Saturday, July 5, 2008

I'm Already There

July 4th

Independence Day!

A day usually reserved for barbeques :

parades:

swimming:



And one of my favorite forms of summer entertainment:

fireworks.

…And if you’re Margarete and Me, you would have to add:

Food:

Cocktails:


…and Sephora!


Yep….you celebrate the way YOU want, and we’ll do it OUR way, thankyouvery much.

With nary a backward glance, at 4pm Eastern Standard Time on Independence Day 2008, we hit the highway with the shout heard ‘round the world: “ROAD TRIP!!!”

Margarete and I have been trying to get over to Sephora for about a month now. Hell hath no fury like two women in desperate need of a good waterproof eyeliner. Trying to arrange to actually go to Sephora required a master’s degree in communication, with a minor in engineering… and the ability to discern east from west couldn’t hurt, either.

It starts like this:

"From:
Margarete
To: Kathryn
Sent: Monday, June 10, 2008 9:33 AM
Subject: okay, we HAVE to go...
I just have to say, "WHEN IS OUR ROAD TRIP?"

Thank you,Margarete" (Note to readers: After every single email, I have to see “Thank you, Margarete”. I understand that it’s her “signature”, but let’s see if you’re still loving it when you’ve seen it about a million times…)

And so, the conversation continues:

K: “When can you do it? Can you go on a Friday night? Can you do it on a Saturday or Sunday during the day?
Can you do it in the rain? Can you do it on a train? Hmmmm?”

M: “Believe it or not-I am good for Friday night (July the 4th-don't know if they’re open....) or Sunday July 6th... but other than that-I am basically out of town the month of July! Buffalo and California....and a few out-a-town parties.... Let me know some dates...
PS: (I can do it in any terrain.)

Thank you,Margarete”

K: “I've just called Sephora....believe it or not, they're telling me they have regular hours on Friday 7/4 (10am-9:30pm)...Sunday 7/6 is 11am-7pm. Sounds like we should do one of these two, since you're busy for the next 7 months!! I have no formal plans at the moment for either day, but time is RUNNING OUT! So, RESERVE ME NOW! What do you wanna do, Miss Dippety-doo???”

M: “My guess is this Friday night would be best...meet for some drinks and apps then shop til we drop-all tropical-lotioned-wrinklefree-bronzered out! What time can you go? I’ll check with Marc and make sure he’s cool with it.

Thank you,Margarete” (See? Isn’t it getting ANNOYING?)

K: “Yep...check w/Marc....we don't want you peeing where you sleep (Ewwwwwwwwwww.) (BTW: Nobody says “cool” anymore….it’s soooo last decade.) I can go whenever you want on Friday. We'll just be hanging out here... I defer to you, oh Great and Powerful Seeker of the perfect waterproof eyeliner......you. (?) (I couldn't think of a good, catchy title for you....I'll think up one later.)

M: “Marc is fine with Friday...what time do you want to go? I am guessing your house is on the way? Kinda sort of? We could meet there or I could pick you up-either way.

Thank you,Margarete”

K: “Well, now you're gonna make me look at a map....which I can't read well....but I'm gonna try. You're B and I'm A....looks like we're equal distance from Da mall, but YOU'RE on the "correct" side of the Hudson. I don't wanna meet there....think of all the time we'll miss out on DISHING.......what do you think??”


M: “Okay-you do stink at directions don't you....just like the time you got us lost coming home from the Peter Gabriel concert at the Nassau Coliseum and we wound up in Rhode Island, remember? Ok-YOU are on the "right side" closest to the mall-
I am "A" you are "B" and the mall is "C" So A will pick up B and go to C...I will bring my GPS just so we don't have to think about where we need to go... What time works for you?

Thank you,Margarete”

K: “And gee...you're such a SHOW-OFF......I couldn't figure out how to get any more than an A and a B and you get a C?? And you told me you LIKED Rhode Island. If I remember correctly you said....and I quote: "It's just another of the funny, quirky, adorable things I simply love about you...and I've always wanted to visit this fine state"....or, something to that effect.....Wait. Which mall are we going to? I think I called the Sephora's in the Palisades to ask for their store hours......(gee...maybe I AM really bad with directions....)Okay, so you're A for Adorable and I'm B for Booty-licious....and who's C again?? I'm so confused...and I haven't even been drinking (yet) !Why does it show us going to The Westchester Mall?”

M: “I thought we were going to the WESTCHESTER mall? Who's the blonde here? (She is.)I'll have to google Palisades now.... that'll be "D" for dunno where the hell I am going?

Thank you,Margarete”

K: “Sorry.....I've always just assumed that we were going to Palisades.Where's the Westchester Mall? Is that White Plains?? I'll call them and see if they're keeping the same hours as Palisades....let me look up the number for Sephora’s in Spokane….”

M: “giggling at work....thanks.... why don't we stick to Palisades....

Thank you,
Margarete”

K: “Okey-dokey-artie-chokey. I'm calling BACK the lady at Palisades Sephora to ask if her fridge is running..... Be back....Okay...okay....the dingbat at Palisades believes they're open 10-9:30....(She's sticking to that 9:30....even checked with someone else who sounded equally clueless and possibly not even an employee of the store) Okay....but....you're going out of your way to cross over the bridge to pick me up and then cross back over another bridge to get to DA MALL (Exhibit C in your prayer manuals....can you say Halleluiah!?) and that just doesn't seem right.....unless you've got a hankering to dispose of a body or something?...on a bridge?.....twice?? Should I come over to your side of da river? (Sing halleluiah once again, my children…) But then we've gotta maybe go down by 9w....we could do that. On MY side, we've got Taconic down, but then the Tapp over. Opinion?? Rebuttal??? Glass of Cloudy, perhaps?? COULD this BE more COMPLICATED??? (I think not.)”

M: “NOW WHAT TIME? Here is a picture of my student worker Michael-he's wondering why the hell my phone is in his face .

Thank you,Margarete” (Shows picture of “Michael”…hell he could have just been some guy walking by her office for all we know…he’s smiling uncertainly at the camera and he looks like he’s just about to bolt for the door.)

K: “And yet....he's STILL SMILING.....(and he's thinkin "Just smile for the crazy-lady-who's-stuck-a-cameraphone-in-my-face...and let her think I won’t be calling security in about 30 seconds......) Uh...time? Have we worked out all the other possible kinks? Are we at the end? It's almost OVER? We're almost there??? Uh. I dunno.....say...maybe.....2? 3? 4? 5? 4? 5? What do YOU think, Michael??”

M: “What do you think about I pick you up around 4 or 5? Or you want to meet at Lexus Diner (Right over Newburgh/beacon bridge) and we can go the rest of the way in my car....either way, I really don't care...I’m exhausted from planning this. I need a vacation.

Thank you,Margarete”

K: “I'll meet you at the diner...no sense in you driving over 2 bridges (unless you've got that "body" situation...ahem.....)Just tell me EXACTLY WHERE IT IS. EXACTLY. NOT APPROXIMATELY....BUT EXACTLY. TO THE MILLIMETER. I'M NOT FOOLING AROUND HERE.

M: “Okay….directions to Lexus Diner…………EASY as Key Lime Pie……Go over bridge. Get off 1st exit after you stop seeing water underneath you. Stop at stop sign (actually I think it’s a yield…but stop anyway to be safe….)YOU WILL BE LOOKING AT THE DINER!Technically you’ll have to make a right or ‘bear right’ at the yield sign and make your first left into diner……but EVEN YOU can find it.

Thank you, Margarete"


K: “Oh...yeah....Friday. Yep....4:30, Friday, good. I'll be printing out your detailed directions and taping them to my dashboard. Please keep your cell phone ON and be prepared to talk me down off said bridge if I get (or even think I’ve gotten) LOST.


M: “So are we set for 4:30 at Lexus? Yeah, yeah, I’ll keep my cell on…just in case you, well…..can’t find your way out of a paper bag….did I say that out loud?

Thank you, Margarete"


K: “Yeah....4:30 at Lexus. That paper bag remark was totally uncalled for. You are SO insensitive to my directionally-challenged plight.....I'll be bringing this up in the next "DC" meeting. You'll be blacklisted...consider yourself warned.

Thank you for NOT making me read your name over-and-over-again, Kathryn."

All of the above dialogue happened over several weeks. In the end, we went. We ate. We drank. Then we shopped. We were extremely happy shoppers and one of the gals even wrote “Come back anytime…you guys are a hoot!” on the back of our receipt, so we must’ve been entertaining as well.

I remember being particularly tickled by these:

They’re false eyelashes. I believe we laughed hard enough that we required a time-out on the floor to compose ourselves. I wanted Margarete to try them on, but she refused...(something about her needing her eyes for some future purpose…I’m unclear now…)

In the end, we left when they kicked us out. We’d found our precious eyeliner and managed to make our way through every sweet-smelling lotion in the store. Margarete smelled like a cantaloupe that had mated with a grapefruit whilst having a fling with some mint…and I was more vanilla meets coconut with a side of guava.

We drove home happy, hopeful for a future of looking fabulous and smelling like a fruit bowl with a serious identity crisis.

It couldn’t have gone better.

jh said...

Sounds a bit like Thelma & Louise, you gals have a bond! Super duper funny! Why am I not surprised you came out smelling tropical?

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