Sunday, December 28, 2008


So, what are the odds that on the rare occasion where I pre-publish a few posts and claim “Bay-bee…it’s cold outside!” that the opposite would come to pass? And, do you think I could make it happen again?

Let’s give it a try! “Gee….I’m so sure that 2009 is gonna be a loveless, poverty-stricken, boring, unsuccessful, crappy year.” Work your magic, blogger…

I find myself reflecting on the type of businesses that do especially well around this time:

For starters, there’s the private refuse collectors

…all that wrapping paper and industrial strength molded plastic packaging has to go somewhere…not to mention the numerous pairs of broken scissors from trying to open said packaging.

Then, there’s the champagne manufacturers. If someone looks back in history, you’ll inevitably find some dictator who got thoroughly hammered one night on champagne.

He had one monster of a hangover the next morning and proclaimed “From now on, champagne may only be consumed in celebration of a new year, or at a wedding…since the future in both instances is entirely unknown and it’s understandable to get pickled on what could conceivably be the last familiar comfortable day you may ever have.”

Of course that transitions straight to liquor stores, which don’t really need any reason whatsoever to have a booming business…as, well…that’s where Cloudy comes from, don’tchaknow.

The calendar manufacturers must be pretty comfortable around this time of year as well.

Technically, they could double their prices (if they were so inclined)…as their product becomes pretty much essential, when you think about it. (Do NOT call me if calendar prices skyrocket…this was merely an observation on my part.) I mean, how many times are you going to flip over December to find the wall/top of your desk before you bite the bullet and invest in 2009?

Resolution-wise, it’s the diet and exercise industry’s prime time. Now they get to remind everyone about that average-seven-pound-weight-gain from all that partying we’ve done over the last month or so. They’ll gleefully show us buffed, bouncing women

(not so much the buff guys…and why is that?)

while virtually promising that “This could be lazy, cannoli-eating, manhattan-drinking, drive-to-the-end-of-the-driveway-to-get-the-freakin’-mail excuse for a human being….for ONLY $9.95 for the first week…and who are you kidding? You’ll never make it out of the locker room…but $9.95 times several thousand flabby, buff-wanna-be’s equals another half dozen teevee ads for US and a temporary reprieve from that voice inside your head that screams “OhmyGodICanNoLongerSeeMyToes!!!”

The auto industry

will continue to barrage us with ads announcing “END OF THE YEAR SAVINGS!!!!! LIMITED TIME OFFER!!!!! ENDS SOOOOOOOON!!!!!”…and we’ll get so weary of the same damn ads that we’ll find ourselves squinting to read the fine print on the bottom of the screen to discover when will it END, already??

Before turning on my iPod this evening, I announced “Whatever song plays next will be an indicator of the year to come.” The song? BTO’s “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet”.

I don’t doubt it.

Anonymous said...

My son goes to the gym regularly and he hates this time of year. He said the gym is packed with people who start out with memberships, who won't even be going back after February. He's always glad when it gets back to where it's just the "regulars".

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