Sunday, April 6, 2008

Spring...or the lack of it

Ah, spring.

The flowers....the sweet warble of the returning songbirds...the ten inches of water that's collected on my pool cover. Can you guess which one of these things does not make me happy?? Oh, and for the record: I haven't seen any flowers...just green stalks. But it's a start, I guess.

I view the removal of pool-cover-water with the same disdain I reserve for cleaning up dog poop: I know it comes with the territory of having one, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. And bottom line is that it'll keep coming...whether I stay on top of it or not.

Today was supposed to be warm. Temps in the low-60's under a cloudless sky. At least, that's what the little weather-square-illustration on my homepage had for Sunday. Had I known that yesterday was gonna be the nicer of the two days, I would've gotten outside and done some outdoor cleaning...or yard work...or at least gotten the stupid mail.

So I couldn't look at all that pool-cover-water for another minute. Honestly, I was afraid if I waited too much longer to drain it, I'd have to contend with the dreaded living (or recently deceased) rodents/spiders/frogs (pick one) that always manage to find their way into that pool. Then I'd have to do the "icky-dance", try not to trip over the cover in my haste to back away and hope that I can wait for Taylor or Connor to fish it out before I throw up.

For those of you that haven't had the pleasure of this particular chore, I'm willing to share my tried-and-true-fail-safe method:

  1. Ya gotta find a good sump pump. (This said with the Brooklyn accent of the last plumber to come to my house.)
  2. Ya need a long extension cord. (This said with the Bronx accent of the last electrician to come to my house.)
  3. Ya need a long hose. (Okay, this is me.) Quit snickering. And not a short hose...it has to be really, really long. You'll see why.

Okay. If you live on a hill, like I do, you have to be careful whist "draining one's water" (mind out of the gutter, please), as you're likely to flood the neighbor's property. This said, you may need to find more...creative...ways to remove the water. So, here's what you're gonna do.

You run one end of the hose through the open window of the house and into the basement, across the floor (this will block the door to the garage but hey, no method's perfect) into the laundry room and into the 2" pipe-thingie (technical term) that's used to drain the washing machine water away.

IS THIS GENIUS, OR WHAT?

Okay, you're obviously not getting the full picture yet.

You then attach the sump pump to the hose (only one end of the hose will fit, evidently...did I not mention this? Oops.), throw the sump pump into the deeper-portion of the standing water...and plug it in.

At this point, you should be golden.

Unless you're ME.

Today, I made an interesting discovery: if the hose has a KINK in it, the water will REVERSE DIRECTION and SHOOT OUT of the unit. If you happen to be standing in close proximity, you're gonna get WET. Did I mention that it wasn't all that warm today? Actually, it wasn't too bad...just the lower half of me got soaked. There I am... extension cords.....water hoses.....Kathy's slipping....oh, my! There's the pump shooting water in every direction and I'm trying to unplug it from the extension cord (there's no on/off switch on this baby), only it's wet...and my hands are wet...and they're slipping...well, you get the picture. Now I'm on my knees, by the edge of the pool...cursing like only an overwhelmed, cold, wet girl (or maybe a sailor) can do...pulling and twisting on the plug, yelling at no-one in particular that I don't need this aggravation and I'll be damned if a stupid sump pump is gonna get the better of me when suddenly it occurs to me: "Why don't I just unplug the extension cord from the outlet? It's just around the corner...I wonder if it matters that I'm soaking wet? And more importantly: Do I care??"

So, I unplugged it. Then, I plugged it back in. (You know...I was trying that "possibly-it'll-spontaneously-correct-itself-and-work-properly" method) When that didn't work, I took a good serious look around and discovered the kink.

Now it's pumping properly. I figure the water'll be gone...in about three days.

Wish me luck.

Charlie said...

A most enjoyable read! I look forward to reading many more from you. You've got spunk!

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