Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Waiting

I’ve spent quite a bit of time lately sitting in waiting rooms. Doctor’s waiting rooms…dentist’s waiting rooms…orthodontist’s waiting rooms. If there’s a profession that requires that you wait in a special room, designed for no other purpose than to make you sit there and wait, then my butt-print is invariably on one of the cushions there.

Having just upgraded to a new Blackberry, I’ve had plenty of time to discover, download, misplace and ultimately play with many, many, many new apps.

The first thing I wanted to check out was the MP3 player. I’d downloaded all my music from my iTunes (honestly, the phone downloaded all my tunes…I just pressed the button that said “okay”) and had thrown the earphones that came with the phone into my bag weeks ago. I
eagerly broke into the bitty plastic bag, removed the earbuds and then spent the next 15 minutes trying to figure out how to open the super-itty-bitty, teeny-tiny little baggie containing the little stretchy black “condoms” I now needed to place over the earbuds.

Only it’s not working…because each time I hook one end over, the other side pops off. All the while I’m wondering, “Why? WHY? Why can’t they have done this for me? Why do I have to do this? Stupid f&*%ing people….too f&*%ing lazy to put these f&*%ing things on before they leave the manufacturer. What possible f&*#ing reason could there be for not having these ready to use straight out of the package?”

Around this time, I notice the little tag on the wire with the teeny-tiny illustration of God-knows-what:

…but it looks suspiciously like the trash can I’ve just this morning rolled out to the curb from my garage…complete with the lid on top, the side handles and the wheels on the bottom.

The large “X” running through it suggests….what?? Is this a message from a higher authority?

Dear Kathryn: Do not take the trash out today. Something terrible will happen. Love ya, GOD.”

Or, is it saying “Do not throw this tag into said trash can”? And what’s with the dark line underneath the depiction of the can? Kinda reminds me of the line under a 6 or a 9 on a playing card, clarifying in no uncertain terms which end is UP. Does this have any life-threatening significance??

Of course, all this goes through my head in a matter of 0.0000025 seconds, so it’s actually moot. I locate the receptacle for the plug on my phone and hit the play button. The first song is “One Week” by Barenaked Ladies. The song BLASTS out of my phone, startling me and everyone else in the waiting room. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how to turn it off…I kept hitting the red button (to end a call), whilst holding my thumb over what I presumed was the speaker, whilst pushing on every side button I could find, whilst apologizing profusely to everyone around me. I wound up powering the phone OFF to make it STOP. Turns out the snazzy, rubbery cover I’d bought to protect the phone prevented the plug from fully connecting with the device.

Thank Gawd I wasn’t in the room where the actual root canal was taking place. Could you imagine the carnage?

My bad.

serendipitous said...

This post definitely made me chuckle. Good thing you weren't in an office with some heart patients! You would have surely given someone a heart attack.

Gavin said...

XD Thank you for sharing this. I needed a good laugh before I started blogging tonight. If I had been there in the room with you I think I would have busted a gut laughing. Not at you mind you....but with you. (;

Gigi said...

How funny!!!! At least you are brave enough to play with your blackberry. I still look at mine and think "what else can you do that I don't know about yet but am too afraid to try because you might blow up?" and then I would cry. Because although it's been a short relationship; I am already in love!

Hope your son is doing better.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

OMG! I can't breathe! Hilarious!

Kimberly said...

Too funny! Thanks for the chuckle!

I LOVE the Barenaked Ladies, so if I had been there, I wouldn't have minded one bit.

I will be in "the land of waiting" tomorrow morning. Dentist appt. Ugh.

Glad to have you back!

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

Apparently your experience with condoms has always revolved around the larger sized version? Lucky you.

Mark Price said...

Kathryn, funny stuff. The same thing has happened to me...still cant figure out how to stop the music...I had a good giggle Thanks!

Lauren said...

Yup, I'm back. Okay, made my day. Literally. Thanks.

Picture Imperfect said...

D-OH!!! LMAO... I bet that was embarrassing. That reminds me of a story my friend told me once.

he was working in an office, it wasn't a super stuffy quiet office but it was quiet enough. He had noise cancelling headphones and he would always crank up the tunes on them; and he could never hear anything from outside the headphones. One morning he was rocking OUT to something (probably Grateful Dead, knowing him) when his cube neighbour tapped him on the shoulder. Friend looked over and cube neighbour had the plug end of the headphones in his hand. the whole office was getting blasted by friend's tunes. BWAAhahaha.... love that story.

So... you're not the only one... tee hee!

Elfie said...

I have wondered on countless occasions what the rubbish bin label is for. It confused me. I was all like, I just bought these headphones. It's not like I'm going to throw them in the bin...
That is, if that is actually a picture of a bin. Who knows?

I've missed reading your blog!!!

Fierce said...

Oh Kathryn, I really think I should get you a manual on how to use your new crackberry... lol
The 'condom' earphone thingies are truly annoying. I just got a black berry myself, those things sure are fun, once you get past the annoying little functions they forgot to tell us about... f&^$&£g lazy people!

book*addict said...

AH OMG. I can't believe you know The Barenaked Ladies. I thought my dad and I were the only people on this planet who actually listened to their music.
"How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral"

Love that song....sorry, I didn't finish readin your post because...
"You had me at...." BARENAKED LADIES

Chrissy said...

That's so funny. I can just picture the glares you were getting.

Clandestiny said...

XD I could've told you that those wee lil machines are evil! I hate phones of all sorts but especially the cell kind! I bet the nasty lil devil had a right good laugh at the dirty trick it played on you! Smash it before it takes over your life!!!

Dreamfarm Girl said...

Well told! Did you ever figure out what the trash can icon is? It's a mystery! There are so many new gadgets that are a complete mystery to me. sigh. it is pretty amazing that there is this unbelievable technology out there to do just about anything, yet they can't put the baby earbud covers on for you? and it's near impossible to do it yourself? Now that is ironic, and hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!

Gingerella said...

It's moments like these that make life er....spicy. :)

I'm so sorry about what you and your son have been going through this last week...I hope everything turns out alright with his teeth!

When you have a moment, stop by my blog...you have a blog award waiting for you. A little bright spot in your dismal week, hopefully!

Runnergirl said...

I got some earphones with my new phone that have two bits of weird rubbery nodules. And spares. I have no idea what to do with either.

I am frequently paranoid about leaving the sound on on my laptop in the office, so I have it permanently on mute and my phone on silent!!

Yay BNL!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Oh, Kathryn, here I am LOL-ing as I read this. It's so true. How are my mid-70's parents supposed to be able to do any of this stuff when we can't even handle it? I'm starting to get frightened for when my last kid leaves home and I have no tech support. I'll sit in front of my screen, sobbing.
Hope things are going okay with your son...

jh said...

Too funny, totally a Kathryn move. Reminds me of when you lost your shorts in Bed & Bath. You should post that!

jmberrygirl said...

Too funny! I would be so lost with a smart phone. Hubby offered me one for my birthday (you know, before we bought the house, the land, and got married--back when there was money to BURN.) I said it was smarter than I am and I just couldn't do it...

Spot said...

It could have been worse. It could have been some totally obnoxious rap song. With lots of cuss words. Or Lady Gaga and her "disco stick". That would have really made it awkward!

I hate those earbud thingys. They hurt my ears. I always have to go buy the ones that actually fit inside the canal. Cuz I'm a wuss like that. =]


♥Spot

lifelove'n'wine said...

Haha, oh no...I HATE it when that happens! And why can't they have the earbuds all ready for you? Lame!

That tag makes me think of those tags they put on mattresses that say DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENALTY OF LAW. I remember pulling it off as a child and then having my mom read it to me. I burst into tears.

~:C:~ said...

You are sweetness and light.

Thanks for the constant stream of support and generosity. : )

Heather said...

So frustrating and eventually fun to figure out new technology.

Smileyfreak said...

That's happened to me before :) lol

carissajaded said...

Oh I don't think technology is fun at all!!

And that little tag? I'm guessing it was telling you not to throw it away... but I never listen to those, and if it's God sending a message I'm screwed!

I tear that tag off of every pillow and hair dryer I've ever owned...

Kathryn said...

serendipitous: Exactly! These are the times you realize just how quiet waiting rooms truly are...

Gavin: HA! Of course! You'd NEVER laugh AT me....I would never have ALLOWED it! I would TAKE YOU DOWN...

Gigi: Thank you....yes, Kevin is feeling better. I have wanted this bberry forever...and it's soooo complicated (to me), but what else are you gonna do in a waiting room? They're forcing me to WAIT.

Oddyoddyo13: HA! Oh, I'm glad you liked it! Seriously, though...those rubber-holder-thingies keep the plug from going all the way in!

Kimberly: Aw, thanks....I'm glad to BE back. Well, I think you wud've been the ONLY one in there that like my musical choice...there were many retirees and they were NOT happy with me. Whatever.

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt: HA! Oh, good one1 (Why didn't I think of that?!)

Mark Price: You know, I never did go back and figure it out. My last phone was the Venus and it had the touch screen...this had a pause/stop icon on the screen that I kept pushing...but it's not a touch screen!! I've got to look into this again...but NOT whilst in a quiet, crowded waiting room...

Lauren: Aw! So glad! YAY!

Smoog! HA! Oh, that poor guy! Bottom line is that music can make you happy. Happy employees are productive employees, so boss shouldn't care. Right? Right! As for me, I'm not playing with my phone in any more quiet places!

Elfie: Thank you, sweetie! I honestly don't know what that symbol is...but it looks exactly like my trash can. Eerily so! I've also never seen it before (that I've noticed), so if anyone knows what it means, feel free to chime in.

Fierce: I LOVE my new crack...I mean, blackberry! The condom earbuds have fabulous sound...andI even downloaded Vlingo, so I can "speak" my texts and emails whilst driving! Which is good, 'cause my texting capabilities still suck...

book*addict: HA! Now, you've got me singing along! I wish those ppl in the waiting room were YOU!

Chrissy: Oh, yeah....they just loved me. I left it off and put it AWAY.

JD at I Do Things said...

Of COURSE, it had to be "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies. It couldn't be anything calm or soothing. (Or maybe you don't HAVE any calm and soothing music.)

Anyway, yes. Those dang headphone condoms. Those are just as hard to get on even the larger headphones of my iPod. I remember finding one in my bed sheets. It must've popped off one night after I took off my headphones. I screamed as loud as I could then ran. Later, I came creeping back (because I REALLY wanted to go to bed) and I realized what it was.

Stupid.

Allegria said...

The image here slays me. Gave me a much needed belly laugh today. See? There's something to be said for my Nokia. No chance of sending innocent seniors to the emergency room.

Kathryn said...

clandestiny: HA! Smash? But....but....it has internet! My Google! And it has these pretty lights for different meanings....like. pretty. lights....

Dreamfarm Girl: Nope...I still don't know what that icon means. I kept thinking, "Is there a hygiene-issue here? Are these earbuds being re-used??" I just don't get it!

Gingerella: Oh, thank you sweetie! Who doesn't love receiving an award?? And thanks for the well-wishes for my son...we've done all we can do for now.

Runnergirl: Really? Weird rubbery nodule-thingies? Boy. It just gets stranger and stranger. Maybe it's for ppl with different sized ear canals? I consider mine to be very dainty....I'll bet yours are, too.

Kathryn said...

Maureen@IslandRoar: Oh, honey...you won't be sobbing...you'll simply skype daughter#1, email your son and tweet daughter #2 and they'll make it all better! Then you'll all meet on Facebook for a mini-reunion!

JH: HA! I forgot about that one! I still have those shorts, ya know!!

jmberrygirl: Trust me...it's definitely a smartie-phone. Someone mentioned today that I'm supposed to be backing it up! Can you imagine? Backing up your phone? I can barely back up my CAR!!

Spot! Well, I must have the smallest ear canals in history ("Hello, Ripley's believe it or not?") 'cause anything going IN my ear HURTS me. I have the ones that sit ON my ear and then you can't use 'em when you're lying down (out of the gutter, people) cause they flop all around. (Aw, hell...snickers....)

Kathryn said...

lifelove'n'wine: Oh...I can just picture little-girl-Jen bursting into tears...thinking the cops were gonna cart her away!! I still don't know what that tag means, but I'm leaving it on. I don't want to bring up any more bad memories for you...

~:C:~ No, YOU are sweetness & light!
Had some company, have you?

Heather: I know in the end, I'll love it...I really already do. But there's so much! It's like a mini-computer...complicated!

Smileyfreak: Oh, good...so it's not just ME. Ppl think I make this crap up...and I really don't!

Kathryn said...

carissajaded: Oh, you brave, carefree, dangerous girl, you! We may never know what that tag was trying to tell us...and frankly, I'm kinda over it.

Kathryn said...

Allegria: You're right about that, sweetie! But, you could still do damage with the flash!

Kathryn said...

JD at I Do Things: Oh, you are too funny! Ya screamed and ran away like a little girl?? I wud've done the same thing...or maybe beat the crap out of it with my shoe. Either way, they're a stupid idea!

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