Monday, January 5, 2009

This Just In

From (With ever-so-helpful comments from yours truly, of course.)

Love’s first blush fading? (I’d hit Sephora, pronto.)

Lost that loving feeling? (Is that what that was? I thought it was gas…)

Love is not all around? (No, but there’s plenty of bills, snow and dust. Does that count?)

Sick of clichés? (You’ve no idea….)

Take heart. Scientists have discovered that people can have a love that lasts a lifetime. (That’s not saying much. People get hit by busses all the time. Life can be short.)

Using brain scans, researches at Stony Brook University in New York have discovered a small number of couples (how many are we talking here? Two…three, tops?) respond with as much passion after 20 years together as most people only do during the early throes of romance, Britian’s Sunday Times newspaper reported. (Ohhhhh…passion. I thought we were talking about l-o-v-e.)

The researchers scanned the brains of couples together for 20 years (Wow…how did they get couples to agree to walk around with their brains stuck together for so long?) and compared them with results from new lovers, the Sunday Times said. (I’ll bet the “new lovers” were much happier…’cause they could walk around independently of each other and all.)

About 10 percent of the mature couples (together for-eva) had the same chemical reactions when shown photographs of their loved ones as those just "starting out". (Read: "immature". Also, I’ll bet the mature couples were shown photos of their spouses leaving the seat up, drinking OJ from the carton and maxing out their Visa at TJ Maxx, whilst the newbies saw photos of their paramours wearing nothing but a seductive smile. Reminder: the chemical reaction for LOVE and HATE are alarmingly similar.)

Previous research has suggested that the first stages of romantic love fade within 15 months (This must be a typo…isn’t it more like 1.5 months?) and after 10 years it has gone completely, the newspaper said. (Well, if the newspaper says it’s gone, then I guess it’s gone…I now feel horribly, inexplicably sad.)

“The findings go against the traditional view of romance—that it drops off sharply in the first decade—but we are sure it’s real,” said Arthur Aron, a psychologist at Stony Brook, told the Sunday Times. (Okay, Artie…I’m not following. So, traditionalists feel that romance takes a dive within the first ten years…but you’re saying that for .000003% of the population, this is not the case. What they feel is the real deal. Now I feel so much better.)

And for anyone who’s interested: The ads by Google under this article read:

“Who loves you?” Do you really want to know? With your birthdate I can tell.

“Make a Man Fall in Love!” Learn what men really want & how to find & attract lasting love.

“TheSecret to Romance” 10 most dangerous mistakes you make when searching for love & romance.

(If you don’t mind, I think I’ll pass for now. At least until some new researchers can improve the odds.)

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