Thursday, January 8, 2009

Be Very Afraid

Whilst cleaning out my junk mail folder the other day, I happened upon an ad at the bottom of a page:

LOOK! We can LOOK YOUNGER than we did in ’98!

Remember ’98?

The year that Laughlin, Stormer & Tsui shared the Nobel Prize for their discovery of a new form of quantum fluid with fractionally charged excitations? (Margarete and I had totally conceptualized fractionally charging excitations way before these guys…but we were too busy developing the award-winning “HandsFreeCab/Cloudy Sustenance Theory of Relative Ease With Which to Consume Such With The Means of A Simple Store-bought Straw”. Surely you saw our ad at 2am for $19.95 with FREE shipping and handling?


You were probably jiving to Will Smith’s “Getting Jiggy Wit” instead.

Po-tay-to, po-tah-to…whatever rocks your boat.

ANYWHO. The above ad claims you can reduce wrinkles by 57%! But wait….there’s that little dagger there, proclaiming “12-week consumer test”. Okay….I'll wait 12 weeks for results like these!

But hey. It says “Simulated imagery. Results not typical.” Well, it’s still worth a try…since it says I can TRY IT FOR FREE.

Huh. There’s an asterisk there (I think…squinting…)…yep…the fine print says “S&P may apply”. Is that like shipping and handling? Or, is it snickering and pointing at the gullible consumer who’s actually buying this stuff?

Okay…I’m almost done.

One more, though….is it just me, or shouldn’t the “before” images be on the left and the “after” on the right? And why did they need three examples here….didn’t they think we’d be horrified enough by the first one?

And finally: Why ’98? Was ’98 a particularly bad-looking year for someone in the marketing industry? Can anyone even remember ’98?

Can anyone even remember Monday?

Anonymous said...

Well, by 2020, they may really regret having that ad out there!

Margarete said...

No, I can't remember Monday...what's today anyway?

And please promise NEVER to let me but that stuff-yikes!

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