Saturday, February 21, 2009

Clinton Kelly Day

They say that 40 is now the new 30….and if you’re fortunate enough to be blessed with looking ten years younger than your actual age, then that would mean:

Happy 20th Birthday to my ever-lovin’ I.V. Clinton Kelly!

(Insert whistles, applause and the Beatles singing “They Say It’s Your Birthday”,

Kathryn: “So…how does it feel to be 40 30 20, big guy?”

Clinton: “Age is merely a number. And thanks for coming up with that terribly flattering image. Isn’t it enough that I’m 40, 30, whatever…at least give me my dignity…for today, anyway.”

K: “If you wanted your dignity, then you shouldn’t have agreed to be my I.V. Surely you’ve realized that by now…”

C: (Sighs) “Agreed." (Rubs hands together) "So, what did you get me?”

K: “You mean besides the cake, the candles, the internet shout-out, the regularly scheduled mention of your name in association with mine (which will undoubtedly be worth more than any amount of green someday) and the special, limited edition Chapstick I found that tastes exactly like Hershey’s Chocolate?” (Extends hand, revealing the teeny-tiny wrapped gift.)

C: “How do know it tastes exactly like Hershey’s Chocolate? You didn’t taste it, did you?”

K: (Bristles) “Don’t be ridiculous…what kind of a person would do something like that?”

C: “The kind of person who won’t make eye contact with me now. There’s a seal on these things when they’re new, ya know.”

K: “Well, you can’t return it. I got it through an internet site that sells one-of-a-kind, rare, exotic gifts for the person who’s…ya know, really hard to buy gifts for.”

C: “Um. I don’t know what to say. Do I get a card?”

K: “Uh. Sure. Can you give me a minute? I think I left my hair dryer on….”

C: (Rolls eyes) “I can’t believe you forgot the card. It’s not like you haven’t had time to prepare for this…I’ve dropped the hints, left multi-colored post-its in your car, your bag, on your computer, sent you emails, left you text messages…how hard is it to walk into a Hallmark store and buy a freakin’ card?”

K: “Are you through? I mean, seriously…you’d think you’d just given birth or something.”

C: "Well, it’s the anniversary of my birth---"

(Kathryn opens front door…in pours family, friends, co-workers, the CEO of Macy’s, Oprah, Martha, The Donald, Olivia, the President of TLC and the entire cast from the movie Poltergeist.)

Kathryn: “Your lips look a little dry….got any Chapstick?”

Happy Day, C-man...Par-tay!

Anonymous said...

Happy belated Birthday to Clinton Kelly!!! Wherever he is!

kathryn said...

Today's the day, bay-bee...and you know he thanks you.

Unknown said...

So that's why he never wrote me back when I sent him a "Happy Birthday!" You were getting him drunk. No problem, much better gift than crappy, old, FB card!


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