Monday, April 13, 2009

Don't...Roll to Me

Lately, I’ve been getting very annoyed by the amount of crap hitting my inbox. It’s ads, ads and more ads…and most of it is from companies I’ve never even done business with.

So. That tells us what, faithful readers?

Faithful Reader: “Oooh! Oooh! I know this one! PICK ME!!!”

Kathryn: “Yes? You in the fuchsia tee…that says…what? ‘Dogs Are People Too.’ Huh. And you are a regular reader of this blug?!”

FR: “Oh, YES. I looooooove your blog….I mean, blug. I’ve read everything you’ve ever written and I looooove Clinton Kelly and I think you two are just swell….”

Clinton: (Whispers to Kathryn) “Um. That t-shirt isn’t technically fuchsia…it’s more magenta…and how can you take anyone seriously wearing that?”

Kathryn: (To Clinton) “Be nice. This is where my superior people-skills really shine…I have the ability to completely block out the distasteful attire one may have on in favor of focusing on their…inner beauty, per se.”

C: “You seriously do that?”

K: “No. Of course not. I just pretend they’re someone’s cute little toddler…anxious to learn about the world and full of boundless enthusiasm. Now hush and let ‘em speak.”

FR: “I do believe that if you are receiving a lot of crap emails it means you’ve taken too much medication, blacked out and probably ordered numerous gifts for friends and family off the internet in the middle of the night with no recollection of actually ever doing it.”

K: “Well, that would be incorrect.”

C: (Whispers) “Enthusiasm= one….intelligence= zee-ro….”

K: (Snickers) “I’m sorry. Anyone else?”

C: “Oh, please. Let me. Please.”

K: “Yes? Tall man with eyes of blue? You??”

C: “You’ve probably been sold and re-sold down the river numerous times. Someone’s made some decent green selling your email-it’s obscene.”

K: “Yes, that is correct….and it rhymes, which means you win the Dr. Seuss prize of the day…which I’ll have to think about, so don’t freak out. Anyway. I’ve started ‘unsubscribing’ to ‘em…which I initially didn’t want to do, in case it’s like one of those telemarketer’s fishing expeditions when the worst mistake you can make is to let them know you’re on the other end….you know what I mean?”

C: “Hm? Did you say something? I wasn’t really listening.”

K: “Oh…very nice, Kelly. Most of them just confirmed on the screen that I’d been ‘unsubscribed’ and that was that. A few made it kinda tricky…saying something like ‘If you want to remain on our mailing list, click yes’…I had to seriously pay attention.”

C: “Huh.”

K: “One of them, though….they took it too far. I won’t say who it was…just that it was a large retail clothing company…they actually had the gall to send me an email telling me that they were sorry for annoying the crap out of me….then they sent me another confirmation e-mail to tell me that they were unsubscribing me! Can you believe that??”

C: “Was it Macy’s? Please tell me it wasn’t Macy’s….”

K: “You honestly don’t care about this at all….do you?”

C: (Chagrined) “Nope…not feeling it all that much. Sorry.”

K: “Whatever….I’m over it now. Can we take a peek online for that “As seen on TV bra-strap-thingie? I really need that…..”

sferri said...

LOL.. I know what you mean. I keep getting some that I can't unsubscribe from. Seems at one time I subscribed.. and I can't remember my password, which I need to unsubscribe.

Kathryn said...

I hear that. I got so frustrated with one company that I forwarded their emails back to 'em with "UNSUBSCRIBE!!!!" in the subject line...in the body...everywhere. They eventually got the message.

IV said...

Ok-maybe that shirt was fuchsia. Not that I care, though.

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