Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Now It's Personal

I know that each and every visitor to this site has come away with some gratifying informational tidbit that has probably changed his or her life. I know that many of you are profoundly grateful for having had the privilege of reading my insightful musings and are equally appreciative of the extensive and exhaustive research involved for each and every post.

I also know that I am seriously full of it.


Here is your dose of crap wisdom for the day:

Life is subjective. Love is subjective. Taste is subjective.

I may personally believe that Art Fry (the inventor of a perpetual staple of mine: the Post-It®) deserves to have a holiday named after him…and that anyone who truly believes that “they’ll only double your order if you call within the next 5 minutes!” is a complete idiot…but that’s just my humble opinion.

But I also believe that you should never, ever lick an envelope…or drink soda from a can without first washing the top…as both could have conceivably been peed on by rodents. I can’t remember where I read this...but it’s just gross enough to probably be true.

Up here in the land of rolling hills and mandatory navigation systems, I often pass several horse farms.

(Okay….my IV is unable to contain himself a moment longer, so I’ll let him say his peace.)

Clinton: “Um. Do you ever actually review these posts? Can you hear yourself? You sound like a poster-child for adult ADD.”

Kathryn: “Well, that’s not very kind, Sir Kelly. Did it ever occur to you that my readers may have a unique appreciation for my random musings? That they may in fact, be sitting on pins & needles…just waiting to see where I’m going with this? Perhaps YOU are the one who is in need of something of a review…did you ever think of that?”

C: “Nope. But I’ll admit...you’ve piqued my interest on this horse-thing. Proceed.”

K: “I can’t tell you how much your literary guidance means to me…your mother must be so proud.”

C: “Leave my family out of this. Are you going to finish your thought? Or, are we done here?

K: “I think maybe you’re done…I’m actually somewhere in the middle. I was just going to say that on a cold, damp morning I will sometimes see random horses wrapped up in these horse-blankets…and then there’ll be others that’re…well, not. Two thoughts come to mind…”

C: “Only two?”

K: “Are you gonna let me finish?”

C: (Shakes his head, purses lips tightly together)

FInally….he’s done.

Anyway, I’ve determined that the blanket-wearers are probably owned by women…’cause we’re all nurturing and stuff…and I simply cannot imagine a guy ever thinking “I’ll bet ole’ Rusty out there is in danger of getting a chill….I’d better run on out in the drizzle and cover him with this here Navajo blanket”…

And as for Rusty? He’s probably mortified… has undoubtedly suffered endless teasing from his fellow equine…and is forced to endure the nickname Rusty the Retiree, even though he’s in the prime of his life and the truth is that he’s never had so much as the sniffles in his whole, entire life...so there.

See? Subjective.

Okay….I’m done.

Straight Guy said...

You have my mind spinning. Rodents peeing on unopened soda cans? Now that's the meanest thing I've heard in a long time. No wonder they have such a bad rap.

Setting traps now, then off to gargle with CSI-grade disinfectant.

jh said...

You're so right, of course it's women putting blankets on horses. I see horses here all the time & I've always wondering why some have blankies & others don't. Genius!

kathryn said...

SG:I seem to recall something about six-packs of soda cans sharing warehouses with rodents. It's funny...I'd always assumed that the 12-can boxes were exempt from this warning, but we still wash 'em just to be safe. Sometimes, I wonder if we're better off not knowing...
JH:Genius? Well, it takes one to know one.

jh said...

Hey wait a second, it's almost 1 year?! That means it's gotta be April. & that means it's your birthday, which is when exactly oh lady of mystery? I'm not asking years, just day. & work it into your post so we can all say happy birthday, lord knows we don't thank you enough for your free blog. which by the way i would certainly donate to IF you had a paypal thingy.

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