: "Back" to new soon!?! HA! Yeah....OW. It's better today, I think. I'm choosing mind over pain...but I may milk it a bit when da boys get home from their dad's...ya know, just for sympathy.

Allegria: Thank you, sweetie! HA! I always say that if a guy had ONE CRAMP, the human species would perish then and there!!

jen said...

This is what happens when you go ahead and do housework. I spent much of yesterday cleaning as well. Sorry for being remiss in visiting the blog but Christmas got the best of me. Back to writing once again.

JD at I Do Things said...

WELCOME TO MY WORLD!

I hope your stay is short.

Please take good care of yourself. and if you need Vicodin, you know who to ask.

Jenny said...

I hereby award you 15 cool points for catching the "back" pun. I did not even catch it myself. :)

Kathryn said...

Lauren: HA! Riiiight...I'd forgotten about lightning bolts and water....got it! These muscle-relaxants are like, 3 years old....I do believe they've lost their potency, dammit. I'll have to send you about 5 of 'em...

~:C:~ There she is! (Where have you been???)So, you tore some back muscles taking milk out of the fridge? Ahem. I do believe you need a butler, sweetie....to carry out all these mundane chores...and save you your back!

Christiejolu said...

OUCH! I hope you feel better.

I am usually the one doing these things. I was gone a few days and come back to find everyone broke bones or threw out backs.

Hope you have a Happy New Year.

Kathryn said...

Heather: UGH. ICE?!? In the middle of winter??? Are you serious? Do I HAVETA?? Crap...I've had the heating pad on it since yesterday! Crap!

dailyseeking: I'm glad to be back, too! I've missed you guys! Pain or not, I'm propped up and determined to catch up over the next few days.

susan F: Thanks, Sue! ONLY 3 weeks? Did it feel like someone was sticking needles inside your lower back? This sucks! But I think I may be 2% better than I was yesterday, so WOOHOO!

Collette: Thanks, sweetie. "That is why I don't clean"...HA! Amen to that!!

Wendy Blum: HA! Thank you so much for the kind words, sweetie...and believe me...I feel the same way about all of you. Hanging with you guys makes this the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

Lily Johnson said...

Oh dear Kat. I am so sorry about your back.get well soon and do rest that back ok?

Kathryn said...

Erin @ The Locals Love it: That's right! 30 WHOLE MINUTES. That was the best I could do. (Honestly, I think the Cloudy made me feel less pain than the Valium did...seriously)

RON! Aw, Ronnie. Reflexology? Do they have a crash course for ppl who know nothing about it but need to feel better in about 10 hours?? Yeah, your pain sounds like my pain.
I do do without us sharing mutual pain, my friend! Thanks for the well-wishes! xoxo

Jen: Honey, I'm just as behind as you. I'm noticing I'm a good 3-4 posts behind everyone else...and I feel bad about that. I'm in catch-up mode, too! Happy Holidays!

JD at I Do Things: I KNOW! I'M SOOO NOT HAPPY TO BE HERE! I have a new appreciation for your pain, sweetie! I don't know how you manage to sit in front of the computer!!

Jenny: See? You're a word-whiz (and also a Dr. Seuss 2-pt rhyme winner) and you didn't even know it!

Christiejolu: Thanks, sweetie! I am DETERMINED to beat this. It will NOT BREAK me! (So said the crippled 90-year-old pregnant Kathryn.....just kidding!)

Gingerella said...

[cough] well, as one of those "I threw my back out" people, I wish you a speedy recovery. Nothing is worse than a back injury because it doesn't just affect that one area, it affects every movement you make, big or small. Rest, put ice on it (NOT heat!) and more rest. And Clinton is right, alcohol and muscle relaxants aren't the best cocktail. ;)

Margarete said...

Sorry Sweetie...I'll be over in 5 with some Ciao Bella Key Lime and Cloudy...

xoxoxo feel better

Picture Imperfect said...

Oh, you poor dear. I have a bad back and the two most common things that I do to put it out are... get this... putting on socks and brushing my teeth. Yikes.

I hope you feel better very soon! Here's some hot chocolate w peppermint schnapps for you... always works for me. lol

Kathryn said...

Gingerella: Okay. What would I do without you guys? Ice...not heat. Hopefully, I haven't set my recovery back by a few days by using the heating pad for the first 24 hours. Ice it is. Do I get a "welcome pack" for joining this *painful* club??

Margarete: Hey, doll! Oh, that will TOTALLY do the trick! I'm feeling better just thinking about it!

SMOOG!:Ha! Socks and teeth...socks and teeth. And ~:C:~ did it taking a cup of milk out of the fridge...I think I'm doomed!

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